Cherish that fact.

I think it's survivorship bias. People with functional relationships with their parents (myself included) probably don't feel much need to weigh in.

People's families are complicated, and sometimes they need to vent. I (generally) don't see a problem with giving them space to do so.

People rarely feel the need to talk about how good their relationship with their dad is. Well except for one friend of mine, but to be fair to her her dad sounds exceptionally good.

But yeah, my father and I haven't been on speaking terms in a decade.

... this is the tame, fishbowl, lemmy version of 4chan community.

Yes, yes obviously most of the people here come from very fucked up families.

... do you think normal, well adjusted, happily raised children... tend to end up anywhere near 4chan?

There's a reason 4chan has been repeatedly targetted and 4channers have been repeadtedly weaponized by extreme right wing political groups.

4chan's demographic is primarily fucked up young men/boys.

Mine was not horrible, just exasperating. I warned him about every single thing that caused him issues, but he refused to listen, and that killed him.

I feel like there's no human relationship that doesn't experience strain and parental ones can be tough.

Even though my parents are wonderful people we still have our stresses, mistakes, a few scars, and our differences. They will never know I'm bisexual, they will never know I've done weed let alone hard(er) drugs, they don't share my sense of humor - so we're not "friends" - but we do love each other.

Not me. Had a great dad who disappeared after my conception

While my relationship with father is bittersweet, I would by no means term it horrible. The man taught me most of the things I know when banks were crushing him.

On average a person will rather share negative things than positive things.

I like my parents well enough

yes.

people who don't hate their parents are rare.

even people who had wonderful parents... i know tons of them... hate their parents for not doing more for them.

a lot of children are infinitely resentful of their parents for not giving them more than they could. like, my favorite example is I dated a lady once who was enraged her parents only gave her $50,000 as a graduate gift, and spent every other date going on about how terrible and awful her parents were to her despite them giving her an objectively awesome life. She was an only child. Met sooo many people like that, and they are so weirdly arrogant, they would lecture me on how my parents being poor and abusive was 'more privileged' than them..

and it's also true, many of us had really bad parents. i think my parents tried they best, but their best was objectively shitty, and it was abusive. because well, all they knew was abuse themselves, they didn't know any better or how to break the cycle of abuse. so i had to do that. my own siblings actually, actively admit my parents were objectively shittier to me than they were to them... and they said they never really could figure out why my parents hated me so much, even though i was a really good kid who never did anything bad or wrong. for whatever reason, esp my dad, just hated me for not being what they wanted me to be, and even though I got into Harvard, they looked down on me for it. even at my college graduation they were not proud, they were resentful. what my dad wanted was for me to be a state uni football player douche bro, and what i was was a massive nerdy sensitive theater kid.

oh, and my graduation gift? Was a $20 handshake, and a bill for my healthcare costs that was like $2,000, and my first student loan payment, which was $300. lol

Count yourself lucky

I love my parents. We had great relationship growing up and still do. They are weirdos. I love them.

That said, parents fuck you up even the awesome ones lol. Being a parent fucks you up too. It's a crazy complicated relationship to have good or bad.

No one consents to being born. Love my parents, even if they are MAGA morons. Even if they kicked me out of their house when they could. Even if they give me massive shit for how I live my life almost every time I see them.

Despite all that, I can see their intentions. My mom wanted a baby to love. My dad wanted me to be a wage slave master and not a wage slave.

Thank you for sharing your experience. As someone who doesn't have kids to begin with I can't even begin to imagine

Sending love your way <3

Thank you for sharing. My coworker just lost her daughter to suicide and she has been understandably inconsolable. She's had an outpouring of sympathy, but I wanted to give her something more than just words from a childless adult who could never possibly relate to what she is going through. I will suggest the ring made with some ashes. I think that will help bring her some comfort.

I was homeless for a while.

... I know I couldn't handle being a real paramedic.

Made my way as a make shift paramedic, treating various injuries and wounds that people would... appear with, at or near an encampment or something. Usually just field dressing a laceration, jerry rigging a makeshift splint.

Occasionally a gunshot wound.

I always begged people who needed more care than I could provide to go to a hospital.

Sometimss they did, sometimes they or their friends would refuse.

Fentanyl... zombies is actually pretty close to an accurate description.

I've seen more necrotic flesh, gray tissue and pus where either a stab wound or injection site once was... than I want to remember.

Your body can't naturally heal when it's ... hooked on the blues. The stuff was all crushed blue tablets where I was, everybody just called em 'blues'.

Successfully stabilized a few ODs ... not all of them.

Also happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time: drive by shooting.

The streets are basically like a warzone, if you're in them too long.

Fuck, I'm two years out of homelessness now, and I'm still doing PT to recover from my own injuries.

I knew a guy who, as part of his job, had to clean up suicide scenes.
That really did a number on him. He developed polytoxicomania, hit rock bottom and never really got back on his feet again. These memories must be haunting you forever.

Fair, but I believe it is different to do this as. a job, with strangers, and to experience it with close people. Still sucks.

I think often just being there makes a big difference, even if there's nothing that can be done.

I'm sorry, that sounds so hard. Handling logistics in a traumatic situation is such a hugely important task. Definitely don't sell yourself short. Even is you didn't do anything you're "holding space"

It ruined that scene in the The Princess Bride for me.

Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father.

I've heard it to varying degrees, but the worst was the kid that shot themself by accident because dad got drunk and left his handgun out. Mom made it to the hospital and was obviously distraught ... then she saw the body.

The noise she made is indescribable. An overcrowded, chaotic Emergency Department full of hardened nurses and doctors dropped into 5 seconds of complete silence and inactivity. Even other patients screaming in pain stopped.

It triggers some primal response in your brain you didn't know exists until you hear it. It will stay with you for the rest of your life. The sound a mother makes she she sees her dead child is inarguably the worst sound in the world.

I don't have kids. But in pondering questions like this, I would take some solace that people have always been having children. ALWAYS. Pick the most horrific events and eras in history; there were people having kids and trying to find the most happiness they could for them and their children. The Black Death? The Bronze Age Collapse? The sacking of entire cities by Mongol hoards? People living in literal death camps in the Holocaust? There were people there having children. And when they did, they did their best to give their children as good a life as they could, same as you do now.

The best you can do is teach him the tools with which to deal with and celebrate life.

I like ABA Naturally in terms of helping you practice getting into the mindset for "I want to understand why my kid is doing this, and teach them how to navigate life."

My uncle was a paramedic. It really messed him up.

I've lost several people to suicide. The hardest was a good friend I'd known for years and who had been my roommate one summer.

That one was 25 years ago and it still hurts.

I'd be willing to help you train to fight the T-Rex. You don't have to lose.

My parents are crazy too but they’re drug free, which has always confused me. The problem is their personality, not an addiction. But I have thought about how they’d react - my mom would play the victim and my dad would play pickleball/tennis. That’s just what they’ve always done. I look forward to the day they die. When all of my grandparents died my parents became slightly more tolerable. I imagine my baseline will also rise….

gods damn, that's a damn powerful haiku

This is because you have empathy which is part of what makes truly good people. You can do it

Hey anon, just in there, hope you're still there and doing better.

If it matters, I'm somewhat religious, but plenty people I know are non-religious and chill. I hope your mum will turn around. May life go better for you.

Dad, Mom, sibs, close friends, person who's nice to you at the bus stop, and of course the person you hate most in the world

My heart drops to see others cheer or downplay other's suffering. The only people that need to die are the ones who desire war.