"Ram prices plummet- Solid state memory overstock reaching critical levels"

I'll just say it's an obituary and be confident that I won't need to say more.

"Every single AI company declared bankruptcy, all of their executives received the instant death penalty, and Donald Trump died a slow agonizing death over a 92-hour period."

In rapid succession:

• Sustainable energy now open-source

• Rewilding commons yields global benefits

• Atmospheric CO2 reaches pre-industrial levels

• World Food Programme ends human hunger

• World Rejoices in universal debt jubilee

• Humanity achieves intergenerational wealth for all

• First Contact Consensus: Together, We Ascend

Trump Found Dead on Toilet

Netanyahu Assassinated, Israel Collapses

Putin Dead of Colon Cancer, Russia Retreats from Ukraine

Socialist Revolution in North Korea

Myanmar Rebels Unite and Overthrow Junta

Sudanese Anarchist Republic Recognized by UN General Assembly

Saudi Royal Family Flees Capital During Violent Uprising, Interim Government in Talks with Yemen

DRC Enacts and Enforces Stringent Labour Laws, Ebola Cases Low

Canada's Green Party Elects first Woman Premier

China Enshrines Proportional Representation into Law

I think a lot of us are waiting for the same headline.

"White House confirms independent media reports that President Donald Trump has passed"

Or something like that, because we all know the white house won't go out and say he has passed, other outlets will report it first, then at one point the white house will have to say it.

Former president executed for ultra-treason

Obituary, but I keep getting the wrong ones.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

"Donald Trump, Disgraced President of the USA, Dead at 81"

Trump sentenced to 400 years solitary confiment after being found guilty.

Drug found that can extend life to 500 years.

A quick death is too good for some

Donald Trump, JD Vance, Marco Rubio, Pete Hegseth, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Nancy Pelosi. Chuck Schumer, Vladimir Putin, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Altman. Dario Amodei, Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, Jared Kushner, Kamala Harris, and Russell Vought all die mysteriously seemingly within minutes of each other.

Russia defeated in Ukraine

That Man Is Dead!

Obituary for CEOs of AI companies

"So much new housing has been built, everyone can now afford buying their own before their 40s"

or better

"Corporations in fatal decline as most of the economy is now organised via cooperatives"

he's dead

"AfD Banned"

When is the ORANGE OBITUARY!

The death of Tryanny and all it's orange forms

'Massive Galactic Federation ship marks new beginning for humanity!'

"Law of equivalent exchange proven by science, Ted Cruz transmuted into enough pure energy to run planet for a century."

The one that we are all waiting for. He can’t have that much time left. Recreational sales will reach record numbers that day. Parties will be had. The next day will suck, but for that day—that night—we will fucking party hard.

During Trump's first term, I kept predicting that one day he would go missing, along with one of his helicopters, and turn up in Russia weeks later

people now able to humanize those they do not understand

"Tech market crashing. Massive economic down turn."

"Russia overwhelmed, can no longer sustain war."

"United States completely crashes. Becomes third world country."

"Upper class mass murder! Multiple billionaires and multi millionaires assassinated!"

Star Citizen announces 1.0 release date.

"US Government collapses"

Either the he's dead or that the market has crashed and we're entering recession. If the latter, people will have to realize the system doesn't work and will be forced to mobilize like France. They won't feel the comfort of "it's not me yet". It'll be hell on earth :)

Nice try

Epstein files fully released

EVERYTHING IS OK NOW
Full story p9

America officially dissolves congress and becomes a dictatorship

The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

MAGA disintegrates in orgy of backstabbing as opportunists scramble to fill reeking power vacuum left by massive Big Mac Attack.

"Against all expectations, the former United States of America has been replaced by a new, socialist government, and promised land back and self-determination up to and including secession for indigenous peoples."

"Xi Reads History Book; Realizes Taiwan Isn't Part of China After All"

Free beer day at Minoqua Brewing.

Members of Trump's administration begin being prosecuted. The Supreme Clownshow didn't give them all immunity

abdul fattah el sisi gets overthrown and is replaced with a real democratic president

Aliens invade earth, force utopia on everyone.

(short version because long it could get very complicated)