It took my mom decades to see the truth about what happened to her as a little girl. She didn't tell my grandmother until a couple years ago. Heartbreaking.

It's one of the many reasons that blaming victims should be called out each and every time. It's imperative to be honest about these crimes and to believe victims when they come forward.

Thank you for your aunt's story, it made me once again realise my levels of misanthropy aren't healthy and I need yet another 100 hours of therapy.

Sadly, things like this happen to victims of all kinds of abuse. When I was a kid, my father would sometimes tell me about things that his father did to him. Eventually I recognized that he had suffered horrible physical and verbal abuse. His father, in turn, had lived a life filled with trauma. Instead of dealing with it, he unloaded all his trauma onto his kids who then unloaded their inherited trauma onto their kids, including me.

When I began to recognize this dynamic, It was like I could see the little boy, within my dad, who just wanted to be loved but instead was systematically destroyed; through no fault of his own. His capacity for joy and love were greatly compressed, and the void filled with fear and anger. I saw that I was just like him and I was horrified at that discovery.

Sometimes people try to run away from the pain and fear. I think that's why they try to pretend they're above it. Because it feels easier to malign people who share your experience, in order to try and pretend it wasn't real, than it is to face the pain and fear.

But until you face it, you will never escape it. It will always be there wreaking havoc on your life and lives of those around you.

I watched one of those kidnapping storys on youtube and I thought until 40 minutes in that the situation must have beed retty bad for her until the last 5 minutes which gave lasting anxiety. That shit isn't just bad, its horrifying

The artist spoke about this on Reddit. Social media outlets automatically remove content with rape and ban the artists. She said she just can’t be bothered with the hassle so even though she dislikes doing it, she started self-censoring to comply.

Because everything has to be PG or people throw a fucking snowflake temper tantrum. Even though everyone knows the words they're obviously saying. It's like bleeping out cuas words on the radio. It's not like anyone over 4 doesn't know what they're saying.

As a side note I was an elementary teacher for a decade, your kids are sailors at school, even if you think they're angels.

I was horrified to see that she was swatted the other day. They literally tried to kill her by police.

that really isn't suprising considering all the publicity

Now here's the fun thing. The undue pressure it puts on men is toxic as fuck too. This doesn't benefit anyone!

As a man, I can confirm this. It took me being raped (and a few years of bottling it up to even consciously come to the realisation that I was indeed raped) to do away with nearly two decades of indirect conditioning by "lad culture" and mass media et al to see why it goes unreported most of the time.

(mind you I was raped by a woman, AND the same woman falsely accused me of rape, harassment, and a number of other awful things)

My Step father started grooming my sister when she was ten. Her chore thay day was to clean the kitchen. He told her to use a bucket and rag, not the mop, so he could "watch her ass" while she cleaned. His ten year old, biological, daughter.

He told her if she ever told anyone, it would break up the whole family, and everyone would think she was a whore.

My sister lived a double life from that early age of ten, until she was 15. He would tell her, "you have to [Do this sexual thing] or Im not buying groceries for the family and it will be your fault. He did this for christmas presents, after school activities, any time he could withold finacially from "the family" he would make her do stuff.

No one knew.

meanwhile, he was serverely beating the shit outta all of us if any of us got out of line. My brother and I werent allowed to hang out with friends, ever. We went to school, and we went home. If we werent working on the farm, we were trapped on our rooms. In the last few years, I wouldnt even be allowed out of my room for weeks at a time, not even to use the bathroom. He'd take the house phone with him whenever he left, so we could never call anyone. My brother stood up to him once, and he chocked out my 12 year old brother against a wall, his feet dangled. I saw it happen.
We found out after, he was often choking out my sister in her sleep, and shed wake to him trying to kill her. Shed wake, and hed stop, and just mutter, "Sorry" and walk away. When my dear sister found out I was cutting.. she did the right thing, and told the adult. He came to me and said, "next time you feel like doing this, make sure you do it the right way".

I had asked my sister a few times, if "anything was going on". She always said no. Until one fall day, she broke the fuck down and told me everything. We cried together for hours. I was 16, she 15. I told the school the next day. Thankfully he admitted everything. When the state came in, im sure they found mt poop bucket. They saw his room was a bed, in a pile of beer cans. They saw the falling down house. We were never allowed back there to get our things. "The family" let my dog run away and didnt tell me for a month. We did lose everything, our pets and possesions alike.

In court he said he thought she was his wife, and also mentioned he had been raped as a youth by an uncle.

When sentencing came, the max was 25 years. They asked us kids for our imput. His sister, my aunt, took us in after he was arrested. She was the one to relay our answer. We all said the maximum. She told the contact, we all said the minimum. He was sentenced for ten years. He served 8. For a very long time, over a decade after, I regretting not, well killing him that morning before school. This aunt also made fun of me for telling on my step father. The woman despised me for "what I did".

This man absolutely ruined three lives. He didnt murder us no, but he murdered our hearts, our courage, our self worth. None of us are right. My brother and sister are still very fucked up people and its been about 25 years since thay day.

8 years, let out for "good behavior". Owns a house again now, none of his kids own anything. We all have CPTSD. I will be im therapy for the rest of my life probably. My siblings and I dont talk anymore. the other two refuse therapy, and their maladaptive coping is.. apparent. My sister cant even live in this state. She fears so much, she will run into him. My brother, still talks to that side of the family, and has stalked women he was interested in, like, actully stalked. Its so messed up.

This man took my sister from me, and only got 8 years. Least he got that- I know too many who got off scott free. I have multiple non reported rapes myself. Mostly from the same person. My grandfather raped all his three daughters, died without it ever coming to light.

I would avoid saying that the law favours rapists in general (though it might where you live) because it makes it sound as if it's a problem that can be fixed if we bring in the right legislation. The problem as I see it is that the people who administer the law favour rapists, and that's a much more intractable problem.

The law favours doing nothing, by intent, by design, and by necessity. It is better to let the guilty go free than to imprison the innocent. But there is also systemic bias that warps this important principle into something that hobbles any hope of justice.

I think that we are wrong to look to the state and the law. They occupy a place in our psychology as the arbiter of order that they do not deserve and which serves to control us. When we are raped, the solution to our personal problems isn't to make sure someone else gets punished. Our needs are for repair, safety, and healing, not some asshole's rehabilitation, which is not our fucking responsibility. The courts and prisons cannot give us what we need in that situation. There is a need for something that doesn't exist, that doesn't yet even have a name.

You seem to forget that small little detail of "innocent until proven guilty" which is thisbtiny corner stone of our society and probably the reason why you too are a free person

THAT detail is ehy rape is so hard to convict people on because ypy need yo prove that a sexual interaction was not consensual and thus rape

In few cases that is obvious and easy to prove, in most its impossible to prove, and thus the perpetrator goes free.

Now I get it, it sucks that the bad guy gets away with it, but the other option is that we start jailing innocent people. The entire idea of the justice system is not to put the guilty in jail but to keep the innocent out of jail. I am not about to give up on that.

Thank you for the added context :)

…I’m a guy, and I remember defaulting to “bragging” about having a 19 year old girlfriend when I was 14. That seemed socially appropriate because of the praise I got. My partner at the time apologized like that too and I , also, was confused.

When I remembered what happened the first time it was pretty bad.

I was spending the night at my friends house while both our parents went out and she was the “adult” in case anything would happen while they were gone. She kept walking by the door in less and less clothing.

Then I remember her bringing us some snacks and drinks in her underwear for our video game marathon which caught my attention. We intended to stay up all night so I was confused when my friend fell asleep kinda suddenly.

I wasn’t tired so I kept playing. She comes out into the living room in only a towel, and just came over and took it from me, like. No words exchanged or anything just kissed me on the forehead when she was done with me. My friend is still snoring.

Suddenly I wanted to spend the night every weekend. Same scenario though, my friend would zonk out after snacks and she would come in and use me up. Of course it took me decades to realize she was drugging her brother so she could do that to me. I thought she loved me so I started treating her like a girlfriend. My parents picked up on it and did nothing. Said nothing. Took me to go hang out with her alone often.

Even now it’s really disgusting to think about. She is no longer alive so I can’t really do anything or tell her it was fucked up.

I have a hard time connecting to people. I think that’s why.

kinda like the ISAIP episode, where Dee said dennis was 'raped" when he said he bedded an older lady at 14, then the realization sunk in for him after being confused for a second.

I’m proud of your daughter, too 💕