$5.99 a month.

Double flush for only $10.00!

And the app requires a non-jailbroken Apple or Android with strong play integrity plus photos of your face, your ID, and your shit to flush.

I don't see an artist signature

And then they will sell that data to health insurance

"It's not that bad, you just need to listen to 3 un-skippable 3 minute ads, then you can flush"

Surge flushing is real.

Automatic DNA tests on whatever you "deposit" into the "specimen chamber" and results sold to the insurance companies so they can increase your rates of drop your coverage coincidentally before you see an actual diagnosed.

Your butt told on you for pre crime.. Minority Repoopt

The cool thing about the wifi-enabled model is you get the built in camera and microphone as standard

Just dump a bucket of water in afterwards.

"Also the hole is only big enough for farts."

I'd be okay with this if I could integrate it with home assistant. Just poo, wipe, and go. If seat goes from detecting a user to not detecting a user for 30 seconds, then flush, wait 15 seconds, disperse air freshener aroma.

It can't be through a company cloud system though, it's got to be local only. My poo schedule is not for data collection! :p

I'm certain that already exists

Don't forget you will need to prove your identity by uploading your driving licence before you can download the app.

Pretty soon we'll have AI toilets for some reason. They'll be able to send push notifications to your phone. I imagine a future where your toilet is hungry because you went on vacation and needs you to shit in it so bad.

Hijinks ensue when they put their phone in their pocket unlocked while their spouse or child is using the toilet.

Don't laugh guys, this WILL happen in the near future

invest in some drill bits/hole saws rated for porcelain, and you can modify that shit off

What's with the pie

Next up, LG to begin toilet manufacturing so they can store a record or your turds in plaintext.

The older I get, the better I understand Harry Tuttle from Brasil.

This dystopian hell hole is already here. I present the Sloped Toilet to prevent workers from getting a few extra minutes.

Also don’t forget the monthly fee

And the app is only available on the Play store. Think about us deGoogled users!

What a shitty future.

My friend has a toilet that has its own remote control. There’s no flush handle. It’s the dumbest thing on earth.

"... for your convenience."

Why a pipe and slice of cake?

Or at least instead of a handle, there's a capacitive slidey thing.