Welcome to America: get the fuck out, immigrant scum

Good luck finding us on a world map. We're famous for two things: an adaptation of a British guy's books, and constantly trying to convince people that we do not want to fuck sheep while one of our banks goes and makes an ad campaign with a sheep that the internet decides is sexy.

Canada - Europe without the culture

Netherlands - capitalist water germans

Closed for repairs until Jan 2028.

Norway - we're better than you.

"Explored the world for spices but decided we didn't like any of them." is the usual one.

"A nation of Baldricks and Blackadders" might also work.

We are responsible for the most public holidays globally: they're all independence from us days.

Welcome to the United States: BRING MONEY or you are dead to us.

A nation of positive thinking worker drones who kneel to lick the anuses of the corporate raiders who own us. We have all the guns we want and the freedom to run people off the road with our big trucks, and after 12 hours on the shitty job we shovel down bland, sugary food and self-lobotomize on 400 streaming channels. To us,kindness is weak and the strong survive. This has us convinced that we're better then everyone else.

The happiest country in the world where everyone is burned out and miserable

"The world thinks we are efficient and have no humor. In reality, our trains are a joke."

Welcome to Canada - where our talented people get famous elsewhere.

I've described western australia as basically texas but drunker.

My dad always called the us "the land of bilk and money".

One that always stuck with me...

"It was a frozen, hostile, wasteland. And there was much work to be done, if we were to survive the elements. After boring a hole through the ice to find food. My good friend Mantook and I, would build an Igloo to protect ourselves from polar bears and flying hockey pucks. Then we would drink a lot of beer, and when Mantook was ready, he would tell me the story of the Great Moose, who said to the little squirrel ‘Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.” - Jim Carrey

The US has been done pretty well. I'm from the state of Indiana, specifically; "There Are A Lot Of People In Indiana, But Annoyingly, I Do Know The Person You're Asking Me About"

We get left off maps.....often!

Would you like to supersize that description for only a dollar more?

We have really good international PR and people think we're "nice" but most of the governments in charge are conservative. People think we have universal healthcare but it's actually two tier and up to individual provinces where conservatives are eroding public healthcare away with barely a whimper of protest from the citizens. It's cold and dark half the year, our currency is weak, and cost of living is insane. Welcome to Canada!

Why limit yourself to just a border sign? Let me write a whole self-deprecating travel booklet!

Welcome to one of the world's famous places for exile convicts since XVII century!

It's cold in here? Oh, don't be silly, just put on some warm clothes! You simply have to, as you're now trapped here and not even allowed to have too many proper roads to the mainland. Don't even try to leave this place!

Tired of campism? Don't worry, there are only two living camps: governor-general's people and aggressive bears. So you won't be torn between factions... you'll just be torn into fractions.

No, of course you're not allowed to claim any of these abundant natural resources! In fact, you're considered as one of them. How convenient to keep you here!

Welcome here! You have chosen, or been chosen, to relocate to one of our finest remaining places in the globe. It's safer here. At least there are no motor-scooter sounds in the night sky...

Turkey managed to convert a secularist revolution into a religious dictatorship.

Welcome to the UK a lot of things are our fault but we won't apologise.

"Australia is the arse end of the world."

Attributed (and slightly paraphrased) to ex-Prime Ministers Kevin Rudd, Paul Keating (who later denied saying anything of the sort), and Bob Hawke (need a necromancer to find out if he really said it).

We all think it's the greatest country in the world.

Also… we never actually learned the names of any other countries in school, so it's kinda impossible to name any alternatives.

Australia - bitches of the USA

It's cheating, but one word: Trump

In all seriousness:

Welcome to America! Land of School Shooters and Prayers Only Afterwards!

cheeseburger genetics

Not quite as bad as the US in almost every metric! Proud second-last place on every ranking of developed countries.

Some of the best qualities of Italy and Spain added together... and their worst multiplied.

Welcome to the US: we are a lot friendlier than the actions of our government might lead you to believe.

Small patch of unnaturally flat earth filled to the brim with a mix of moody, always busy, direct to your face, cheese farm descendants turned bureaucrats, drug-den youngsters, aging white boomers that own every piece of real-estate and immigrants from EVERY corner of the planet, all 18 million of whom are perpetually unfulfilled in life even though they're supposedly ranked 7th in world's best list. - "Happy" Holland

Our last child torture camp shut down in 1997.

We have the same prices as the rest of the EU but our salaries are 1/5 (considering currency conversion too), Romania

welcome to orbanistan, recently renamed for our new glorious leader! we're the perfect hangout spot for commies for that raw soviet vibe, because we sure as hell haven't progressed since. indulge yourself in a thousand intricate flavours of hate, walk the depressed streets of our only city, or simply enjoy our currency making you feel like a millionaire just for being able to afford to visit.

Duitchland but small and with cheese

Snob and so far incapable of officially facing our colonial past

That feels unfair though because I like to see the best in people. But I did the assignment