866
be gay, do crimes (in space) (mander.xyz)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/science_memes@mander.xyz
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[–] 358 points 1 year ago (21 children)

FWIW, she was cleared and her ex-wife charged with making false statements.

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  • [–] 172 points 1 year ago (19 children)

    This shouldn’t be omitted from the meme. Astronauts are some of the most level-minded people in this world, given the risks they face every moment.

    I don’t think jealousy or insecurity would be a common occurrence given how busy they are.

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  • [–] 47 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    Actually, there was a high profile and notorious case of a female NASA astronaut and Naval officer named Lisa Nowak, who was placed on trail and convicted of felony burglary and misdemeanor assault charges. This all stemmed from an affair she was having with a fellow astronaut named Bill Oefelein, who both of them were married to different people at the time.

    When Bill decided to call the affair off and started to see another woman, an Air Force Captain named Colleen Shipman. Lisa had an emotional breakdown and after her own marriage had failed. Planned on possibly kidnapping Colleen. She was eventually arrested at Orlando International Airport that she had followed Colleen to. Besides the criminal convictions listed above, she was dismissed from NASA and demoted in rank and forcibly retired from the Navy.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Don't forget about the part where she wore a diaper while driving so she wouldn't have to make any pit stops.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Considering that’s standard procedure in space flight take offs, it doesn’t sound soooo weird

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago

    You aren't pulling 7 g's in a space suit lying horizontal with fifty thousand pounds of hydrozene fueling a giant rocket with no off switch when you're driving down the road in a car. Some situations are different than others.

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  • [–] 29 points 1 year ago (8 children)

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak

    There are exceptions to the whole level minded thing.

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  • [–] 26 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    I know this is the poop drive without even opening the link.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    Putting those diapers to good use

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    Well she says she did not use them (I guess just shitting in place)

    "She drove her husband's car 900 miles (1,400 km) from Houston, Texas, to Orlando, Florida, to confront Shipman. Early police reports stated that she wore Maximum Absorbency Garments during the trip, but she later denied this."

    From Wikipedia, but it must be noted the trip was made by herself in such a short time that poop had to happen.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    Having bowel movements as infrequently as a few times a week is still considered healthy. Perhaps not as healthy as daily, but that isn't the point of this discussion. Doing the speed limit in most areas of North America means this trip could be done in about 14 hours, plus fueling time (I've done a similar trip in 10). If she sped just 10% over the speed limit, which is generally considered little enough to not attract the attention of the police in my area, she could have done it in less than 13. Not only is it conceivable she could have done this without having to poop, if she managed her fluid intake, she quite possibly could have done this without having to pee.

    None of this has any bearing on whether she did poop or pee, but she was an astronaut, and astronauts are known for their ability to plan ahead. And I suspect any denial issues she had (what else is going to make you think continuing a relationship with a kidnapping is going to have a happy ending?) didn't revolve around her waste elimination processes. So she could very well have worn undergarments to deal with those problems as a precautionary measure and just not used them.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Didn't they used to be pulled from test pilots?

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    When there was just one to three guys in a capsule, yes. The Shuttle brought in a lot more scientists on board.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago

    Yeah, but Buzz Aldrin is still alive and he's definitely still his own variety of batshit insane given him beginning his fourth marriage at 93 years old.

    The whole of the Apollo 11 crew didn't just go to the moon, they did it after the initial crew were incinerated.

    The shuttle crews looked for responsible people of exceptional skill. But the early astronaut crews were looking for adrenaline junkies with advanced degrees in science and engineering and experience flying in incredibly dangerous conditions.

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    • [–] 74 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Identity Theft doesn't quite have the same ring to it

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  • [–] 38 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    Best band name ever.

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    • [–] 32 points 1 year ago (9 children)

    Is ISS network traffic monitored? Because if it is, this was a really dumb crime.

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  • [–] 63 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    To my understanding, she wasn't determined to have actually committed it, just was accused

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  • [–] 37 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Yup:

    The claims were later found to be false, and McClain was cleared.[28] On April 7, 2020, Worden was indicted on two charges of making false statements.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago

    It's probably fully recorded. Everything in and out.

    That way if there's a mishap it's possible to go back and reconstruct the entire sequence or to replay high fidelity simulations of the network traffic at the equipment to reproduce problems.

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    • [–] 31 points 1 year ago

    Your Honor, with all due respect, my client can only be put on trial by a space judge and a jury of her space peers

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    [–] 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    I thought some of the Apollo astronauts were illegally enriching themselves by selling a service where they would take people's stuff to the moon in their private gear allowance, and then give it back.

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    • [–] 14 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    Didn't someone already commit theft in space?

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    There was also the hole drilled in the ISS. AFAIK, nobody was ever held responsible but it was definitely vandalism at least.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Was it ever confirmed to be intentionally drilled? Last I heard, they were still in the “it could have simply been a piece of space dust moving insanely fast” part of the investigation.

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    • [–] 25 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    Straight female astronaut drove 900 miles to confront her rival.

    https://www.biography.com/musicians/lisa-nowak-lucy-in-the-sky

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Yeah but she wasn't in space just had a space diaper.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    There's also an astronaut currently in jail for, I think, manslaughter? Killed someone while drunk driving? Question mark?

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    • [–] 9 points 1 year ago

    smash the patriachy by being the first criminal in space.

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    [–] 7 points 1 year ago

    Bringing "Be Gay Do Crime" to another level

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    [–] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Is space international waters? Does anything go?

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 child)

    Ships in intl waters are still governed by the laws of their flag state. I don't see why this wouldn't also apply to the ISS as a US-flagged vessel

    Edit: I assume the modules are flagged differently. I imagine Zvezda and the Soyuz's are flagged Russian, etc. or maybe the ISS is jointly flagged under US and Russian laws at the same time. Or the laws of the citizens home country is applied individually or something.

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    • [–] 4 points 1 year ago

    Lesbians... Those bitches be (statistically) crazy

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    [–] 4 points 1 year ago

    Someone with musical talent, please start a band and name it "Lesbian Space Crimes" 😆

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    [–] 4 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Not exactly…

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