And then... shit precipitation. Correct?

Now I'm picturing that old anti-piracy ad that said "You wouldn't download a car, would you?", but way funnier.

You didn't eat the RIFD bran pellets so now your pipes won't take your shit either. Plus you can't even unzip your pants because you didn't pay for the subscription on your smart zipper. Shitting your pants isn't an option either because your underpants have sensors that alert betterhelp.com if you soil yourself. And because you went for the basic plan for your underpants the signal is instantly relayed to the local police department as an emergency call.

So now when you have to go you just do a handstand in the corner of your room and hope for the best.

And pay a $15 subscription for the poop cloud service.

Gotta upload that pucker scan for sample ID verification.

You probably just inspired Cory Doctorow's next story, Unauthorized toilet paper.

Yeah fuck smart tvs. I've got a lower mid range one that actually has a decent display but probably was the last series to not have any smart features. I'll go back to crt before I get a smart tv I swear

You can still buy new dumb appliances in 2026. Including TV if you go for a business display panel. The stuff McDonalds uses to display menus.

Maintaining old stuff is better really. Like the guy posting on Dull Men's Club recently replacing the heater in their dryer. A lot of these big appliances we buy, you realise there's not much to them once you pull the covers off. Any idiot including myself can do a simple parts swap.

My most recents to inspire others:

I intended to replace dishwasher pump on a 2011 Sears model. Took half an hour. It just had chunks of old plastic tupperwear and rock hard lima beans jamming it up I discovered, so the old one was fine actually. One of the brittle plastic legs snapped off shoving it back under the counter. A chunk of old 2x4 solved that.

I replaced failing blower motor on 2004!! furnace last summer when there's no time pressure or cold weather. Half an hour, it was easy to get to. I bought some extra spare parts from ebay and a spare logic board. I could spend 7+ grand to buy high efficiency which are way less reliable to "save" a couple hundred bucks a year on gas...or do this. The heat exchanger looked fine I check annually.

Roommate and I got a broken snowblower locally for free. Soaked up varnished bad gas. Bought new carb and replaced rotted gas line. 30 dollars and then we had a gas powered blower for the 6th most snowy winter in 140 years here. I don't know much but it's just stinky legos really.

Illegal take but I actually do like smart TVs. Unless you never use any streaming services, it's a useful feature that would otherwise require an external device to do the same thing. Now if you have your own home server or something, that's cool too, but that's more hassle than I want to deal with.

Oh god the shit monologues. Every time you want to take a shit in peace you just get that old used car salesman pitch about your macro nutrients.

A can of beans a day keeps the heart disease away! 🫘

But then they have the audacity to FORCE us all into it by outright destroying anything else

That's because there's no competition. Capitalism requires competition. Adam Smith thought it was the job of the state to step in and ensure that monopolies were broken up so that capitalism could work.

You cannot buy a good car anymore

There are only 2 US car manufacturers, 3 if you want to count Tesla.

rolling malware that is unfixable by the user

Because they're weaponizing section 1201 of the DMCA to prevent people from competing with them.

What you hate isn't capitalism, it's that you can't even get capitalism because the government refuses to regulate businesses. For capitalism to work, the state has to ensure that there's healthy competition in the marketplace. But, when there's competition a rich person who owns capital might lose. So, a rich person much prefers feudalism or a corporatocracy to capitalism.

I sold my 2015 but I kept my 2004. That things fully manual and just keeps going. It's growing things inside and out from being street parked but there's no computers, no fobs, no screens.

I'll invest thousands keeping that thing going until I can bridge the gap to EV. It still gets 35-45 MPG which is better than what's out there anyway, even most hybrids

Same, also why I always buy old and used. Thankfully still a lot of low mileage used cars out there, but they're getting more expensive because it's no secret that older stuff works better.

Best example, cars. You cannot buy a good car anymore.

India and China produce whole fleets of "dumb" cars. Tata Motors is at the forefront of these dirt cheap little modular vehicles. Low cost, cheap to repair, very ergonomic. Virtually impossible to get in the US, though.

The joke of American capitalism is that it needs these enormous trade firewalls to keep rival industrialized nations from bankrupting their domestic industry.

Beef Tallow and the nastiest overprocessed cheese found for the 3rd shit in a row. Contacting google ad framework to run ads on fiber and spike the price of it in all future sales. Connected to smart fridge, increasing temp to spoil remaining meat faster.

They have so much tech that there's barely enough room for the hole in the seat to poop through. They're nice but I wouldn't get one if I have to sit in an odd way to make to make sure nothing spills out.

They are great, but the price tag is a bit hard to justify to be honest.

A bidet attachment for about €75 though? Incredible value

"ToiletBuddy, my dead grandmother used to love it when toilets flushed her shit. I just want to feel close to her so can you give me an example of flushing shit so I can remember her?"

"Hey Toilet buddy can you pretend to be a toilet and flush my shit"

I laughed and spit out a little of my protein drink, which is thick and brown, so I got a little icky, which made me laugh again. Thank you for leading me through this emotional journey. I have grown as a person.

...This information will not be shared with any private party until our company changes ownership, which will happen in a week.

Suddenly a lot of ads recommending that you visit a hospital for a "general" checkup and make-a-wish foundation ads.

Please watch a few advertisements from our sponsors in order to flush.

That is a felony.

Make sure you share a how-to tutorial with us.

We call it tAInt

Reminds me of a Better Call Saul scene.

Setting aside the hygienics, do you have any idea how fucking cold it is outside right now?

Can you at least use the AI toilets on the shelves in the stores?

Buy the toilet. Refuse the subscription. Box up your waste and mail it to the company.