Ok before I hit the hay. You can turn into an animal at will. Your clothes and such won't turn with you but mass is not conserved so you can turn into something much bigger or smaller. It has to be a real creature that does or has existed and I guess if you want a plant that would be fair game. For me its an albatross. could travel around the world. might even manage to carry something that is not to large if packaged right. I am a bit torn though as the ocean is large so maybe a sea creature would be better. like a killer whale. of course then its not great for getting somewhere inland.

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[–] 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (17 children)

Well you didn't add any caveats to the transformation and you said it's at will so... If mass is not conserved then I'd just turn into something heavy yet compact like a rhino and harvest infinite energy from the toggling. If I get support from a State I might even choose a whale so we can extract the most energy per toggle. You can basically build an engine from it, and since whales are like 200 tons and I'm 70kg, the conversion ratio would be pretty damn good. Though it would require a dedicated facility, which is why I'd rather go with a rhino or something, which is however about 100 times less efficient so it would require 100 times as much toggling. You get the picture.

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  • [–] 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (7 children)

    I remember reading something (might have been xkcd) that said Superman could do the objectively most "good" by simply powering a massive generator and providing free energy to the world. It would benefit the most people at one time, and provide a larger affect than simply beating up bad guys. So, in the same vein, your sacrifice will be remembered.

    Edit: it was SMBC, not xkcd.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    He's an alien being capable of freely traveling the universe that is itself filled with hyper advanced societies and advanced technology. He could literally just go pick up an asteroid of solid gold, go to a planet of hyper tech, and buy an advanced tech to Bing back to Earth.

    He's also a god like being, he could just personally deal with each individual that currently contributes to a complex systemic issue in an afternoon.

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  • [–] 25 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

    Lobster.

    I'd continue to live my normal life during the day, but transform every night to sleep, and don't age during that time. Hell, any time I'm not doing something that requires a human body, just push pause on the aging process for a few hours. Careful application could get me an extra ~40-50% lifespan for free.

    The lobster's biggest problem is always having to grow new shells. If every transformation puts me back exactly where I left off, that could be an issue, but with a part-time human to stock my own tank/pool, getting enough to eat as a lobster to get the energy to do that shouldn't be an insurmountable hurdle.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 weeks ago

    This came to my mind aswell. Made me also think about why we age and if sleeping in an area without background radiation could have a similar effect. Like sleeping in a lead coffin or underground bunker. But i guess these would still inherit the background radiation from the body itself.

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  • [–] 24 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

    Raccoon. Still got haaaaaands biiiitches

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  • [–] 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    Hey OP, have you read the Animorphs book series? They're a YA series, but it actually gets into some heavier shit surprisingly (child soldiers, PTSD, etc) and are not half bad. I bring this up because the premise is some teens are given powers to morph into any animal they "acquire" DNA from by touching. Really gets into the mindset of each animal, what it feels like, how awesome (or terrifying) it is being each animal, etc. Give them a read if you haven't already.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    I loved that series as a kid. IIRC, one of the most useful morphs they had was a house fly because of flight, hard to catch, and most people ignore you as long as you stay out of their way. This allowed them to be a literal fly on the wall in some private meetings with the bad guys.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 weeks ago

    Nobody said cats? I'm very disappointed. I'm going to comb my hair, look at you reproachfully, then go to sleep.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    I am already an animal, but it might be fun to be another type of animal.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 weeks ago

    Look, in fucking July, my species was renamed the fucking paradoxical sea Muppet (Australyichthys paradoxus), and I’m kind of fucking sore about it.

    Fucking Muppet! I’m a fucking seahorse. Fucking look at me you fucking imbeciles. Human fucks! Always fucking with you, fucking shit up, fucking up naming shit, fucking up the sea, ffs they’re the fucking muppets

    So, “seahorse” is my answer, thx

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  • [–] 11 points 2 weeks ago*

    90s Animorphs kid here. I've been considering this for 30 years.

    And I'm not telling

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  • [–] 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    A Rottnest Island Quokka. Highly promiscuous, well fed, no predators and beloved and protected by humans.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    First thought is a very small insect, especially a small flying bug, so I could effectively vanish instantly and escape from most any situation.

    Of course this comes with some assumptions, such as magically keeping my intelligence. And not aging at hyper speed while transformed, etc.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 2 weeks ago

    Yeah my intention was no real gotchas outside of whats listed. so you could effectively disapear as you said as a fly but your clothes and such would fall and you would be naked when you turn back. Honestly the clothes effect would likely that much more make people think you vanishe or teleported or were destroyed or something.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

    A raven doesn't sound too bad. Can fly, smart, doesn't really have a predator so I can explore the world at ease

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    what would you do to cross oceans, plop down on a ship and travel along?

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago

    You can go back and forth between animal and human. Save on airline tickets by being an emotional support raven for someone and ride for free. No friend? Fine, buya human ticket and zhwooop, now and have a seat 5 times your size. Never wait in line to poop. Fill up with one meal. So awesome.

    Plane crashes? Easy, just open a door as a human and transform in the air.

    Raven is the winner.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 weeks ago

    A worm

    I need to check if he's telling the truth

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  • [–] 9 points 2 weeks ago

    Bird. Daily commute will be fun.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 weeks ago

    Tapeworm. Just hanging out in a warm cosy intestine, protected from the outside world and food dropping on to me so I don't even have to move.

    🤣 1
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  • [–] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    Do I get to turn back or is it a one and done thing?

    If the latter, then probably a blue whale. I don't really want to live as a whale but I do want to know in my dying whale breaths that they'll never get the stench of my bloated 30 ton corpse out of the Australian parliament building.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 weeks ago

    When OP opened talking about hitting the hay, I figured his animal would be a horse.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 weeks ago

    A small and cute goat in a petting zoo. You get fed and you can headbutt people and kids to oblivion while everyone thinks it’s cute.

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  • [–] 7 points 2 weeks ago

    3 toed sloth is about my speed

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  • [–] 7 points 2 weeks ago
    [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago

    Beaver. Any day. Favorite animal period. No doubts or worries at all.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago*

    I guess if you want a plant that would be fair game.

    In that case, I would choose a quaking aspen based on the specimen named Pando. I would have a vast array of sizes at my disposal, from as small as a single seed to as large as the 106 acres that Pando covers.

    I want to escape from somewhere? Turn into a seed. I want to destroy an environment? Turn into a giant network of trees.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    Nothing deep sea, I don't want to deal with other creatures in an environment I can't transform back.

    Nothing flying, heights would scare me.

    I am between an elephant and a racoon. Probably a racoon.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    you know that is a good point. I mean flyer you might be able to transorm briefly and back and crushing depths is definately a no go. Your comment makes me more go to flyer to think about something ground based like orangatang which I kinda am feeling from a guys gorilla choice.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    See username. I could probably name a better bird for what I want, but hawk is literally right there. Not actually what it means in my username, but hey, if the shoe fits...

    ...as to why, it's basically just flight.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago*

    has existed

    fuck yeah i'ma turn into a thylacine

    i'd get so many scritches

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

    Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant

    Then I would go around abolishing the state.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    thats a real animal that has existed?

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  • [–] 1 point 2 weeks ago (2 children)
  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    I think a cheetah would be my go. Mostly chill, very cute, excellent at sunbathing, could still play with my dog, and very fucking fast sometimes.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

    yeah something flying would be nice

    what's the apex bird?

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    thats a good question. In my area I feel its the hawk but globally no idea?

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
  • [–] [S] 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    Yikes, imagine having to learn to fly. Sounds rough. I'd be a different human that I would call Rex so I could go to the store without worrying about anyone recognizing me. I'd just rather not have to worry about seeing anyone I know when I'm not in the mood.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    A tiny bird. Maybe a sparrow. Or an elephant, so that Iive in a forest and have a thick skin.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago

    I'm thinking a goose, or a swan. Something where I get to fly but can also hang out on the water and just float.

    Let's not forget Zeus turned into a Swan to have sex with the Queen of the Spartans. So that'd also be on the table.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago

    a brain eating ameba if I can choose a host.

    otherwise, a Giganotosaurus. go big or go home, right?

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago*

    This dove:

    I wanna fly away.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago

    Wolf/husky.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago

    Black bear. I could explore the woods around my house with my new bad ass senses. I'd be the toughest dude in the hood, no other animals could fuck with me. It's illegal for humans to shoot me and we all love our bears anyway. I could finally figure out where the deer sleep and track down the coyotes I've never got close too. Plenty of fish in the creek and the swamp it comes from and plenty of trash cans in the hood. I'd chill out on people's car hoods and porches just to freak 'em out. What a lovely life.

    BONUS: If I see the redneck hunter out there that hates me, I'd follow him at a distance every time he sets foot out there. 😈🖤

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    Dhole (cuon alpinus). Wild canid in south/east Asia. Pack hunters that communicate with whistles and chirps. Barcode scanner dogs.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    I always only have 2 answers for this question.

    1. House cat. You’ll be pampered and have a comfy life. And unlike a dog, you don’t have to show affection to your owner. You can just not give a shit and they’ll find it adorable.

    2. The only other option is some bird that can travel long distances and isn’t easy prey. That way you get to travel.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    Golden Eagle. I could carry groceries.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    Orca. Sure it wouldn't be useful on about 25% of The Earth's surface, but at least nothing in the ocean is gonna successfully fuck with me.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago
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