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Is requiring the guy to use a condom even though you have an IUD being over the top? (lemmy.today)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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[–] 44 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Refusing to use a condom is a massive red flag. Yes, they reduce sensation, but they also protect both parties from significant health risks. An IUD is irrelevant to him at this stage

Always use a condom until you have both tested clear and are committed to each other. If your relationship is poly, then condom use and testing is required for every new partner, and it's sensible to have everyone retested when someone new comes into the relationship.

I'd personally be concerned about their behaviour, either then trying to coerce you into unprotected sex, or being a whiny shit refusing to use a condom. Both of these would make me consider withdrawing consent, but I'm a stickler for enthusiasm at all stages.

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  • [–] 25 points 8 months ago

    If the guy protests putting the condom on, I wouldn't trust them to keep it on during the entire act. Stealthing is common enough that it has its own slang term.

    However, it's easy for me to recommend withdrawing consent, but in the moment when the guy has already been a bit scary during the condom conversation, it's not always so easy.

    Shame on him for completely fucking up the vibe.

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  • [–] 5 points 8 months ago

    but I'm a stickler for enthusiasm at all stages. I have standards about consent that should be normal for everyone, everywhere, always, and the fact that they aren’t is really fucked up.

    FTFY. It feels weird to thank you for something that really should be the norm, but it’s really nice to see it written out clearly for everyone to see.

    Before anyone starts complaining about their poor kinks that they just can’t help: I’m into CNC and TPE, and they are both incomparably better experiences for everyone involved when everyone continuously enthusiastically consents. You (may) just need to add a layer of obfuscation, depending on the scene, but that’s easily managed through the traffic light system or safe words/signs.

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