Yeah always wear protection if you don't know the person. If someone is not willing to that's a serious red flag. Your body, your choice

"Do you think I'm some STD-ridden guy?!"
Now i do.

STD's aren't diagnosed (mostly) just by looking at people. That's exactly why they're so tough to eradicate.

Wear protection and protect yourself. You did just fine here. If he is unwilling to be up to your safety needs, then he's not worth keeping around.

Personally, as a guy, I think him just questioning it is enough for you to have rejected him.

The only appropriate response to being told to use a condom is, "Of course I'm going to use a condom."

It's funny that we went from "AIDS is killing people all over the place" in the 80s to "I had sex with a stranger that does not respect me and it's fine, am I the asshole."

When did people stop respecting themselves? And how could they not learn about this AIDS thing?

I can't comprehend guys like this. It's just basic respect. Also from his perspective, he doesn't know you either, how does he know you're clean and you're honest about having an IUD? It's in his interest to wear a condom.

If a guy makes a fuss over putting on a condom at all, then I'd consider him as out for future dates.

No contraceptive option is 100% and being concerned about STIs with hook ups is a VERY valid reason. He may have something and not exhibiting signs yet to be recognized.

perfectly normal to demand it from him, he should have simply stfu

"Do you think I'm some STD-ridden guy?"

Based on your willingness to rawdog strangers, yes.

The fuck girl!?! If any guy had ever said that to me I wouldn't have slept with them at all. Condoms are just as effective at preventing STI's as they are pregnancy.

The only time I ever had sex without a condom was with a long term partner who agreed to be exclusive, AFTER we both got tested and shared our results. Had several long term partners before getting married. Probably slept with a couple dozen dudes over the years. Never caught any STI.

The fact that he didn't do it by himself tells you he did not wear it with any previous partners who didn't make him. So yes, that puts his likelihood of STD rather high.

You were 100% right to make him wear one.

"Do I look like some STD-ridden guy?"

"Well, STD-ridden guys tend to refuse condoms. That's how they got their STDs. So you tell me."

Anyone who says "we don't need to use a condom" is someone who you should 100% use a condom with

Refusing to use a condom is a massive red flag. Yes, they reduce sensation, but they also protect both parties from significant health risks. An IUD is irrelevant to him at this stage

Always use a condom until you have both tested clear and are committed to each other. If your relationship is poly, then condom use and testing is required for every new partner, and it's sensible to have everyone retested when someone new comes into the relationship.

I'd personally be concerned about their behaviour, either then trying to coerce you into unprotected sex, or being a whiny shit refusing to use a condom. Both of these would make me consider withdrawing consent, but I'm a stickler for enthusiasm at all stages.

No, it's absolutely not over the top. It's your choice. And if you want to fuck only with a condom, there either is used a condom, or no fucking.

Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?

Who do you think would say such a thing?

1. a partner that loves and respects you.
2. an STD-riddled guy.

imma say Number 2 for 1000.

also side note.

Yeah, he put it on.. but did he leave it on? was it one he tampered with? His reaction makes him 100% not trustworthy.

Not over the top! Wtf?! Fuck that dude (not literally though bc he doesn't deserve it).

Always wear a condom if you don't know somebody's STD status. If you're hooking up with somebody for the first time, you have no clue what they could be exposing you to. People lie about that shit all the time.

If they're expecting you to have casual sex without a condom why tf would it be wise to assume they don't do that shit all the time?

“Yes, actually. I assume everyone has STDs until they take a test to prove otherwise. It’s just safer that way. You’re literally hooking up with me, so I assume this isn’t the first time you’ve hooked up with someone. Can you vouch for everyone you’ve been with before me? And do you trust everyone I’ve been with before you?”

Like bro, you’re a fool if you’re offended when someone asks you to wear a condom. That is so concerning that I’d never contact him again. Someone who is OFFENDED at being asked to use protection is giant walking red flag.

I’m sorry you even have to ask if you were being too pushy. You weren’t. He was being insane. It’s YOUR body, you get to decide what you’re comfortable with. Never let someone pressure you into being less safe than you want.

You did the right thing in insisting!

I teach Sex Ed. - most STIs are asymptomatic most of the time, especially for those assigned male at birth. HPV for example can lead to cervical cancer and dude would never know he had it. So, do with that what you will but by his response alone I'd assume he isn't wearing them as often as he can get away with it and you can hope all his sexual partners get tested regularly or you can be safe and protect your safety over his comfort.

Not at all. IUDs are 99% effective (at preventing pregnancy), but if you don't wanna risk that 1% chance, that's your decision.

Condoms also protect against STIs.

If you want them to put a condom on before they have sex with you they shouldn't be arguing. They should either respect your boundaries, or go find someone else with boundaries that are more compatible with their desires.

No this is basic protection stuff. Big red flag on him for resisting. Advocate for your health and protection when your partner refuses to do so, and you'll likely live longer than if you hadn't.

You can have STIs without knowing it. STIs can kill you. No, you are not overreacting

As a guy, I don't think he needed to know you have an IUD. I personally don't care unless we're about to put it to the test.

Anyway. No, it is not over the top, it is perfectly reasonable.

This would make sense if you were in a relationship for years... a hookup? nah man get the goddamn condom on

No. Firstly, no means of contraception is 100% effective; stacking them further reduces the likelihood of unwanted conception. Defense in depth is your friend.

Also, sometimes people can catch something without being aware of it. He might have an infection he's not aware of. You might have one. The condom protects both of you. If you want to do it without, get yourselves tested.

And all of that is under the assumption that everyone is honest and has the best of intentions, which... isn't always the case.

Stop fucking assholes, pick someone better

STDs asside, IUD's are not 100% effective. I personally know someone who got pregnant with one and, let me tell you, it is not an experience you want to go through. Especially if you live in a no-abortion state.

The cool thing about contraceptives is that their efficiency is multiplicative. If an IUD is 98% (2 in 100 failure rate) effective and a condom is 80% (20 in 100), you now have a 99.6% (0.4 in 100) effective rate, or a 1 in 250 chance at getting pregnant in a year of regular sex. So, on average you get pregnant once every 125 years.

Your limits, your rules, safety first politeness second!

STDS are a pain in the ass (often literally). so be careful, ultimately both parties must be in agreement about the protection used.

FYI if a man bitches about using condoms he's not someone you should be with

was I being a pushover

No.

Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?

Sounds like an asshole. If you get asked to put a condom in just do it and STFU.

Condom's always on. What I have been told in sex-ed back in the days: you need to be in an exclusive relationship with your partner for over a month, then both take a blood test for STI. Only if you come both clean, show each other your test results, only then you're good to go without condoms.

If a guy ever tells you he doesn't like condoms, it feels bad or whatever BS excuse like that, you tell him to:

1. Read the fucking manual on the box to learn how to put it on correctly
2. Get the right size for his dick

Condoms don't feel bad if you wear the correct size and put it on correctly.

Others have said it well but I want to just say that you shouldn't think of this in terms of "being a pushover". You were setting boundaries and if those boundaries aren't being respected, then you shouldn't be sexually active with that person.

Condoms are only 85% effective for pregnancy, 70% for STIs.

Red flag, this guy is an asshole.

"Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy"

Jesus what an ignorant thing to say. Having an STD doesn't make you a bad person or anything, it's not a reflection on him if he did have an STD, it's just a medical situation that requires certain precautions. So if your hooking up, then you inherently younever know so you HAVE to be safe.

Glad it wasn't a big problem and you had fun, but what an ass.

IUDs fail. Condoms fail. With their powers combined they fail significantly less.

Ew. What a repulsive dude...

My older cousin told me one time "Contraception is a team sport that both people can play but you are the goalie of your own health. Whatever your partner intends, your health and child-free future depends on you asserting your boundaries and holding them"

I may have cared about my partners but so far there still hasn't been a baby I regret not having

IUD's don't protect against STI/STD

Is requiring the guy to use a condom even though you have an IUD being over the top?

No.

A "pushover" is someone whose mind is easily changed by pressure, not someone who is pushy or who pushes other people around.

A man that acts like that will eventually be std ridden. I don't know the statistics by heart but something like 20 % of people are asymptomatic and I'd wager a fair percentage pretend and don't want to admit they have something as well because of the shame.

Open marriage here:

Any time a hookup says they don’t use condoms, it’s a huge red flag. Always ask a partner in a neutral way about condoms to force them to the binary answer.

Example: would you like to use condoms? Do you use condoms? Do you bareback?

If they don’t answer straight, or say they prefer not to use them, move on. It’s really not worth the hassle of even curable STDs (pregnancy fits here), especially if you’re not on Prep. I would never bareback with a stranger without at least using Prep.

A dumb question. STDs are still rife.

Of course not. In fact its the norm. He's fucking weird.

Is requiring a guy to wear a condom over the top?

No. Definitely not over the top. No other information is needed. If you were married for 20 years and you wanted condoms your husband should respect that.

Well "being a pushover" is the opposite, if you'd relented and let him hit raw then you'd be a pushover. I think you meant "being pushy," isn't English fun lmao.

But also no dude it's not just for babby but also STD, he shouldn't trust you either. On the "no std" nor the "has any form of birth control" tbh, women lie about that (and the no std part) all the time, multiple have lied to me about it and I'm just one dude. Protect yourselves out there.

I probably would have left, a comment like that would have killed the mood. He does know he could have an STD and not even know he has one (or two)... right? He is the type that is just living on a wing and a prayer. No thanks!

Unless you’re exclusive and tested it’s impossible to know if the other partner might have an STI.

That’s not an insult.

It's sad how little some men care about their own health in this regard. Even if a lot of STI are curable, you don't want to spend a couple weeks with syphilis or gonorrhea while you take antibiotics.

A man who isn't automatically wearing a condom with a first time hookup is one of those dumbasses who are the reason STI keep spreading in developed countries despite everyone being educated about them.

you get to choose what goes into your body, nobody else.

STD's are no joke, wrap it before you tap it.

Dont have sex with assholes. Because while you stood your ground regarding the use of barriers, afterwards you obviously still feel bad and unsure about yourself. Also if you meet him again, he most likely will keep pushing you to not use a condom.

Also the way the dude acted makes me assume he actually sucks at sex, because he seems selfish, inconsiderate and also uneductated regarding safer sex practices.

was I being a pushover?

Only if you let randos decide for you.

That said, I personally would never see someone like that again.

There were ways he could have voiced his confusion without being pushy, like "ah, want to be doubly-protected, eh?" and then proceed to put it on.

IMO it's good practice to, at the very least, START any physical relation with barriers. If you want to move away from them over time, that's something all parties need to give enthusiastic consent for.

I've been in the same situation as a dude with a lady, and when she said "oh you don't need that" I momentarily panicked and said "well you don't really know where I've been." She put two and two together and realized that I also was saying I didn't know where SHE had been either and it wasn't an issue, but I definitely considered it a red flag considering we'd known each other for about 48 hours at that point. The relationship did not last very long.

I had someone lie to me and I got chlamydia as a result. I'm sterile, so pregnancy isn't a concern, but I could have caught something worse

No, it's your body, if you're not comfortable then you get to draw the line. The fact he argued with you about it is a red flag IMO.

Guy is a dangerous idiot. You should always use protection.

I a guy, and I've had a number of hookups, I wouldn't ever even question someone asking me to wear a condom (though, to be fair, I'd choose to wear one also). You don't know the other person. Unless you just really get the sense you can trust them, it could all be a lie. Your boundaries aren't a debate. Honestly, if I were you, I would have kicked them out. If they're questioning that boundary I wouldn't want to find out where it ends.

Him: “Do you think I’m STD-ridden?” You: “Do you think I’m NOT?”

“Why do I need to use one if you already have an IUD? Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?”

Fucking yes! Put the goddamn condom on!

Sounds like you fucked a little baby boy

It’s no where near over the top, that’s a very normal and good choice. Doesn’t matter what his feelings are, weather you had an IUD or even if it was some other reason. Use a condom, it’s there for a reason.

If you suggest a condom and the guy fusses, the evening should be over immediately, it's a HUGE red flag.

What confuses me is why does he know about it but you said hookup so maybe you have known him awhile. My wife and I had doctors appointment were we both got std tests to show we were good on that front but we still used condoms because of the whole pregnancy thing but she did not have an iud. It would worry me if I was you that he wanted to do it without knowing if you had stds.

Not at all. You get to say what happens with your body. The fact that he took offense to it is on him. It’s also a smart move.

Personally, I can’t stand condoms, but I wouldn’t hook up without one. “This is a strange car, in a foreign dense highway; why would I need a seat belt?”

Also, if I heard a woman say “it was a fine night” in a meh tone, I’d be gutted lol.

Gentleman reading this, remember the golden rule: women always come first.

If someone asked me to wear a condom, I would wear a condom. It's your body, it's your rules. Don't let anyone give you shit for it.

Not if you like avoiding STDs.

No and anyone who says no is suspect. Fluid bonding with a hookup is stupid. It's a kind of stupid that's common, but there's a reason experienced nonmonogamists will often either demand a recent clean test with no new partners since it or protection. And he doesn't know you're clean.

Also if you aren't prepared for an abortion or a kid it's generally a good idea to use two contraception methods before having potentially reproductive sex

no

Good on you for making sure, wouldn't call you a pushover for standing by your decision.

Wearing a condom is like wearing an n95 mask when going into a hospital or public space, it's a matter of protecting yourself and others, especially when the only argument against wearing one is a matter of comfort.

Nope. Feeling a way about how others should treat your body is never over the top. Rules is rules and rule-breakers get to walk home all sad-face.

I hope you had a good time in the end!

If a guy doesn't want to use a condom and insists he shouldn't wear one you definitely know you need one. This is obviously a standard move for them so you need to make them wear one. Being fluid bonded is a big commitment and risk for both parties involved regardless of hormonal birth control.

If you are a man who wants to not wear a condom stop it. You need to ejaculate responsibility and not cause potential harm to the wonderful women who are letting you in. Please read Ejaculate Responsibly and see what dangers your semen can cause and use this power responsibility. And if you think it feels different just put the condom on earlier so it gets up to body temp before PIV. It's not that hard guys

Uh, no. It’s 100% expected and advisable to use condoms for hookups, and push back on the request would be a deal breaker for me.