I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.

This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.

The toilets were really busy; that situation where you're pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn't happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.

Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said "Did anyone else manage to actually pee?" To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.

Pro tip: If you have a shy bladder, you can just go into a stall to pee.

that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol

The comic for the women's bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.

Great, now I'm not going to be able to pee all day.

I used to sit because it was more comfortable.

Now I sit for... Different reasons lmao

So I don't really worry about getting caught "not peeing" or whatever, but I do often take a moment or two to get started.... and I also frequently attend concerts.

I never worry about being watched, but boy do I feel like a jackass sometimes taking thrice as long as everyone else when there's a line out the door between bands.....

I've got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there's any chance I'll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I'm in front of the urinal, it's not difficult to start the stream quickly.

There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used "the trick" as usual. I get there, and there's a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.

Of course, in all likelihood, "the trick" won't continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I'll be the other guy.

I feel this, also if I just can't squeeze anything out there is this additional awkward thought process.

When do I put it away? Will they know I didn't pee? Should I shake it to pretend I peed? Oh God there is a child next to me. Now everyone will think I am pretending to pee to see this child's weiner. I can't step away now. I'll just have to wait until the room is empty.

the bathroom never empties out, I die there.

I always thought this comic was upvoted because the absurdity of it is funny, not because it's a thing that people are actually anxious about and therefore relate to.

Hah, I've literally been there. Imagine a 9'x9' prison cell with two men, steel bunk "beds", and a solid steel toilet. Also, you're high on suboxone because there's not much else to do in prison.

You're a grown man, standing facing the toilet with wiener in hand, with another grown man's head like 3 feet behind your ass. Standing there for what feels like eternity. And you're thinking "Oh shit. He's going to think I don't know how to piss or something. This is weird. His head is way too close to my ass. Fuck, I'd better not fart. I forgot how pain killers and shit can make you unable to piss. It's got to be the sub I took. I have to go so bad but I don't know how to make it work. I did forget how to pee!"

And as you panic, your bunkie finally says something like "What the fuck, dude? Did you forget how to piss?" and all of your fears come true.

Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:

Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…

The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.

Sit sit sit on the urinal!

Start holding your breath when you walk into the bathroom. Breathe out and start your flow.

Pissing with shy bladder protip: Do some multiplication tables in your head. What's 7x6? 8x6? 4x12?

Takes up enough concentration that it easily starts to flow. Made this trick up years back and it has never failed me.

I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.

This makes me think about when women talk about going into the bathroom and casually chatting, and don't understand why guys don't do the same.

The feeling inside a bathroom is fundamentally different depending on the door sign. I kinda wonder if there's a culture shock for trans people.