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[–] 87 points 6 months ago (8 children)

Not having kids, every time I have any remorse I spend some time around kids and their parents, in about 5 minutes I'm good

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  • [–] 22 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    I love kids, but I have never felt a want for them.

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  • [–] 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    This is an interesting nuance. I find most children annoying, and I don't want any of my own, but the love I have for my niece and nephew is bigger than I ever could have imagined.

    I guess there's always room for exceptions.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago

    There is truth in the saying "you won't understand until you have your own". The love I feel for my kids are like nothing else and nothing before it.

    With that said, I'd never tell someone they would regret not having kids. As much as I love them, they take ALL my time and then some. It is a very big investment of your time (years) and if you don't want that, that's cool.

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  • [–] 15 points 6 months ago* (2 children)

    Same here, having watched how the lives of my friends who had kids changed reaffirmed the decision of not having any for me. You basically have to be prepared to dedicate next couple of decades of our life to raising kids and not doing much of anything else. And you end up giving up the freedom to do things like move to a different town or try a new career. Your primary goal in life becomes having stable income to raise your kids.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    The whole "not much of anything else" mellows out as they get older, and you can even share those interests with your kids. I loved the whole process of going to amusement parks with my daughter, watching her go from enjoying but also being terrified of the small ones, to getting used to those but doing the same for the medium ones, being nervous about going upside down, then seeing it wasn't such a big deal and now loving the big ones as much as I do and we got to experience the most intense one I've ever ridden for the first time together.

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  • [–] 60 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    My mom didn't think I should buy a house. In 2009.

    I would have been absolutely screwed by now if I'd listened to her advice.

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  • [–] 22 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    I had the opposite. In 2007 my mom convinced me it's conventional wisdom to buy as much house as you can afford, because historically it is one of the best investments you can make.

    Thankfully all I could afford at that time was a pretty cheap house...

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    We went for a house somewhat below the maximum we could borrow, hardly cheap because nothing is cheap. But I am happy with it and don't see any reason to move. I just want to pay off the mortgage and hopefully retire early. Why the fuck would I want to work years longer just to have a house that costs more?

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  • [–] 49 points 6 months ago (10 children)
  • [–] 17 points 6 months ago* (8 children)

    I don't begrudge anyone not wanting kids. It's not for everyone.

    That said, my first thought when I saw the post title was "I don't regret having kids".

    I suppose the caveat is that my twins are only 2 and a half, I may well regret having kids when they start getting pregnant, selling drugs, marrying chat bots, that sort of thing.

    Edit: I just scrolled through some of the other comments and noticed that the majority of them say that they don't regret not having kids. The fediverse is pretty homogenous I guess.

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  • [–] 14 points 6 months ago (5 children)

    Were you told you would regret having your kids? That's wild.

    It's a lot more common for people to be told that they will regret not having kids, than being told they'll regret having them... so I think the similarities in the responses is quite natural, dont you? Not a lot of parents can answer this post with their kids in mind, but pretty much every voluntarily childless person can.

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  • [–] 10 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    It’s a lot more common for people to be told that they will regret not having kids, than being told they’ll regret having them

    That's not my experience, at all.

    When I was in my 20s plenty of older guys would tell me not to have kids. Admittedly, these were the older weirdos hanging out at bars, but the source of the advice isn't really in question right now.

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  • [–] 10 points 6 months ago

    Every single voluntarily childless person I've spoken to have had the experience of being told they'll regret it.

    I can only recall two people being told they'd regret their decision to have kids... and they were both teenagers, so even though I don't agree with saying something like that, I can understand the sentiment of wanting them to wait a few years.

    Seems we life in very different worlds.

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  • [+] 42 points 6 months ago (6 children)
  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago

    A variation of this that I realized fairly recently is that striving for excellence doesn't mean the journey towards it is garbage. I can both feel pride in what I've done while also acknowledging where it could have been better with the intent to either circle back and do it better in the future (for like house projects) or avoid that mistake next time (for creations).

    Like I did a cross stitch of a wolf and it skewed a bit because it had a lot of half-stitching (without going into too much detail, a full cross stitch equalizes the forces the threads put on the canvas while a half-stitch puts an uneven force on it). So for my current one, I got hoops that I previously didn't think I needed, which hold the canvas in place outside so the threads are less likely to put a high force where they are.

    And my next one will involve a better ordering strategy because my fairly random approach caused some areas of the canvas to bunch up more than others. Less noticeable than the wolf's skew, but still a flaw I'd like to fix going forward but I'm not beating myself up about the current one.

    Assuming this is even relevant to the context you mean lol.

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  • [–] 36 points 6 months ago* (6 children)

    getting a hysterectomy. this last year has proven that my foresight was indeed correct, the post right above this one is an article about the government planning to reduce or remove access to contraceptives, and no way in hell is anyone gonna make me be pregnant. i was extremely lucky to find a surgeon who would do it since i have no kids and was under thirty at the time.

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  • [–] 16 points 6 months ago (5 children)

    It is extremely concerning how many surgeons are happy to sterilize men on request, but push back HARD when women ask. I've talked to several women in this exact situation, it's like if you're under 30 and don't have 5 kids you must not have any idea what you want and you lose agency over your own body. One friend who wanted this had surgeons demanding a permission slip from her husband. What the fuck? Does her body belong to him? I find this situation abhorrent. Your body your choice end of story. And if you regret the consequences that's on you, not your doctor. And SHOULD NOT BE your doctor's job to dictate your life plans

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  • [–] 20 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    As a man who's been very sure he wanted to remain childfeee since his teens: most surgeons won't sterilize men on request either. I was told several times to come back after I was married with at least three kids. Had to move to the literal opposite corner of the country to a place where Planned Parenthood isn't under constant assault to get a vasectomy after decades of chasing one.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago (2 children)

    Wow. That's unreal. If I may ask were you trying to do a vasectomy (which can often be reversed) or something more permanent?

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    A vasectomy, mostly. I did try to get into some studies for things like IVD, but that never materialized either.

    I was shocked at how easy it was when I got to the NW and just...walked into a Planned Parenthood and scheduled the appointment.

    Florida in the late 90s/early 00s was very "unreal", but it's gotten worse every time I've gone back to visit.

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago

    my surgeon has your mindset and i trust her with my life. she also said if i decide to start T she manages transgender care as well. a few months ago i even saw her on a youtube ad advocating for womens rights and body autonomy. i just hope she doesnt leave the area, as a lot of doctors do here.

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  • [–] 33 points 6 months ago

    being extremely fucking transgender

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  • [–] 29 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    "stop wasting time with that Linux thing. Nobody will ever hire you unless you specialize in Windows"

    Linux has done far more for me professionally than being a Windows engineer ever got me, and it repeatedly keeps being proven.

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  • [–] 12 points 6 months ago

    Wish I could say the same, so far Linux knowledge seems to have done very little for me as far as employment goes. I have used it at work before but normally it isn't something anyone else seems to care about. At least my limited knowledge of Windows hasn't been too significant of a problem so far either.

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  • I've been running some Linux servers for fun, at my last job we also had quite a few. The only admin quit, no documentation. Guess who got a big salary increase because he was the only one with the knowledge required to keep this shitshow running? Yep, that's me.

    Thanks to past me for installing every distro under the sun and sinking years into the commandline, shell scripting, web and mail servers just for the thrill. Linux is awesome.

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  • [–] 52 points 6 months ago (10 children)

    Transitioning.

    Tattoos.

    Joining the Fediverse

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  • [–] 9 points 6 months ago (9 children)
  • [–] 37 points 6 months ago (8 children)
  • [–] 7 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    What molecule is the flower one? That looks sick

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  • [–] 13 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

    Estrogen!

    Unfortunately, it will be my only colour tattoo, because I had a hell of time healing that one. My body has rejected all of my piercings over the years, and clearly didn't like the colours either. It seems to handle blacks just fine though

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago

    That sucks, but if you can only have one color tattoo that seems like the perfect choice even if you didn’t know that going in lol

    I’m not normally a fan of tattoos (pretty ambivalent overall) but I really like that one and the added meaning for anyone more up to date on their ochem than I am is even cooler πŸ˜‚

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 4 points 6 months ago

    I started playing in 1989, I've played every edition and even got published in a couple of the sourcebooks, so it was a good choice for a tattoo :)

    I had a friend tweak it though so people who know Shadowrun will recognise it, but it doesn't look like a logo to people who don't recognise it

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  • [–] 24 points 6 months ago

    Not having kids.

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  • [–] 23 points 6 months ago

    not having kids. I still think it was the right decision for me

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  • [–] 21 points 6 months ago

    Getting tattoos. Parents, grandparents etc all said by the time you’re 30 you’ll hate them. Well I’m in my mid 30’s now and I still get new ones.

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  • [–] 40 points 6 months ago (5 children)
  • [–] -3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    I mean, the whole point is that you are going to regret it after you die so it might be a bit early to comment on that

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    [–] 18 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    Cracking my knuckles.

    Still waiting on that arthritis I was promised.

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  • [–] 17 points 6 months ago

    Becoming atheist

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  • [+] 15 points 6 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 7 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    I had zero things in common with my high school classmates. Even before cell phones were ubiquitous, I saw all of them as reckless and incompetent. I identified more with the teachers. They seemed normal and level headed for the most part.

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  • [–] 15 points 6 months ago
    [–] 30 points 6 months ago*

    Spending time playing video games. I enjoyed every minute and I didn't miss out on much.

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  • [–] 13 points 6 months ago

    Not playing football, or being interested it it at all.

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  • [–] 13 points 6 months ago

    Getting heavily tattooed, not having kids, not getting married/β€œsettling down”. I grew up in an extremely conservative Christian home that pushed the standard β€œAmerican Dream” plan but never embraced it. I’m aware there’s experiences that I’ll never have that are a source of joy and life defining for others, but I knew very early on those things weren’t calling me. Decades later I have zero regrets about what I didn’t do and what I did do.

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  • [–] 12 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    Spending so much time at the computer

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  • [–] 12 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    Leaving proprietary software.

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  • [–] 30 points 6 months ago

    Not having kids. I have hobbies, and money/time for them.

    One of the previous popes called childless couples selfish. I say a never-married 70-year old operating the world's largest paedophile welfare programme has nothing to say to me about child-rearing.

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  • [–] 10 points 6 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 9 points 6 months ago (7 children)
  • [–] 6 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    i went to college and i regret it; but i suppose i regret it less than going to the army like i originally planned.

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  • [–] 6 points 6 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 0 points 6 months ago

    i would have died cancer from the depleted uranium weapons in iraq.

    instead, i'm just saddled with student debt for the rest of my life with useless degree to show for it and a marriage that was forced to end by the federal gov't w zero prospects for another.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago (2 children)
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  • [–] 16 points 6 months ago* (6 children)

    Not moving out. In Germany there's still a bit of a stigma around living with your parents past your mid-20s but when I see what's currently going on with, you know, the housing market I'm glad I made that decision. I might have been a bit too lazy as well...

    Plus I was able to save a bunch of money because of that, which is gonna come in handy for my move to Australia in September.

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  • [–] 4 points 6 months ago

    I've accepted that my daughter probably won't be able to get her own place once she's done school. I'm OK with it, would rather she have that option than be potentially pressured into a toxic relationship to afford to live.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    I wonder how your parents feel about that

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

    In terms of living with my mum? She doesn't mind; I do pay her a bit every month to compensate as well.

    In terms of moving? My dad doesn't care, I have a feeling that he wouldn't even come to visit me. My mum obviously both doesn't really want me to go and wants me to live my own life so she's ultimately fine with it.

    Honestly, living with my mum hasn't been easy for the last year. There's just so much petty drama happening between her, my sister and anyone who they think wrongs them (I won't go into detail but it's bad); so it'll be great to get away from that.

    That's far faaar from my only reason to move to Australia, mind you.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    How'd you get approved for that? I thought Australia was very locked down for immigration

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  • [–] 6 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

    I didn't get approved for anything yet but getting a 417 visa shouldn't be that hard AFAIK and from there you just have to get lucky and be sponsored for a 482 visa by an employer, after that you can get permanent residency on the 186 visa, after 2 years with the same employer. Aaand from there it's just another year until you can apply for citizenship.

    Pretty straightforward, albeit a bit tedious...

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