I always say "flock of cows" to bait someone into saying "herd of cows" so that I can say "of course I've heard of cows!" Watching their faces is priceless.

Ouch… 18/20

Edit: They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.

As someone who used to work in retail, if I’m ever caught saying “guess it’s free then,” I sincerely hope everyone in the store immediately stops what they’re doing to form an orderly line to take turns slapping the piss out of me.

The last one requires you to pat the load three times or the magic doesn’t work.

I feel personally attacked

8, and I'm a woman without children 🤔

I refuse to use any of these.
Instead I like to come up with my own new ones.

Like when someone comes back in right away after forgetting something.
I'm like: "Finally! Do you know how worried I've been?"

How dad are you?

No, it's "dad, how are you?"

Don’t forget the mandatory testing of the drill in the air.

Before I was a dad, I would say a lot of these ironically, fully aware of and referencing the cliche. Now, they're just part of me.

A ton of these are part of my daily routine.

Does "look, cows" count?

I like to yell "HEY!" and point at a field full of hay bales. The wife almost always looks briefly concerned until she sees it, and then gives me the "a-doy" look. I think she secretly loves it though.

Nothing about a lot of grocery bags and exactly one walk?

A lot of these are just normal things people say. Like, "what's the damage" is just a normal way to ask a price in English.

Oh. I am fully dad.

Unlike my vision, I'm 20/20.

I feel attacked and inspired.

damn. I must have kids somewhere !

(add it to the list)

Considering how much I love dad jokes, puns, and combinations thereof, I'm SHOCKED that I only scored 1/20! And I only point out horses SOMETIMES, depending on the situation.

Dogs, though? I'll interrupt whatever you're saying or doing to point it out no matter what.

Unlike horses, dogs are precious treasures that people NEED to be made aware of immediately, so they may coo and melt!

I am quite surprised how many Lemmy users have such high scores on the dadness meter.

I am dad of two and I perceive myself as a pretty square, but I have near to 0 points.

I think I’m about 90% dad here.

With four children, I think it still means I have to parent them all.

When my kids were little, I joked about getting the "special saw" for their injuries. Looking back now, that's pretty terrifying but at the time, ... Same.

4, no surprise, I am not fit to be a parent.

I'm checking enough that I stopped counting

Only 7. I feel like I’m letting my children down.

A lot of these are default reactions in Germany (also by women).

Lower than I thought, but still higher than I'd care to admit.

Clicks the tongs

Slaps the hood

Kicks the tire

Checked every box, passing them on to the next generation. Missed a couple:

Get any on you? - after a belch.

Pull my finger

I don't know, can you?

Answering yes to a one or the other question

Monty Python and/or Naked Gun quotes

well, I'm 55, so the 20 of them, and some I still says once a week :)

16, and that's just the things I've said this week

"That's how they get you" is a significant part of my personality.

I read the first column and thought "Huh, guess I'm not as Dad as I thought I was," but then ticked every box on the second column.

18/20 jfc... This was probably a quarter of that before being a middle aged dad and inheriting my father's clothes.