“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”

Literally 1984

FLARED. BASE.

Bread 🥖

Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn't find them anywhere, not even Walmart.

The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read "Not to be inserted rectally."

So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.

Thank god I'm not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

My body, my choice.

First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they're telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It's like doctors don't want us to find any joy in our lives.

THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT, THE LIBERAL MARXIST GLOBALISTS ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HOW I EAT MY FOOD, GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS

Fuckin' big pharma. I ain't sticking Pfizer's goddamn wantons up there, I'm sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.

just gonna leave this here https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctors-warning-people-not-insert-17802129

Well, I wasn't going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??

Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he'd never considered before.

Doctors don't know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.

Well DUH! It's summer idiots.

If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?

"Breaking news"

Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.

"Insert from other end"

A spring roll a day…

Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.

Just watch me motherfucker

I have moved on to egg rolls.

Well now I’m gonna do it out of spite.

It's because those doctors already have anal beads in their ass.

...unless you heat them up first, to kill the bacteria; two minutes on HIGH ought to do it.

This would be bad news in an alternate reality where humans eat by sticking things up their ass and shit out their mouth.

Yeah probably the same "doctors" that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳

Breaking news

I couldn't find spring rolls on AnyDice.com

they are going that way anyway, why not have a couple take a shortcut

I wasn’t going to, but now you’ve got me thinking about it.

If only there was a better way...

This is why we can’t have free healthcare.

Well thank goodness I'm not a patient..

More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y'all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww