peed pants

An XL Chance dildo from Bad Dragon.

It's a unique weapon that gives a +5 bonus to strength and willpower.

• 90% Empty beer can
• 100% An SFP+ module (most likely for multimode fiber)
• 80% prioritypass card that'll give you free entry to a nice airport lounge on the opposite side of the planet
• 20% a wedge of blue cheese
• 100% a guitar pick

If at work (roll 1d10 4 times)
Wire strippers
11-in-1 screwdriver
Impact driver with 1 of Philips, Square, or 5/16" socket bits in it. 5ah battery
3d12 wirenuts
5d12 selftapping or wood screws
2d12 one hole straps (not the size you need)
Torpedo level (magnetic)
Cigarettes (cheap, 2d10 left in pack)
Vape pen (not nicotine)
Keys

If at home (lair) I just give up, roll for treasure as Villager. Tools are in the van outside.

Debt

A painting that's not worth selling, and a fully functioning sourdough starter.

Ennui.

Diseased meat.

100% lighter 100% keffiyah 60% joint 25% cup of coffee 0.1% 1/2 litre of home made ice-cream

• 1987 Washburn Force ABT bass guitar autographed by Nuno Bettencourt (ultra rare item)
• RFID badge to get into almost any lab in the game
• Ibuprofen 2-pack like what you get in workplace first aid kits
• Key fob to an unknown vehicle
• Friendly cat (uncommon item)
• Unlocked burner phone filled with memes and phone numbers for persons of ill repute (important for one specific side quest)
• Frog
• Can of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli

A single rib and nothing else.

For some reason an Nvidia RTX 5090 and 128gb of DDR5 RAM, because whoever designed this game decided it'd be funny to put a target on my back.

A dead body.

Probably a few petabytes of DDR5…

400g of firm tofu and a 5m XLR cable.

An LCD sound system CD.

The collected works of Jrrr Tolkien

A collection of keys you don't remember having, or what they're for

A lingering sense of dread over whether you fed the cats

A well worn hoodie and pack of peanut butter crackers

Anxiety and depression.

2 dead alkaline AA batteries and a plastic tooth pick.

A +1 soccer jersey of constitution. Gives you a bonus to rolls on saves against intoxication.

50% chance: 20 year old Victorinox multitool

25% chance: bunch of yubikeys

10% chance: 1d6 amphetamines 10mg

100% chance: human corpse

10% chance: somehow another human corpse

A scroll that, when read, let's you see everything as interconnected systems. This new ability is both wonderfully useful and paralyzingly overwhelming.

(Edit: banger question, BTW! Don't forget to upvote it, people)

medium ammo pack

Sandals

A collection of Edgar Allen Poe short stories book

Phone (broken)

Cigarettes

2 coins

Bones

Garbage worth nothing and not worth the effort to have gotten it

Nothing but disappointment.

Three pairs of glasses with different strengths.

The Red Vape of Wisdom and Chill (legendary item)

Some random driver for weird screw types.

An assortment of tiny bolts/screws

My ebook reader would be the only valuable item. Everything else is grey loot at best imo.

An ungodly amount of pens and dice

RAM and cornchip dust.

A vegetable cleaver and the ability to convince anyone of an idea at anytime but it is only self targeting and the effect is to convince yourself that you fucked up.

$20 and some pocket lint. I'd at least want to reward them for the favor

• a matryoshka doll arrangement of nested shopping bags with a dollar store receipt in the middle if you get that far
• a frayed bungie cord
• some spent inhalers
• a random assortment of usb cables with some of the wiring exposed
• a multitool where one of the blades no longer stays in place and flops around hazardously
• a leaky bottle of bug spray

• Skateboard
• MP3 Player
• iPhone 5s
• Pack of Xylitol Gum
• Extra Spicy Eyedrops

Cell phone, pocket knife, crushing depression.

Not exactly a farm-able loot table, but here's what taking down a warp core gets you:

• Antimatter
• Coolant
• Dilithium crystals
• Isolinear chips
• Fusion chamber schematic

Warp core also deals 5,000,000 damage in a 10km radius, upon death. So you get to enjoy those spoils for about a femtosecond.

My game controller, I guess? I'd probably just set it down, though.

Compression socks or cheap jewelry depending on whether or not I'm working.

A pair of giant brass balls.

Maybe poop. I heard that people poop when they die

3 bags of soylent

gameboy-shaped candy tin, half full of nicotine pouches

a wallet full of library cards

little red songbook 1923 edition (used)

A utility knife and an empty pack of Zyns, 0.05% drop rate for a guitar pick(Legendary, bespoke.).

A cup of coffee and my work computer

A notebook in broken English and piglatin, generally written in a dethek-derived cursive, that when translated ends up as a record of what Linux geekery I've been up to and some complaints about spelling, rfc2142, SLSA or iso27002.

Value: 0g0s1c

1 X scroll of insight (cursed). You detect enemies at much greater distances than normal, but there's a 50% chance they aren't really there.

1 X scroll of night vision +2 (I always have a thermal camera on my person)

1 X tome of deep knowing (films and movies). Extremely detailed and useless for any purpose

1 X potion of quench thirst (I am never without a water bottle)

The rest is grey loot, useless LVL 1 weapons

I'd explode into hundreds of empty snus and beer cans, and thousands of roasted and salted peanuts. I consume way too much of those three things. And "Alone Again Or" by Love or "I See the Rain" by Marmalade would play on loop at that specific spot until the end of the universe.

At the moment, Birkenstocks, cargo shorts, phone, two lighters for some reason, smokes, a bottle cap, and a tshirt referencing an obscure podcast.

My mask

A pouch of rolling tobacco

A set of nice tools, keys to a cool car you’ll have to puzzle out, and a 4080ti card.

All my hobbies lol

Yubikeys

Common: A wallet with a few dollars, an Id card, library card, gym card. A monster energy, a broken watch, a book(common)

Uncommon: Headphones, a cool hat, cool socks(mismatched), an Acer 730 chromebook, boxing gloves

Rare drop: car keys to a shitty 2002 Toyota that isnt currently running

Dam I really dont own/carry many valuable items.

A cock meat sandwich.

Tacos

Nothing, but if you process my carcass and cook with the bacon, you get really fuckin' stoned off your ass.

• ThinkPad
• Digital camera
• Water bottle
• Chinese cigs/snus
• Fantasy book I'm reading
• Google pixel with grapheneos (which will be useless heh)
• An assortment of rings
• USB with bangers
• Headphones
• vivo Pad 5
• Notebook
• Wallet

But this is assuming I'd be defeated lmao 😎

A cheap watch, a wallet, filled mostly with receipts, a set of keys, two pairs of glasses.

Two fake hip joints and a green key card.

Hint: There is no green door.

Dementia Lite.

pencils, a sketchbook, maybe a plushie and if increadibly lucky an ultra rare drawing tablet.

a large bottle of Yucateco Red Habanero and $75 in produce vouchers from the Green City Farmers' Market

• a pocket knife from 1993
• hair ties
• pocket lint
• cheese
• a cursed pile of shit that has refused to leave my body for 30 years. it does 3d6 damage and leaves a stain wherever it has touched your skin that can't be washed off