The horrors persist, but so do i.

Sometimes I ignore the question and just move on in conversation. Most people don't even notice because they're asking out of habit, not to actually ask you how you're doing.

I'm here is an answer. If you deflect you also get your point across.

Really though, it depends entirely on the person. With my partner I will try to give the most complete answer I can, with friends and coworkers it depends on how close our relationship is. With strangers it may be a completely perfunctory answer to a completely perfunctory question, especially if I'm not up for defending a non-perfunctory answer, but I like to keep my answers real when I have the spoons for it.

I find this question quite fascinating: Culturally, there are countries where this gets asked indeed as a form of greeting, not a genuine question.

In Slavic countries, I feel like if you get asked this question, it's generally considered to be of genuine interest, and you'll get a genuine reply. Nothing offensive or informal about saying "Things are bad." or "I feel bad.", or any variant of such.

This might be my perception however, and feel free to correct me. I myself think that if someone asks how I'm doing, I have no need or responsibility to "remain positive/pleasant".

“Eh, been better.”

I feel like that response is real without oversharing, and invites someone to respond however they want. If they care, they can ask what’s up, or they can just say, “aw bummer man, hope it gets better for you,” or whatever.

Not dead yet

"Great!"

"Alright, you?"

"Living the dream."

"Another day in paradise."

"One day closer to death."

Depending on my mood

"Its going" gets the message across. Kind of shit, but time passes.

"Eh, tired.", usually.

People tend to get it. They're probably tired too.

-- Frost

Took me years to realize that the "correct" reply is to ask the same question back, not answering.

But my go-to phrase when having just gotten out of bed, headed for my shift was "too early to tell"

“How ya doing?”

“Doing my best.”

"Hangin' in there" is what I generally use when I'm not fine but I know it's just a greeting. It conveys that things are less than fine, but not by how much, and that I'm still functioning.

Some other, more flippant ones: "As well as can be expected", a shrug and a "meh", "Too early to tell" (if it's first thing in the morning / just arriving to work), "Sitting up and taking nourishment", etc.

You can even skip answering at all, and move directly to the response greeting, "Hey, how are you?"

"Getting by" or "carrying on" assuming I don't want to invite deeper discussion of my issues.

“I’ve been better” is my go to

"Fine" tone of voice fills in the rest.

Treat it non-literally. Say 'How's it going?' which turns it into a greeting rather than a question.

just say "not well" if you are not well. if they dont care, then what do you care what they think.

personally i find it degrading to pretend everything is fine if things are not fine.

“I’m alright” seems like the universal way to say “I’m not alright”

"breathing" or "alive"

To which they normally say: "better than the alternative!"

And my final reply to that is: "some days."

My go-to is the ol Lebowski quote, "Strikes and gutters, ups and downs"

I like to use lines from Country + Western songs.

"I'm another day older and deeper in debt." 16 Tons.

"I killed a man in Reno, just to see him die.' "Folsom Prison Blues.'

You get the idea.

“Better now that the voices have finally sto… ah dammit.”

"Still kicking but not screaming!"

"I've been worse"

This is going to come off with a heavy “if life gives lemons” vibe, but over time it does work. Where I went to college, there was a day every year, I think during Fall or Spring, where everyone greeted everyone. Nobody made a big production about it, just a simple, “hi” or “what’s up.” Weird thing is it had a tendency to keep going beyond the day. Most people only did it on the day, but a surprising number of people kept doing it outside of that. Including me, eventually! I still make an effort to be nice to people, and I trace it back to that. No, it doesn’t magically make my day better, but it’s one nice thing that happened. Plus, over time it helps me see/appreciate even small positives, which helps keep me from getting too weighted down by the bad stuff.

Don’t mean to trivialize the bad stuff in your life, OP. I do hope you’re able to manage it, and not let it beat you down. When I started college, I was a pretty negative person. While I wouldn’t call myself “sunny” all these years later, I do see a big difference in my general outlook compared to younger me.

I'm awake, but I'd rather not be.

It depends on who's asking.

Generally I like to tell what's on my mind. Or, if I say stuff is fine, I'll explain what I've been doing lately.

I'm not a person who avoids difficult topics so it's kinda natural for me to answer "more honestly".

Depending on the person:
"Not great tbh."
"Pretty fucking bad. lol"
"NOT GREAT MY DUDE, NOT GREAT"

I'm usually asked this at work, so my go-to response is, "Well, I'm here." Which most seem to understand.

"Existing!" and then usually they pause and we talk about something else.

"Vertical."

"As always." is an old favorite of mine. They'll assume things are neither particularly good nor bad, when what you mean is that you always feel bad.

“Well enough” if you want to be genuine, but brief and convey that things are not aces.

But usually just mirroring “How are you!” in the same tone as the first part of the greeting establishes that it is a ritual, not a question.

@Bougie_Birdie "I'm awake" is what I go for when I'm not being recorded, "Not too bad" when I am. I have heard that "Living the dream" is White Man for "Push me off of the roof. We can make it look like an accident."

"Never better"

laughs manically

then just suddenly emotionless...

"I am"

"Fine. As always. And you?"

Like you said, that is not the kind of question someone asks to get any kind of personal/intimate answer, it's merely a way to be polite.

Hanging in..

"Better than I deserve"

"Fair to muddling." or

"Just another day in paradise."

hangin in there! *sigh of whatever length feels appropriate for how close I am to falling*

An old gaming buddy suggests

"Peachy"

Adjust your tone of voice to suit the day.

just say "Life,,, ya know" If they are only being polite they'll answer "for sure" and thats it.
If they really care and want to know theyll ask more and then you can go into more detail.

Brought to you by "protocols autistic people have to memorize" lol that being me

“Ok”

"Fine". Anything that is "fine" is certainlg not.

"up and not crying"

...that is, if I'm not crying.

“Could be worse” assuming it can be worse (and it probably can)

Joke answers that, while untrue, make me smile when I respond.

"Happier than a possum up a pant leg."

"Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger."

"Going crazier than a shit-house rat." is my favorite but not always cromulent.

Even the nurses ask that in an office where a majority of patients have crippling, often painful disabilities. lmao. Can't escape it. I just mentally replace it with "hi" in my head and respond "decent, thanks" ("hello"). Or if I'm really struggling, I leave off the thanks.

Depends. I've realized that people aren't really looking for an answer beyond being acknowledged, so "hey", "hey, how are you?" or a simple return of the greeting lets them know that you hear them and are completing the social contract. If they follow up or if it's asked in a context where I think they want an answer sometimes I just say "here" or "breathing" and that gets the point across.

I don't.

Which means the average dumbass that thinks existence isn't torture quickly stops responding to me. Which means I am quickly alone yet again.

Do better than that. For your own sake, do better than that.

I say “getting better.” Optimism, but it also says things aren’t great right now. But they can get better.

Honest.

"Good, you?"

I've been taught that just means "hi," so I respond "good," which also means hi.

"I am vertical."

"I'm awake."

"Okay, thanks for asking. How are you?”

If it's someone I have a specific reason to believe does not enjoy the suffering of others, "Not gonna lie, I'm straight up not having a good time my dude"

But usually it's "Oh, you know"

"I'm still here."

I am visibly disabled. the last time i was asked some version of "hey, how are you" that was not in a clinical situation was over a decade ago. people use different phatic expressions because they fear I might answer honestly.

my usual answer is "i'm alive/here. that makes it a good day" which people take as an optimistic greeting but folk who know me well, uh

"Thanks, how are/about you?"

So, not responding and directing the attention to the person who asked. Especially useful, if the person asking isn't even (genuinely) interested, but just asking as a form of greeting. The ones who care might either understand you don't want to talk about it or will inquire once more.

Hmm... Now that I think about it, that is awfully close to some US American's way of replying with the exact same question, omitting any kind of reply, concluding the greeting.

"Let me get back to you on that..."

"I've been better. But I've been worse."

You could pretend you're in letterkenny. That's kind of fun.

"HowAreYaNow?"

"Good,andyou?"

"Notsuhbad."

It's just a dialog check to get through. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZAz_MROU2I

Eh.

My goto is "Every day is better than the next."

-Fair to middling

-Hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit

-Finer than frog hair