There is someone who works a new stand. Everyday an elderly man walks up to the stand, looks at the news papers and the walks of in disgust.

Eventually the worker stops the old man and asks him "Why do you do that every day?"

The old man says "I am looking for a specific obituary."

The worker says "But the obituaries are in the back on the new paper."

The old man says "Not this one."

I check headlines everyday for the big win. Everyone at work is planning a huge party for when it happens. If I happen to be off shift that day I’ll be dancing in the streets with everyone else.

They don’t make a beer mug big enough for the celebration that will ensue after he dies.