I mean microslop is pretty dang good

Swasticar

There's a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it's also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.

I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man's Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like "to the chariot"

Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck

Walmart is its own insult.

When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said "scamsung." That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.

McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I'm mature.

Found On Road Dead

Just Empty Every Pocket

Fix It Again Tony

The American embassy for McDonalds

There’s a trucking company called Swift that gets a lot of flak for hiring inexperienced drivers. One of the nicer ones is So What I Failed Training. The rudest one I’ve heard ends with Toddlers, you can probably work out the rest, but you probably shouldn’t.

"Home Despot" is one of my favs from Joey Santore of crime pays but botany doesn't.

Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.

Nintendon't on account of their rabid intellectual property protection and litigious nature.

Works as both what they might say to would-be infringers as well as advice to avoid them. (Which people ignore because Zelda, Mario and childhood memories.)

Electronic Farts

Cockstar Games

Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)

Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)

Nintendon't (thank you, SEGA)

Jizzard-Gotnovision

Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang's, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.

Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻

Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say "giggle it" instead of google it. Now we don't use google of course...

Best Buy: Worst Buy

Target: it is pronounced "tar-jay" because it is the fancy version of Walmart

711 was a part time job!

Ford = Found On Road Dead

Dodge (n.) - To avoid

Samsung --> Samsucks

PlayStation --> PayStation (Not a company name, but relevant enough)

Edit: more names I came up with (I don't use all of these but they are reserved in case I have to):

Roblox --> Blowblox

Discord --> Disscord

Apple --> Crapple

McDonald's --> FakeDonald's

Dunkin --> Bunkin

Sam's Club --> Scam's Club

Food court near me named Choices gets called "Chances".

Pontiac stands for Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It's A Cadillac.

Fiat: Fix It Again Tomorrow, Lotus: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

Some friendlier ones. There was once an expensive camera brand called "Exakta" but Exakta owners affectionately called them "Approxima".

I worked near a slightly fancy Chinese restaurant called Royal East but my coworkers (who went there often) liked to call it "Royal Eats".

There was a nearby supermarket called Purity Supreme but people called it Poverty Supreme. That was waaaay before Whole Foods.

Amherst, Massachusetts was sometimes anagrammed to "Hamster". I mean you could address letters that way and they'd get there.

Charbucks

McDoogles and Brogger Krog for mcds and burger king. Not sure why..

Comcrap Slaveway Krueger Home Despot

Walmart = Wally world Target = tarj mahal

Idiots Become Managers

Broadcum

But I've also just seen IBM and broadcom be used a verb for price hikes or rug pulls.

Delta

Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive

-or-

Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport

I still call it reddit. It is already the name of a joke of a corporation.

In our household McDonald's is nearly universally McZargald's, based on the Calvin and Hobbes strip. They're not much good for anything except a reliable place to stop and take a leak when you're on the hyperspace bypass anyway.

Similarly, I don't think anyone in my circle has referred to that Baja Blast, chalupa, and fried chicken establishment as anything other than "Cluckin' Bell" for several decades thanks to the early 3D GTA games.

Before they became Microslop, they were Micro$haft in the IT world. The double entendre is self explanatory.

Home cheapo (home depot) Hazzard fraught (hobo freight) Clown fair (town fair) Found on road dead (Ford) Bonus: what do u call a f150 with a dual exhaust? A wheelbarrow with heated grips. Fix it again tony (fiat) Just empty every pocket (jeep) Hanafartz (hannafords)

Everybody in Canada knows, "Crappy Tire".

Microslop, microcrap, goo-gle

McDeath

Burger Death

Needless Markups

Cock-a-Cola

Pisspi

Dr. Pecker

Shitzza Hut

Little Weiners

Mountain DooDoo

Ball-Mart

Worst Buy

Shams Club

Panda Sex Press

Sub-standard Way

Warmart

Whenever my grandmother talks about United Parcel Service, she always says "ups", one syllable, instead of U-P-S like most people do.

Lately though, whenever she gets a package that arrives damaged, she calls them "Oops".

Whenever I'd encounter 18-wheelers out on the road, everyone has the usual jokes about Swift. Sure Wish I'd Finished Training, Stevie Wonder's Institute For Trucking, etc. but there's jokes for every large trucking company.

TMC: Turtles Moving Cargo

Prime Inc: Please Remember, I'm Missouri Educated

CRST: Crash 'n Roll Stunt Team

U.S. Express becomes Useless Express in my head. The list goes on.

I will never respect Facebook's attempted rebranding, especially not a rebranding based on the name of their hilariously failed product.

facebook is facebook. instagram is facebook. whatsapp is facebook.

Microslop, crApple, Scroogle (i know its from that lame MS commercial)

• Home Derpo - because you'd have to be brain damaged to be there
• Taco Hell - sat in line for two hours because there was no escape, still got my order wrong
• Dairy Tween - every shift nothing but little kids working. still better than taco hell.
• seXBox - it's a box, for self pleasure 🤷
• cornhub - corn goes in, corn goes out
• Micky Deez nuts (where you can order a mcderble quatah poundah)

Not a corporation, but my late uncle used to call the show "Big Brother" the big bother

How Not To Build

BMW: Bring Moms Wallet

My family calls Au Bon Pain "House of Pain". We also say Pantera Bread and Dimmu Burger (for Burger King).

Flip Over Read Directions

Home Despot

Blood Bath and Beyond

Wally World: But not for Walmart. When I was a teenager I worked for a garden center called "Walnut Ridge" and everyone that worked there referred to as that.

I've always like Microshaft, I don't know if anyone still uses that since every one calls them Microslop now.

I also used to see people use Microshit occasionally.

Blows hardware store.

Purolater not Puronow instead of Purolator

Day & Loss instead of Day & Ross

Loosit instead of Loomis.

Obviously I work in shipping and have to deal with a lot of courier companies

Luis vattion but pronounced like a dude you met in New York.

Chanel like Channel

Annie's for ana crombe and finch

"BD"H&M

Gucci but pronounced the same as Buc-ees

I just really hate those brands lol. I heard a homeless man cussing them out to himself while fishing talking about burning one down. I have more respect for him then those brands, so yeah fuck em