I used to think the KISS song went I wanna rock and roll all night... and part of every day.

It's far less hard core that way.

My roommate used to think Jimi Hendrix sang "excuse me while I kiss this guy" until I explained it was "sky".

Although in his defense years later I heard a live version where I'm pretty sure he changes it for a verse or two to "kiss this guy."

Dirty deeds and the THUNDER CHIEF

Probs a common one but when ever Blinded By The Light came on I only heard "woke up like a douche" instead of "revved up like a deuce"

When I was about 10, instead of “smoke two joints”, I thought it was “spoke to Joyce”.

I spoke Joyce in the morning
I spoke to Joyce at night
I spoke to Joyce in the afternoon
it makes me feel alright

I spoke to Joyce in time of peace
and too in time of war
I spoke to Joyce 
before I spoke to Joyce 
and then I spoke some more

I spoke to Joyce when I get up
In the car I spoke to Joyce
I spoke to Joyce 
when I play videogames
and at every 10,000 points 
I spoke to Joyce!

My mom laughed for 5 full minutes when I told her.

Chop Suey:

Why'd you leave the kids upon the table?

I still sing it like that for the absurdism.

For us Dutch it is a mondegreen to hear "fok die kerstman" instead of "rock the casbah".

The Decemberists have a rock opera called Hazards of Love and in one song, Annan Water, the main character is trying to strike a bargain with a river to allow him passage across it. It includes the line:

Though my mother cries that if I try I sure will drowned be

For the longest time, I would have sworn the lyric was:

Though my mother cries that if I try I sure will drown in pee

Have a listen and tell me you don't hear that, too.

In the song Brown Eyed Girl:

Whatever happened

to Tuesday and so slow

Gun down the old man with a

transistor radio

I was picturing someone holding out a radio in front of them, brandishing it at the old man like how you'd wave a cross at a vampire. The old man doesn't like that newfangled rock and roll music, so they're shooting the sound waves at him to scare him off.

(It's "going down the old mine with a transistor radio," but whatever.)

My fave when this subject comes up: “last night I dreamt of some bagels” as the opening line to La Isla Bonita by Madonna

My wife was singing "Hello darkness, smile friend" until she met me. When I heard it I was like, "can you sing that back for me one more time?"

I don't know how long we laughed but it was equally funny the next day when we remembered it again.

Misheard lyrics, also called 'mondegreens'.

I have a friend who thought Sinead O'Connor must've been a mechanic.

Every time she heard the song"Mandinka" she would sing along with it.

And I do love, mending cars

Dirty deeds done with sheeps. They're dirty deeds and they're done with sheeps.

My daughter when she was young: "All the other kids better run, better run, faster than my brother."

I'm not sure this song ever made it out of Canada, but Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm by Crash Test Dummies has a verse where a girl in school wouldn't change with the other girls, and when they made her, she had, in what I thought the lyric was, "burn marks all over her body". I assumed the song was about child abuse, and they were cigarette burns. The other verses are about a kid with a shock of white hair from "a car crash" and a kid who always has to come home right after school, so it kinda made sense in a consistent enough way...

Anyway, for basically my whole life I thought that's what the song was about. Turns out the lyrics are "birth marks all over her body", and the point of the song is more about kids being othered for things outside their control.

I still think I prefer my version...

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get rid of my friends

Apparently when I was 3, the song, "If you're gonna play in Texas," by Alabama, came out.

I heard, "If you're gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a parallelogram."

Not really misheard lyrics, but more like ignored lyrics... I completely glossed over the middle verse of Object by Ween when it came out and thought it was about a guy who lost his lover and the search party only found her sweater.

It's about a serial killer. The middle verse talks about wearing her skin like a body suit. 🤣

My contribution here is to let those who did not know (like me until recently) that the misheard version of lyrics (or phrase) causing them to have a new meaning is called “Mondegreen"

Ella Langley : Choosing Texas

"she's from texas I can tell by the way he's goose-stepping round the room"

In the song "Coming Undone" by Korn I thought the line was "i fight my demons with my friends" which is kinda wholesome but its actually "I thought my demons were my friends" which is much sadder :(

Say it Ain't So by Weezer

Instead of "Wrestle with Jimmy" I always hear "rustlin jimmies"

My life has been extraordinary Blessed and cursed at once

It's "blessed and cursed and won". Totally ruined one of my favorite lyrics ever when I figured that out.

Missing by Everything but the girl. I thought she sang 'tiramisu, like the dessert mystery'.

It's an oldie, but my parents had George Benson's Give Me The Night on during a road trip and I was pretty sure he was saying "Give me the knife"

You can tell by the way I use my wand, Im a woman-man no automaton.

Stayin Alive circa 2001 on my crappy boombox .

Billy Jean is not my lover

She's just a girl that thinks that I am the one

But

The chair is not my size

HAMSTER

"Sharp dressed man" always heard it as "Shy best man" this may have had a minor counterproductive impact on my behavior when I was a teenager.

Jeff Davis of Who's Line is it Anyway has a story about a friend of his mishearing "reach down, ease the seat back" in Van Halen's Panama as "reach down, ease the seed bag", as in adjusting his nuts. Always cracks me up when I think of that or hear the song

In the song "Edge of Seventeen" by Fleetwood Mac, the first line "Just like the white-winged dove", I misheard as "one-winged dove" for years

My family sings “More Than a Woman” as “Bald-Headed Woman” and when you hear it, it’s impossible to unhear it.

That Pete Seeger song (which isn't really his, but that's the version I heard) has Cuban Spanish lyrics and isn't at all about a One Ton Tomato.

I thought the velvet underground "run run run" was

Run run run run run take your jacket too

Instead of "take a drag or two"

Good advice when it's cold out!

When the song was new, my dad heard I’m Your Venus played over the school cafeteria speakers, but everyone else knew the song so they didn’t react to it. He went years never understanding the meaning of that song.

When I worked at a grocery store I always heard 'I hope you dance' as 'I want you dead'. The pa speakers were kinda shit and when the song eventually came up on radio on the drive home I was like "ooooooohhh!" out loud in the car by myself because I was wondering what it could possibly be since it was obviously not what I heard it as.

When I was a kid I heard The Go-Go's Our Lips Are Sealed as "Alex the seal".

Doesn't matter what they say

In the jealous games people play

Alex the seal

I thought it was about a sad bullied seal.

From Rush's "Farewell to Kings"...

Bleating at the marketplace, And stopping at the "Y"

Very unusual behaviour for those scheming demons.