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[–] 143 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Can't put the laptop down because he's next to a pool to free up at least one hand.

The best I can advise for him is to chew up the cigar and chase it down with the espresso martini. Then throw the laptop into the sea like a discus and get into the pool to wait for the authorities to charge him with littering.

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  • [+] 1 point 7 months ago (2 children)
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    [–] 62 points 7 months ago* (5 children)

    Eh, you might be able to puff the cigar without hands, depending on your diaphragm/facial strength.

    Also, this is apparently possible:

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  • [–] 40 points 7 months ago* (2 children)

    You don't need hands to smoke a cigar that's already lit and in your mouth. And if you're really talented, you can still drink with the cigar in your mouth and type on the laptop with your penis.

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  • [–] 36 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    Shouldn't he have a catboy in a maid outfit holding his drink/laptop for him?

    What's the point of having that torso if you're not pulling catboys in maid outfits?

    Seriously, why go to the effort?

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  • [–] 84 points 7 months ago (26 children)

    I don't get the grind mindset at all - look at me! Be like me! Bust ass 24/7, hustle hustle hustle, sleep is for losers, carbs are for losers, relationships that aren't profitable are for losers...... it's all worth it though so you can be on vacation in some exotic place like me!!!........... (and not even be able to put work down for one second to enjoy your fucking drink and be oblivious of the views you worked for) Like who thinks this sounds awesome except 15 year old boys?

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  • [–] 58 points 7 months ago (6 children)

    That’s literally the target demographic. You answered your own question.

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  • [–] 28 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    5 years ago I would have agreed with you but I now know several adult men in this sphere...

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  • [–] 11 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    Andrew Tate basically crystalized this whole thing... by pretending he was Morpheus from the Matrix.

    His solution to 'escape the Matrix'... was to be the most diehard bluepill imaginable.

    Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

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  • [–] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Are you kidding me? There's hundreds of young men everywhere that have no idea how to use a laptop or cigars, but love pools and fancy drinks. This is perfect for them.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago* (1 child)

    Relevant song from 2007, Hussel by M.I.A.:

    We do it cheap hide our money in a heap
    Send it home and make em study
    Fixing teeth, I got family, a friend in need
    A hand to throw the gasoline
    A mobile phone hooked up to the scene
    Hello my frind yes it's me
    Dont be scared there's somethin going on
    Im gettin money since I grown
    Could be dash go out and hussel em
    But I hate money coz it makes me numb

    Hussel hussel hussel
    Grind grind grind
    Why has everyone got hussel on their mind?

    Hussel hussel hussel
    Grind grind grind
    Why has everyone got hussel on their mind?

    [AFRIKAN BOY]
    You think its tough now,
    Come to africa,
    Out there we are grinding like pepper,
    You can catch me on the motorway,
    Selling sugar water and pepper,
    I rep Africa not Miami,
    Hustle hustle with m.i.a,
    I'm broke I've got indefinite stay,
    You can't touch me like leprosy,
    I hustle tough from here to sri lanka,
    My mum told me to be an accountant,
    Bun that I wanna work in a corner shop,
    Contact sugu he's got the contacts mayne,
    I'm illegal I don't pay tax tax,
    EMA yes I'm claiming that that,
    Police I try to avoid them,
    They catch me hustling they say deport them,

    Hussel hussel hussel [2x]
    Grind grind grind
    Why has everyone got hussel on their mind?

    Hello my friend, hello my friend
    Yes it's me
    4 by 3 ,3 buy 3 , buy 1 song get 1 free
    Maybe me, a bootleg cd colour tv or dvd
    We got barrels in the sea
    Its big enough to take a whole family
    We drum on it
    Jun cha cha gegujun cha
    Jun cha cha gegujun cha

    Come sit by me, let me tell u we
    Don't do bling but we do white tee
    Up some jungle up some tree
    One second , my phones ringing
    Its my friend habibi
    He then went drop called me
    Cheap moroccan got no credit than me
    Ya'll got less credit than me
    I keep that tab at a shop like a gee
    Coz without me there'll be no chocolate hershey

    Hussel hussel hussel [6x]
    Grind grind grind
    Why has everyone got hussel on their mind?

    https://youtu.be/k3nZkqDARvM

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (8 children)

    What did carbs ever do to them? Those are necessary macronutrients and a good source of fast energy.

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (7 children)

    I’m not team low carb but it is the one macronutrient you don’t need. But you feel like shit without them. So

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (5 children)

    I've been low crab for a while now. Shit's expensive.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago* (4 children)

    How come carbs are expensive?
    Dried goods(pasta, rice, buckwheat, oats) and vegetables(potatoes, carrots) are one of the cheapest foods available. Potatoes being one of the most satiating foods as well.

    Dont get me wrong, im not criticizing your choice. Just curious over the reasoning behind it.

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    Maybe they meant to say that being low carb is expensive because all they buy is protein?

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Fair point, that would make more sense.

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  • [–] 27 points 7 months ago

    'round here we call them "fucking posers".

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  • [–] 26 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    He can defintely still drink through the other side of his mouth. He can also puff and chuff on the cigar without his hands. His laptop is all voice activated and he's trained it to understand his slurred and mumbled speech.

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  • [–] 16 points 7 months ago

    Is this some kind of modernized take on the 'Dining philosophers problem'?

    Guy doesn't need friends to get himself into an deadlock.

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  • [–] 13 points 7 months ago

    I see this is funny as this is just a stupid waste of my time

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  • [–] 16 points 7 months ago

    The alpha male, ladies. Can't even unhook a bra strap with one hand because he's too busy holding his laptop and drink. Can't go down on you because he has a cigar which could leave you with a nasty burn. He's also absent-minded, and didn't remember to wear a shirt. Look out! What's that on his head?! Oh, wait. It's his hair.

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  • [–] 25 points 7 months ago* (3 children)

    The guy may be a poser but this is such a 'I don't drink or smoke' post.

    It's a martini glass, you can hold it with your pinkie. It's very easy to smoke and drink with one hand. You can even do it with a full sized glass:

    Then, when you want to smoke, you extend the two fingers holding the cigar/cigarette and you can take the end in your mouth. You only need your thumb and two lower fingers to hold the glass.

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Also if he's watching a video on the laptop he doesn't need to use the keyboard or mouse

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago

    I think what we have here is a case of 'haters gonna hate'.

    I'm sure the guy is a douche, based on my complete stereotyping him from one picture, so I'm sure there's something more substantive to criticize him for than 'he's using both of his hands.'

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  • [–] 6 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    He’s also on the wrong side of the infinity pool.

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  • [–] 6 points 7 months ago

    Taskmaxxing

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  • [–] 11 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    What's an "Instagram growth guru?"

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago

    Those aren’t even gray jogging pants.

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  • [–] 7 points 7 months ago

    plot twist thats a huge straw, not a cigar, he is watching a funny animal compilation video and drinking kool aid

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (3 children)

    Heh. Explains why he couldn't put a shirt on. The real mystery though are the pants.

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago (2 children)

    He is just a regular slavic person, no mystery here

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago

    My guess on his thinking: Need laptop to look like I’m an entrepreneur. Laptop can’t hide my abs so hold with right hand. Need my biceps to look big so need something else in my left hand that doesn’t block my abs. Cigar to bring attention to my mouth once they’re done looking at my biceps and abs.

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago
    [–] 5 points 7 months ago*

    You can hold the cigar with a forefinger and drink.

    Just as messed up that this guy is apparently on vacation yet needs to be available on his work laptop. Has to be an American.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago

    Poor guy can't even afford a phone

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    I love how he doesn't even know how to one hand a laptop

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Hold the laptop upright. Put the glass on the laptop, smoke the cigar and drink from the glass alternating with the free hand.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago*

    And if he actually starts choking or coughing from the smoke, he’ll probably end up dropping his laptop or his drink into the pool.

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago
    [–] 1 point 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago

    He looks like a twat but like it's not hard to smoke and hold a glass with the same hand. Assuming he's watching a video on the laptop I don't really see the issue.

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  • [–] 0 points 7 months ago (4 children)

    he's so hot, I will do literally anything for him

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  • [+] -5 points 7 months ago (1 child)