Growing up, I’ve always heard that we were living in the end times. That one day, something will happen that will punish everyone who deserves to be punished. At least, that’s what I was told. But does that mean everyone will be punished? Or, will some be spared? What happens to those who were chosen to be spared? Would they die like the bad people, or would they continue to live?

Or, would being able to live be the punishment?

I think about this a lot. Because I was born into this world of misery and death, does that mean that I’m a bad person? That I was chosen to be punished? But why? I didn’t choose to be born.

So…why am I here then?

I made this to use as my lockscreen as well as trying 9ut a new style of painting

As inspired by Kasane Teto

So tired of the loss, the struggle, the loneliness, the always giving, never getting. I'm so very, very tired.

Family members always asking for me to do something for them but never lift a finger to help. Work putting me through hell but no compensation. Giving my all to work and family with no help in return.

I always thought making my hobbies more interesting would make people be interested in me but all I get is "Oh cool...anyways-" when I show them the video game I made. When I tell them the book I wrote. When I show them a painting I made. I get ghosted when I try to talk to people I meet. They say the only way to cure loneliness is by yourself but that's a load of bullshit. I can only say I have one friend who I sometimes play games with and talk over discord. I've met people but I'm always to initiate conversation, to invite them to do something. Recently, I've met people who seemed interested in the work I do and requested my contact info. But yet, my messages remain empty.

I hear of people I know in my life traveling, winning big amounts of money, getting married, having kids, getting promoted. Me? A virgin with a bachelor's, in their 30s, living with their parents, stuck in a job for 2 years that still considers me a trainee, and posting a vent online because no one in my life gives a shit about how I'm feeling.

I'm so very tired, boss.

I need some good news to lift my otherwise shitty situation. What was the last thing that brought you to tears from happiness?

I've always been interested in learning other languages so it'd be cool to get some recommendations. So far, I've come to like Me!Me!Me! by Teddyloid, the instrumental for Headbanger by Baby Metal, J'en Ai Marre by Alizee, and Yuve Yuve Yu by The HU.

For example, I love to sing. However, only one other person in my life has ever heard me sing and I haven't seen that person in years. I'm not sure I'm good at singing but I think I can hit the notes well enough.

The mother as drawn by her husband, Ray

Drawn on a S25 Ultra

Be it your best friend, your dog, cat, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, and all that exists in between. How did you meet them?

I don't mean like how happy you are today. I mean overall, are you satisfied with everything you are up until this point? For me, for an example, I have a decent job that keeps my head just above water. I have a loving family that I see every couple months or weeks. I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. But, overall, I'm sort of lonely and exhausted from constantly working. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm about a 6.