What the fuck does "ahh" mean in this context? I can't grok this one.

I found out at a previous position that the best way to get my work done was to be short with people. In that case they wouldn't bother me, and I had more time to do my work.

100%

Unfortunately, looking angry makes us more stressed over time. Still, worth it if I don't have to talk to anyone

My folks were technology skeptics and limited access to screens. We had strict allotments of time to access electronics.

This taught us how to game the rules and make up arguments to justify our discretions.

They were also lawyers, so we walked into the first trap.

You had a cell phone as a child? Musta been nice. I had no door on my bedroom doorframe and wasn't aloud out of the house except under rare circumstances.

Didn't mean I was willing to follow the rules. All that strictness caused me to simply rebel to all authority figures. Seriously, ask me my opinions about police or the government. Lol.

Fight/Flight/Freeze (though, some even add Fawn to that)

Sounds like processing the threat happened, NGL.

It 100% is.

My parents were abusive in this way.

My wife and I are strict. There is a huge difference.

The "Preacher's Daughter" is a trope in a lot of media wherein the daughter of the local religious leader tends to be more likely to be a promiscuous troublemaker.

Preacher's Kid - TVTropes

There's a cliche about the daughter of the preacher being a total slut or otherwise problematic.

The problem is it's often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it's kinda a euphemism

Yeah, it's a thing. Word usage varies. One range of the various usages of strict is adhering to, or enforcing adherence to, a set of rules. It can also mean that part of "strict" is enforcing discipline to maintain those rules.

Taken to its extreme, it edges into authoritarian behaviors. But the usual, more typical usage would be far less extreme.

As an example, ever hear of a strict vegetarian? That just means that don't deviate from the diet. That's it.

The problem comes in when the usage of it as unnecessary, arbitrary, and cruel enforcement of rules for their own sake takes over. There are plenty of abusive people that would call themselves strict, despite violating boundaries and social mores in the process, which means they're just pretending.

But there is a difference between a kid being tightly supervised and abuse. There's an even bigger difference for having expectations for a kid's behavior and activity and abuse. Both of those are strict, but not abuse.

The key to that difference is usually in how boundaries are handled. You also get different outcomes, and if the methodology being used isn't adjusted to the individual kid, it's often going to feel abusive no matter what the intent is.

Not all kids are going to respond the same way to any parenting methodology. Twins can even respond differently. So you absolutely have to be ready to adjust what you're strict about and how that's applied if you want to stay in line with the right balance of structure, support, and freedom. What one kid thrives with, the next may utterly reject and be harmed in the attempt.

That's a perfect example of where it isn't strict, it's abuse. Or at least right on the border.

Also, damn. I'm sorry you went through that. I'm just glad you found a doc that handled things right.

Strict is only "bad" when the structure is bad.

Being strict about not playing with fire is a good thing. Being strict about never going near a campfire is, at best neutral, and could be bad when taken to an extreme. Being strict about never going camping is bad.

Strict only means keeping rules in place. It doesn't mean you can't be flexible, that you can't adjust rules as the kid ages and matures. It definitely doesn't mean the rules have to be arbitrary and can't be explained and discussed.

You think being strict about a kid not using racial slurs is a bad thing?

Or making them see a doctor regularly and as needed?

Or that they bathe?

The list of things that can't be negotiable is very long if you go into detail.

The list of things that can't be negotiable at a given level of age and maturity isn't short either.

Strict doesn't have to be done badly at all. It's just that uncompromising strictness is the opposite end of a slider from utter laissez faire. Which has just as many flaws.

There's a reason that authoritative is the usual recommended goal; it's being strict when necessary, and loose when not. But "strict" is part of that. Strict is making sure that there's a reliable structure a kid can build a foundation of self on. It's the walls of the sandbox and the sheet of material under out that keeps weeds from poking through.

The sandbox of development is the freedom to play within those boundaries. It doesn't have to mean all noes, or all have tos.

Strict is, "you'll do your homework because it's part of the process of learning. When do you want to do it, and what can I do to help?"

Abusive is "you'll do your homework or I'll beat your ass", and then beating their ass as the first and only option.

It's fairly straightforward to give a child no opportunity to lie about the things important to the parents, if the parents put in the effort. They can watch the kid come home right after school and sit in the living room doing homework all evening, and the school will tell them his grades and whether or not he's behaving well.