That or projection and they are cheating themselves... been there

A downward spiral that ended more or less there.

We had been together for a couple years, long distance. she was a couple months from moving back.

Start of conversation, I say: Kate said that the renfest tickets were about to go on sale

Who's Kate.

Kate at work, there's a crew that goes every year, we should go.

What else do you and Kate talk about?

Devolves into wanting an index of female friends and leading questions of if they are nice...

Mind you, we'd not been fighting; I was always accountable and on time. We had just spent most of a week together.

Near the end, she made it an "it's either me or her..."

Kate is gay... I could have went down that path, But at this point, "woah woah woah, give me your key, we're done"

I never regretted that.

Had a friend who's wife started assuming he was cheating or trying to cheat with any other woman in his life. It was very extreme. Like - he once held the door open for a random woman entering a restaurant and she started accusing the woman of being a whore.

He ended up staying with her for a few more years because their daughter was 16 and he didn't want to end up paying child support, and when they split up the 18yo daughter moved in with him.

yeah, i have met women who make this a requirement to date them. it's not common but it exists.

you basically can't interact with any other women than your family. because so much as smiling at a woman cashier at the grocery store is cheating. it's really not about that though, it's about their need to control you to feel secure.

it also is almost always a double standard, because that rule doesn't apply to her talking to men.

"You need to stop playing video games"

Normal people: says the person that is on Instagram and TikTok for eight hours a day?

It sounds like you dodged a serious bullet there. I don't know many people who started their marriages with huge debt who are out of debt or living happily at this point. Most of them are divorced. The smart ones kept enough paperwork to prove their spouses came into the marriage with debt, so they should not be held jointly responsible for it.

The last two words of that sentence are the most important ones.

Hot

I'm not sure what your point is? Ive dated people who didnt like video games too.

I've dated lots of trans girls who play video games.

If you want a girlfriend who does a "boy hobby" (as toy companies would put it), you need to find a culturally liberated woman. Someone strong willed and independent, who values action and choice. You know, a woke woman.

Find yourself a gal with blue hair and pronouns and you'll have a gamer gf.

You either never cheat on me or this relationship is over.

It doesn't matter though, you're still a massive asshole in the other person's mind.

Even if it's objectively something positive, like stopping drinking or other destructive behaviors.

People have to want to change themselves, if they don't, you're just being a dick. It's very different if your partner wants to change habits and lifestyle and asks for your assistance.

There's a difference between ultimatums and boundaries

I think there's a difference between a hard boundary and an ultimatum. The former exists before it needs to be said, and the latter is a "do/stop this or the relationship is over". It's often associated with existing relationship issues or a sudden change in the relationship.

It's also associated with an expectation that one gets their way. Rather than approaching as a conversation about "are we still compatible" it becomes a cudgel. When I rejected my ex's ultimatum it resulted in her begging me to change my answer and later yelling at me about my being willing to end the relationship.

Not uncommon for couples to share friends. No matter who it is, no one likes getting bad mouthed behind their back

Yeah it wouldn’t be a bad response at all in a healthy relationship context. I wish all partners could give each other the same respect. I like the response, just not the frame.

And yet, it's also what a person would say if they did prefer gaming 24/7 but also wanted her to feel that she was at fault for ruining a relationship he was never invested in. He's not even looking her in the eye to make his accusation.

This is a little far-fetched.

The man comes from a long-line of noble gamers and is merely upholding the traditional values he was raised on, lest he distress the spirits of his ancestors. The woman was raised by puritan chess masters during the castle siege of Fort Boyard and views the world only under the paranoid lens of allegiance/betrayal.

It's a simple culture clash that likely leads to some interesting bedtime shenanigans that gets them both off, e.g. Lockpicking a chastity belt whilst she eggs him on in French

these are the types of movies hollywood should be making.

Congrats, you did exactly what I was taking about.