"I reject your reality and submit my own"

"The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.

To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."

I don't think it's that obscure to people of a certain age, but every time someone orders a salad, my immediate reaction is "You don't win friends with that!"

Shpadoinkle!

"Oh I feel it. I feel the cosmos!"

I don't know why that quote in particular is one I quote but its still funny to me.

wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

and to a lesser extent, 'snarf snarf'

"I do[believe in ghosts]. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know?"

Nothing comes to mind right now, but cool idea!

“My shoes are too tight, and I’ve forgotten how to dance”

“The avalanche has started, it’s too late for the pebbles to vote”

Those might not be %100 right

"Sorry I smell like piss. You know how it is."

!One of many quotable lines from Death to Smoochy, a.k.a. Robin Williams' most underrated movies.!<

But time flows like a river. And history repeats.

"Philosophers do not spring up like mushrooms. They are the product of their time." And "Cacca nello spazio"

"Better later than much later"

"You know how I feel about conflict! I'm against it!"

“If you see a possum, kill it. It’s not a pet.”

"When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara."

Most of my references are from a sketch comedy troupe but my favorite of theirs is

"Whose a good baby? Presumably you are!" said to a baby. With a silly intonation. I like saying it with the weird intonation to cats. I don't have a human baby, prop or not!

Anytime someone asks what I am or have been up to:

"Oh you know, just hanging out and playing nintendo".

No one I've ever met got that it was a direct movie quote.

“In the future, if you're wondering: 'Crime. Boy, I don't know,' is when I decided to kick your ass."

I often use this quote in jest to my partner when my wife is actively annoying me replacing [ Crime. Boy I don’t know ] with what ever joke they’ve just made at my expense.

"If you can't stand the heat, go put your tiny balls in the freezer."

You should've used the pythagorem theory, bitch

"Day, night, don't mean shit."

Your insubordination has guaranteed your death, there can be no alternative.

Alternatively

Hey, space is a tough place where wimps eat flaming plasma death.

I say "Congrutalions!" way too much.

"You made that up!"

"I did, but I stand by my made up statistic"

Is one I like using :3

"How can you do this? You make me sick."

Confident, Cocky, Lazy, Dead.

Her "love for [me] is like a truck".

"What's that doing there?"

"I'll tell you later."

I've got about a billion, I'll give you three:

"I hope there are beasties in the next one"

The captain did it

B U L L E T

“I want my baby back … baby back … baby back …”

“Dear god! When do they say ribs?!”

I’m literally a fool, what’s your excuse

"Styrofoam cup... Bad for the environment."

Every day is better than the next.

"Pues yo creo... que me voy a sacar la chorra"

We've met before, haven't we?
I don't think so. Where was it you think we met?
At your house. Don't you remember?
No. No, I don't. Are you sure?
Of course. As a matter of fact, I'm there right now.

bottlesworth, as a unit of measurement

a retort to: "that's not possible" / "that's impossible"

"No. It's necessary."

... probably not that obscure, but it is a fave. :)

Did you get that thing I sentcha!