There is a famous one here in Germany that everyone gets wrong.
The original line being sung: "Es tobt der Hass da vor meinem Fenster", meaning "Hatred is raging in front of my window".
What everyone hears: "Es tobt der Hamster vor meinem Fenster", meaning "The hamster is raging in front of my window".

Wrapped up like a douche

Actual lyrics

Revved up like a duece

• Blinded by the light

12 year old me is at the dentist in the middle of getting a cavity filled when Benny and the Jets comes on.

I'm trying not to laugh while the radio keeps saying "She's got electric boobs!"

Hold me closer, Tony Danza.

There's a bathroom on the right.

• why would they sing this?

There's a bad moon out tonight

• oh, that makes sense

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her merry chopsticks.

Excuse me, while I kiss this guy! 😘

Not mine but one day my buddy's 6 year old asked "what's parking tips?" My buddy being a veteran dad gives him some generic parking advice, doesn't think much of it until later when he hears his kid singing along to the shaboozy song but instead of "everyone at the bar getting tipsy" he's sing about how everyone getting parking tips.

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

It always sounds like the lady wants some "fuckin' pie."

Not originally me but I sure hear it now, in Empire State of mind Alicia keys says “concrete jungle where dreams are made of” which is a pretty shit bar in an otherwise good song. A popular way to mishear it is “concrete jungle wet dream tomato”, which makes only slightly less sense

Get lucky by daft punk, when the robot voices say 'we're up all night to get lucky' I can't unhear 'we'll rub up a mexican monkey'.
I'm sorry for ruining this song for you.

What prompted the post: I feel silly even saying it, but there was a rap song playing at my gym with female vocals in the chorus singing what sounded like “it’s the batteries of your mom”, which I’m certain are not the correct lyrics.

When listening to Bad Moon Rising, instead of "there's a bad moon on the rise" I hear "there's the bathroom on the right"

HAMSTER

A song by Fear factory called Linchpin the intro the singer goes "can't take me apart!" Sounds like "cat, give me your paw!!"

In Belle and Sebastian's "Me and the Major' my brain will simply not hear anything except

"Me and the midget don't see eye to eye"

Which I find funny on a couple of different levels.

Oh man, reminds me of kissthisguy.com. Back when the internet was still run by humans.

Tell you one I recently realized: Chattanooga Choo Choo. I don't know who the "original" artist of that one was, it's been a country-western staple for awhile. Came back into my attention recently because I was rewatching Hyce & KaN's Let's Podcast of Railroads Online, and one of several backing tracks is an instrumental version, so the song got stuck in my head. Singing it while doing dishes, I got to a lyric I never understood, and looked it up.

The lyric I heard:

There's gonna be a certain party at the station

Satin and lace, a hustacauphanie face

I...didn't know what "hustacauphanie" meant. My brain did that thing where I assume a word exists I'm not familiar with. Like, you know how sometimes women's skin is compared to alabaster? Hustacauphanie might have been dead people talk for some luxurious or exotic material or...something. So I looked it up. The actual lyric is:

There's gonna be a certain party at the station,

Satin and lace, I used to call 'funny face'

The songwriter managed to pack the entire second act of It's A Wonderful Life into half a lyric. We don't have compression algorithms that good anymore.

From Rock and Roll All Nite by Kiss: I want to rock and roll all niiiite, and part of ev-er-y day!

My childhood best friend absolutely loved this song and sang it out loud ALL the time with these incorrect lyrics, I was totally convinced and would sing along with him. My mom thought it was HILARIOUS and so she never told us lol 😆

(The correct lyrics are and party ev-er-y day)

Ozzy Osborne is famously known for mishearing the lyrics to Jimmy Hendrix’ Purple Haze as “excuse me while I kiss this guy”.

Sex Pistols:

“God save the Queen, The fascist regime, Who made you a moron, And touched your wife’s bum!”

Apparently when I was two or three years old, I insisted the lyric was "If you're gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a parallelogram."

Oh I was maybe 22, 23, loudly singing along with Elton John as he belted out "love I feel it in my haaaands, I can tell by the things I would do with another maaaan!" when I realized that probably was not something someone would sing back then. It literally had never occurred to me that he could be singing anything else, and it still sounds like that to me.

Love lies bleeding is the NAME of the song, but I'd never heard it announced or seen it.

Love lies bleeding in my hands

Oh it kills me to think about you with another man

Brian Adams - Summer of '69

Actual lyrics to start the song: I got my first real six-string, bought it at the five and dime

What I always hear, sung so proudly and nostalgically: I got my first real sex dream down at the five and dime

My mother thought the lyrics to Roberta Flack's version of Killing Me Softly With His Song was "Strumming my face with his fingers" (not strumming my pain).

This is called a "Mondegreen," and there are some examples here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen

Oh my fucking god.

So my best friend heard the line or song, not sure, "Making Whoopie" as a kid. He thought the lyric was "they can whoop me" and thought it was an old slave song. I still shit myself laughing at the entire thing.

In Radiohead's Sit Down. Stand Up, at the end, Thom repeats "The raindrops", but I kept hearing "Power Rangers". I searched for it and found a lot of people in my situation, I was amazed at humans.

Doja Cat - Woman

"Roomba, let me be your Roomba. Roomba Roomba Roomba."

It's supposedly woman, but even listening very closely it's only very loosely "Wom man" and sounds like "Rumah" or "Wumah."

https://youtu.be/g7X9X6TlrUo?t=18

Linkin Park's When They Come for Me:

try the ketchup motherfucker

The hymn Lead on Oh King Eternal sounded like Lead on oh kinky turtle to a very young me.

Michael wants to party all the time - with Eddie Murphy. Thought it was his ode to trans dating.

I used to hear "Honest, Lucille" instead of "Our lips are sealed" from The Go Gos.

Esa son Reebok o son Nike

“Bald-Headed Woman” instead of “More than a Woman.”

For some reason when I was a kid, I thought the song "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield said "You know I wish that I had Tootsie Rolls" instead of "You know I wish that I had Jessie's Girl".

I still don't know why i thought he was singing about tootsie rolls, but that's how I used to sing along to it

When listening to a Michael Patrick Kelly song outside of a running car for the first time, it turned out it wasn't a nerdy song about "Beautiful maths", but just another boring love song called "Beautiful madness":-)

Also, I knew I was forgetting the best one. I sang this with my whole heart and soul from the time it came out ~1997 until somebody corrected me ~2020 pandemic:

"I believe in the sand beneath my toes The beach gives a feelin', an earthy feelin' I believe in the faith that grows" ....

"And the four eyed goats can make me cry" right?

Wrong! It turns out it's "And the four right chords can make me cry"

Sex and buy lunch! Sex and buy lunch. Sex and buy lunch! Sex. And. Buy lunch.

Also,

We're the redneck kings of funk!

It's not fair to remind meh. Of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to meh! You. You. You. Oughtta know!

When I was a kid listening to the oldies station, I heard "Little blue scoop" instead of deuce coupe.

Later my mom actually called in and requested it that way. I think they played the request on air.

Not exactly misheard but what I came up with and which became canon to my household despite not really sounding alike:

Tape Five's 'Taxi to Bombay' became 'Text me Your Butthole.' (And please do not.)

Edit: Just remembered an actual misheard one. I am a bit hard of hearing, and the They Might Be Giants song Subliminal I heard as Submersible. Considering that the lyric is 'Subliminal... in an unnoticeable way,' my interpretation was pretty damned funny.

In Lambada by Kaoma there is a part where every dutch person hears "what is that little zebra dog for?" And everyone sings along for that sentence when the music is playing.

In dutch it goes: lalalalala waar is toch dat zebrahondje voor.

AFI, Summer Shudder.

The actual lyrics are "Under the summer rain" and somehow I kept hearing "Priest on a lake" the first several times I heard it.

Smokey River Walters, the fire engine guy is the best one I've ever heard someone say.

Correct lyric is Smoke on the water, fire in the sky.

Whatever they’re saying in that justice song. Contagious beat but it sounds like they’re singing about… peepee dance? youre always flapping your ??????? at me? I have NO IDEA what theyre saying

so there is this tull song where I thought it was "the smart guys aren't running the whole damn tribe" and I actually saw someone online hear it with the exact same wording. The actual line is. "the smart guys aren't running their warm and dry"

APT APT

(I got the upper tits, I got the upper tits)

In the song "Better Dig Two" by The Band Perry, the chorus has the line "I'm gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two". There was a good like year or so where I heard it replacing the d in gravedigger with an n.....

Also in the song "High Horse" by Kacey Musgraves I thought it was just a really long way of saying "whores" I stead of "high horse".

"Once We're Dead" by Mariah Carrey

(One Sweet Day)

😛

"What's up with this jet pussy"

the song is Jealousy by Slum Village

I forever thought the chorus of Billy Squire's song The Stoke was "Slow dance jug band."

That's how I sang it when I was a kid and I simply never reevaluated it as I grew up.

A friend thought "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols was "Streaky Bacon". Another thought "Battery" by Metallica was "Bakery" (pronounced BAK-A-RAY). In keeping with the food theme I thought the lyric "fingernails, cigarettes; a lousy dinner" in the Replacements 'I Will Dare' was "bacon and cigarettes" for longer than I care to admit.

From Pour Some Sugar On Me

looking like a lover with a red iPhone (radar phone)

From I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi

I pray to God to give me one more trans girl

(I pray to God you'll give me one more chance, girl)

Call me maybe: Before you came into my life, I'm mister sofa.

The translation is: The safe shrimp no one can be.

Not exactly “misheard”, but the lyrics to the Minecraft parody of “Dynamite” stuck more strongly in my head than the original.