Yesterday I said to my son "I'm disappointed in you for not catching that fish" (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).

I felt pretty bad and didn't mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I'm absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn't catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.

Bruh I'm an Asian son and I've been on the receiving end of these words 💀

Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I'm never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)

No, but I would say something like "I am very dissapointed in you for doing X". A kid can't change who they "are", but they can change what they "do".

Hell no.

I would send him the following:

if they were hateful. punching down types. maga. racists. yeah, yeah, I would.

No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that

I wouldn't call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.

Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.

It's extremely hard to imagine but yeah there are lines.

His behavior yes. He lack of behavior yes. Never him.

If they were disappointing, maybe. Like I'm not gonna lie and say I'd love my kid even if they turned out to be a racist, sexist, nazi piece of shit. But I mean, I'd also be disappointed in myself for raising such a bastard.

This is some really heavy parenting. I hope I'd never have to, but if it was warranted it would be very important that it was actionable. I.e., I'm disappointed in you because you're doing [x] and you need to do [y]. It's my job as a parent in this situation to communicate why and how to do better.

No. "Being a disappointing," yes. "A disappointment," no.

The difference is one is a fixable behaviour, and the other is an identity.

He don't say it but I can see it in his eyes.

Yeah, if he came home sporting a maga hat or a Charlie Kirk t-shirt or something.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.

No, like others said I might point out his behavior is disappointing, but never him.

My dad said he was disappointed. I sat him down, looked him in his eyes and said, "Hi, Disappointed. I'm Son!"

If he turned out to be a cold psychopatic serial killer, I would.

No, because I don’t want to find out what a true disappointment is

If they were a triple Trumper, yes.

But in all seriousness, you're a disappointment sounds like a line from a movie, real life doesn't really do dialog like that.

No

Never. My son is a person I could never have imagined. I don’t see what relevance my expectations of him are to anyone or anything. I’m not sure I ever had any.

Why should I? Our children are not products we purchased or objects we crafted. They are new beings coming into the universe under our care but for a while.

You discharge that responsibility on their behalf. That’s it. Of course that means setting standards for them to meet, but even this discipline you do for their own sake. You don’t get to expect them to be anything.

That’s negotiating with fate - about as pointless as negotiating with death.

I wouldn't say that to anybody.

Yeah if they landed in jail and or did some heinous crime. But knowing me, I’d word it as “you disappointment me” instead. Like this is a moment in time and they can still change

No. That's a terrible name!

I would if they turned out conservative.

It would have to be very, very bad and it would weigh heavily on my soul if I ever were to speak those words to my children.

I can't imagine ever saying that.

Fuck no

I'd like to believe I wouldn't, but I'm a flawed man, and going crazy with my words is one of my big ones. Hopefully, God willing, I won't. I have become a much more considerate and softer person thanks to my wife, maybe that'll be enough.

Only if my son is Mr. Frog.

Variation on the theme: would you ever tell your child “You weren’t worth it.”

OP assuming you are asking for a reason, my view after some time is that when a parent make a statement like that it reflects more about the parent than the child.

I once explored the hypothetical of what would make me abandon the love for one of my kids. I went with something awful: imagine we found out they were a gruesome serial killer in secret. I decided after pondering it that I would continue to love and support them even through that. No one else would, rightfully so. But I think it is my duty even when the rest of humanity has abandoned them.

Writing this I thought of a variation. Instead of a serial killer, what if they murdered my spouse or one of their siblings. I'll have to ponder that. I'd like to think I'd have the same unconditional love but I'm really not sure. In that case I might have to admit that I'm disappointed in them.

What the actual fuck? NO. Kids who are little are little kids, they are all potential, you can be somewhat disappointed in their behavior occasionally but not them. Grown kids are grownups with their own lives, they can disappoint themselves I guess but not me, and if they somehow managed it I still would not say that, they don't exist to satisfy me, that's not the point of having kids. Had kids to have a family and to grow some independent adults so they could have lives of their own.

Telling anyone they're a disappointment isn't helpful. Instead ,ask if they can do X or Y and express why you think its helpful.

I wouldn't no. There's only afew things he could ever do to justify those words, and even then, what purpose would it serve?

No.

Some people really seem to get something out of hurting other people. My best guess is that its a learned coping mechanism. "I feel bad so im going to make you feel bad and your response might fix whatever i feel bad about".

The only appropriate response is that whoever said that is a disappointing human.

Yes, assuming they have disappointed me.

It's normal to express your emotions.

Maybe if they were openly a bigot

It's difficult to imagine a situation where this would be an appropriate thing to say. We don't get to choose how we feel but articulating those feelings can be incredibly damaging. I would think carefully about why you think that. Children need love and compassion no matter what, else they may find themselves in the same situation that you are now in.

i would say that's a terrible parent. glad mine's not.

No. That would imply belief in the kind of free will I don't think exists.

My kid is a dream. I was an older Dad, and I worried about dealing with a teenager during my 50s, but he has always been level headed. We never had to deal with drug, alcohol, smoking, no pregnancy scares, nothing. He got great grades, really talented, a school leader without even trying. He could be a little lazy, I used to have to remind him that he couldn't be a slacker because his peers were watching him.

I was called lesser so kinda the same thing. I never use that word cause it's reserved for tywin Lannister type of dudes lol

I can't be disappointed when I didn't have any expectations

No.

Reminds me of the epic song..

All I all I all I all I, Want is, Just a little bread. Mama calls me disappointment, Papa calls me fat.

Absolutely not. No matter what they have done, my love and support is unconditional. They may do things I don't approve of, but I try to understand what motivates them and forgive them.

No. Because that's shitty and dumb.

As a parent, it is your responsibility. So if your kid is disappointing you, it is you who have fucked up.

Do something about it.

Yes even though it would be partially my fault if they're racist, sexist , transphobic, join the military or police and so on, that's a failure to raise them on my part and choosing to be a worthless being on their part.

I wouldn't have children because I'm not a selfish psychopath.

I am the disappointing son but I'll never have children so I don't have to worry about that