I told Justin if he didn't behave, he'd have to sleep in the garage again. He's only four, but he has to learn.

That's why I always assume people are talking about their dogs.

Sam just graduated from college and Mary is finishing high school

Me: wow, they have to be so smart! What breed are they?

My sister didn't really get the concept of names for pets when we were younger. We won some rabbits from a fair once and I named mine Licorice and she named hers Sarah. I'll never forget the horrified look on my friend's face when my mom once casually told my sister to, "Take some food out to Sarah's pen, she's been kicking at the bars all day!"

My cousin's dog is named Grandpa and saying things like "I'm trying to get Grandpa not to lick his balls" or "Grandpa keeps eating shit in the backyard" just never is not funny

I caught David humping his sister again.

I had to pry [Jennifer] out from between the couch cushions where she wedged herself the other day

(True story about our ball python)

4. When they get out of the house and you're screaming their name out on the street, a human name sounds like some terrible drama.

"Kelly! Kelly, come back! Come here, girl! Kelly, where are you? Kelly, I've got treats!"

Danny's eating his shit again. I can't wait until he grows out of that.

Sorry, Tina is missing since this morning and i have to leave early to find her.

get home, shake snacks package, Tina appear out of nowhere

Goddammit Peter! Quit sniffing her butt!

Paul climbed on top of the refrigerator and he keeps hissing at me every time I open the freezer.

Ellie hates it when I express her anal glands, but I can't stand to be around her when she backed up.

Barold (Barry for short) spent the entire day trying to eat a mouse

Making up demon names is fun and whimsical. Neth'sin the Ethereal Tormentor likes chin scratches, will rip strangers to shreds, and sometimes defiles laundry.

I do recall that my coworker's son got himself wedged between the stove and fridge, so #3 is plausible for Human-Jennifer.

It's trickier for me when my naming system is a bit different.

"Admiral Fluffybreeches refused to take his bath, the other night."

I recently freed my 8 year old human child from a gap in the couch.

"Michael keeps shitting on the floor!"

Taylor sounds controlling

I love this! Thanks for sharing

"I wish I could lick my own balls like Bob can."

Every millenial ever: human names for pets, pet names for humans.

Dog:

Dave

Their literal son, fruit of their loins; their flesh and blood:

Rett

Went on date last night. Ended up back at my place, had to put Dave in the yard he was being so hyper.

Dammit, I knew I forgot something.