Yeah lol it's my story I've shared before when I made a post like this.

Correct

Said the American who actively participates in American society and has done nothing but whine online. Why say they instead of me/I.

Lying liar larps or is a glowing dork.

Why haven't you done anything?

You are like a strobe light of dumb shit. I can't help myself but reply when I see you say something hilarious. If you are a glowie I wanna make sure I let everyone know. I fasted yesterday and was asleep by 7pm. Got to work today at 5 am.

Said the American who has done/will do nothing. Stop saying "they" when you're part of the group. Use words like we/I.

Hooked up with a girl as a one night stand kinda thing. Started making out and she slid down her hand to grab my dick. In a sexy voice she says "ooooo soooo big". I instantly started laughing. My dick is fine it's absolutely doesn't warrant a statement like that. She started laughing too and we both acknowledged "so big" was a stretch. Rest of the night went well.