Published: September 18, 2023

“Through a joint initiative between the VA, the Department of War, and the Department of Health and Human Services, all veteran mental health treatment has b...

After advocating for and celebrating the passage of I-638—which effectively forces every girl to get a genital exam in order to play school sports—one local man says he’s tired of everyone assuming…

“My name is Otto Alchen-Zimmerbud. I’m twenty years old, and I’m raising $67 billion dollars for a new AI fund called Infinite Upside.”

William Bradford reminded the men that they were a Christian people, and had never before engaged in such carnal pleasures. “Right?” he asked.
They all did t...

“Oh Lord, what does it say about this country when a man can’t even hold a gun to his wife’s head and still keep his congressional seat?”

McSweeney’s authors Ginny Hogan and Carlos Greaves (Obey in Advance: How to Survive and Thrive Under Authoritarianism) have put on their Kornacki khakis and ...

Use a drop box people

Get under the covers and tell yourself it’ll all be okay
Get under the covers and tell the world it’ll all be okay.
It’ll all be okay, right?

Für den US-Markt: Audi stellt neues Firmenlogo vor

After many requests to modernize and update which fascist-founded car brand he regularly eats for breakfast, today Seattle’s Fremont Troll announced he’s officially updated the Nazi car brand he’s …

“We hope that by banning cell phone use during the ritual, we can encourage people to live in the moment and engage authentically with their surroundings as ...

A Ballard man became the latest victim of rising car part thefts across the nation tonight when he was abducted while walking to a Halloween party in a Honda CR-V catalytic converter costume. “At a…

“The full moon is not an excuse for absenteeism. While HR acknowledges that you become a five-hundred-pound, flesh-hungry wolf, our company calendar was set ...

“I appreciate you stopping to help, and hopefully you understand ASL, but you’re fussing over nothing. It’s just a scratch. This kind of thing happens all th...

ARISTIDES: Greetings, Pheidippides! But why are you covered in sweat?
PHEIDIPPIDES: It is because I ran all the way here from Marathon. My friend, I bring im...

“Finding the full-size candy bar house is one of childhood’s great moments. We would never take that away. We’ve just tweaked it. Every kid still walks away ...

“Honestly, if we end up with two hundred and twenty-five seats on the White Council, I would be disappointed. I would rather Sauron keep control of Middle-ea...

Evacuation orders were in effect after downtown residents noticed a Black man was left suspiciously unattended in a high population area.