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[–] 121 points 10 months ago (12 children)
  1. This is basically the Canadian version of The Onion.

  2. The joke is that trump might kidnap him too

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  • [–] 53 points 10 months ago (10 children)

    Trump just annexed Venezuela after threatening them.

    Trump has also threatened Greenland, Canada, and Mexico. Are you sure it's a joke?

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  • [–] 26 points 10 months ago (9 children)

    Headline:

    Mark Carney turns off geolocation on phone just in case

    The implied joke is that the reason is trump might kidnap him too, because it is plausible.

    What exactly don't you understand about how it's a joke?

    Are you sure you just don't know what a joke is?

    If I make a joke about trump having a tiny mushroom dick, would you say it can't be a joke because it's true?

    Like, what the actual fuck are you even trying to say here, and why are people up voting it?

    The website is literally a parody website, every single article is a joke. If you think differently, you just bit the beaver.

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  • [–] 20 points 10 months ago (6 children)

    Beaverton/Onion comments are always full of people making jokes about "are you sure this is satire?". Relax. Take a breath. Sure givesomefucks but maybe give a few less fucks when it comes to dumb comments on a Beaverton article.

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  • [+] -10 points 10 months ago (5 children)

    Which is it?

    Not a joke? Or it's a joke and I should care less?

    If it's a joke and I should care less, why were you saying it's not a joke?

    Was it literally just because you see other people make the comment and get up voted, so you made the comment without understanding anything?

    You know that's literally how chat it's 30 years ago behaved, that's the level you're on chief.

    So maybe you should start giving more fucks and not just blindly repeating nonsense you've seen people get up votes for.

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  • [–] 16 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I wish Americans got this fired up about their government. We might not be having this discussion in the first place.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago

    I don't think it's fire Americans are lacking with regard to their government. The fire seems to be getting used against them, to keep them divided and conquered, arguing over inconsequentialities, keeping them in a snug opposame back and forth.

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  • [–] -2 points 10 months ago

    It is a joke, and it's funny because it holds a kernel of truth. "We laugh so we do not cry."

    No tears shed for Maduro, but it's pretty obvious that Trump doesn't know what he's doing and doesn't have a plan.

    Staging a secret service raid to kidnap Carney is pretty out there, but then El Presidente Trump just talked about "doing something about Mexico" from the Southern Presidential Palace.

    It's a joke, you should laugh, and you should also remember what the joke is referencing.

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  • [–] 51 points 10 months ago

    Mark Carney: and that's why I had graphene os Installed on every phone in the family.

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  • [–] 32 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Ha, the joke is that you can't turn off geolocation! That is why it is funny! Ha ha!

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  • [–] 40 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    It's funny because a fascist regime just blitzkrieged South America.

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  • [–] 33 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    Finally posted a response. Weak.

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  • [–] 18 points 10 months ago (6 children)

    To turn off your phone's geolocation, turn off your phone.

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  • [–] 13 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Even if you turn off your phone, there is a lower-level operating system that is still connecting to cell phone towers. You either have to take the battery out, or leave your phone at home.

    Try doing a search for "baseband processor".

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  • [–] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 child)

    Not... exactly.

    Baseband processors could hypothetically remain energized and pull a list of nearby base stations, but it's not possible for it to be transmitting without you knowing (the battery drain would be extremely obvious). I have also never heard of this happening, nor can I find an example of this being documented behavior, nor can I find an example of someone enabling this functionality while the device has been powered off.

    What can happen is something like the subversion of the power-off state to be simply an implementation of the OS's standby state - this is extremely difficult in any modern mobile OS (again I can't find examples of this being demonstrated without arbitrary code execution) but is the method rumored to be employed by the various security groups.

    If you're being targeted by a group on the level of (ex:) the mossad, having a phone at all is a liability, even if the battery has been removed. If you're not the target of a security group, turning off your phone is a great way of preserving your privacy.

    (Also, fun little side note, depending on your region leaving your phone at home won't do anything to prevent your location be tracked. Whee!)

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  • [–] 9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    Can any phones operate in starlink only mode? Would that offer any protection or would SpaceX just give the data to whoever asked?

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago

    The Beaverton really needs to stick to satire, it was never meant as an advice column.

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  • [+] -29 points 10 months ago (14 children)

    just wants to be able to spend a bit of quality time with his family

    Oh. So he's not scared of the masses he's complicit in murdering^1^ seeking vigilante justice since they'll get no justice from "the justice system"? I could have swore it was that, and/or going to secret meetings about how else to screw over "the little people", further impoverishing and disempowering them.

    Well that's nice to know he's just a family man.

    ^1^ Like happened when he served as the Governor of the Bank of England from 2013 to 2020, with over 130,000 people were culled by imposing abject poverty, depriving them of social services and breaching duty of care.

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  • [–] 25 points 10 months ago (11 children)

    I think you missed something 😬

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  • [+] -12 points 10 months ago (10 children)

    Such as?

    C'mon, make that a helpful comment. Don't keep the answers to yourself, keeping me guessing what I'm supposed to be looking for.

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  • [–] 15 points 10 months ago (8 children)

    The Beaverton is a satire site

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  • [+] -11 points 10 months ago (7 children)
  • [–] 18 points 10 months ago (5 children)
  • [+] -7 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Are there a bunch of Mark Carney fans here or something, not liking me pointing out what a rotter he is, adding to the satire?

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    Except that the things you're blaming him for are things that David Cameron and his government cheerfully did, not Mark Carney.

    He kept the stock market from crashing quite as badly when he was in charge of the UK's independent central bank, so you cam argue that he protected the rich, but that's exactly what he was paid to do. It was the conservative government, that took all the money away from the people, not Mark Carney.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (2 children)

    Did not so much blame [like the sole culprit] as say complicit. And I stand by that. He worked closely with Osborne (who selected him for the role) and Cameron, facilitating and covering for the "austerity" (genocide/democide) agenda.

    He's in the big club (that do not care about us at all). If we had a theyrule.net type website for them at the time in the UK, we'd see more of the close ties, like to the media who peddled the lies [like The Daily Mail's (iirc) "95% of benefits claimants are fraudulent scroungers" [later revealed less than 0.7%]] to drum up hate sufficient to have the public enthusiastic for the cull they did not realise was happening [unless they went out of their way to look up callum's list('s harrowing stories from the mere start, before the numbers got too big and numbing), black triangle campaign, disabled people against cuts' no more deaths from benefits cuts campaign, or others independently reporting on it], with complete corporate media silence on the matter, until Francesca Martinez managed to break the silence on a BBC live recording of Question Time in 2019 ("TV Moment of the Year) opening with the wry "I don't know if this is widely reported, but...". Carney's very much part of it. Friendly warning, Canada.

    ::: spoiler And if anyone [especially Canadians] wants to challenge the foundations of their love of Mark Carney, here's a copy-pasta of a quick churn from an LLM on the matter of Mark Carney's plausible complicity in that genocide (~ using an LLM since I don't have the energy to trigger myself with the PTSD of elaborating more about it, being a survivor, trying to heal still, and I'd likely not be as fair, factual and unemotional as an LLM on this matter, being so close to it)

    During the fit-to-work scandal, "austerity", "averybritishgenocide", in which over 130,000 disabled poor were culled, while the UK was under the Conservatve+LibDem coalition at first, and then later just the Conservative party, through the 2010s, in which Mark Carney was governor of the bank of england from 2013 to 2020, describe the ways the government and the governor of the bank of england work together, and in which ways Mark Carney can be fairly described/suspected as complicit in those deaths?

    During the 2010s, the UK government—first under the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition and later under the Conservatives alone—pursued a radical austerity agenda, cutting welfare, housing subsidies, and public services by over £30 billion. These policies had devastating effects on the most vulnerable, with over 130,000 deaths linked to austerity’s impact on health and social care, a figure some activists and researchers describe as a "social murder" or "genocide" of the disabled and pooren.wikipedia.org.

    How the Government and Bank of England Worked Together

    1. Monetary Policy and Austerity: The Bank of England, under Governor Mark Carney (2013–2020), implemented ultra-loose monetary policy—keeping interest rates at historic lows and expanding quantitative easing (QE). QE involved the Bank buying government bonds, effectively financing the government’s deficit and enabling continued austerity. This allowed Chancellor George Osborne to claim fiscal responsibility while the Bank’s policies masked the true cost of cuts by keeping borrowing costs artificially low. ifs.org.uk.

    2. Political Cover: Carney’s QE and low-interest-rate policies were criticized for widening inequality and providing political cover for Osborne’s austerity. By keeping borrowing cheap, the Bank enabled the government to cut spending without facing immediate market backlash, even as public services and welfare were gutted. thewalrus.ca

    3. Brexit and Economic Warnings: Carney repeatedly warned about the economic risks of Brexit, but his interventions were seen by some as aligning with the government’s “Project Fear” narrative, further entangling the Bank in political controversy. independent.co.uk

    Mark Carney’s Complicity

    • Enabling Austerity: Carney’s monetary policies—especially QE—were integral to the fiscal strategy of austerity. By purchasing government debt, the Bank of England directly supported the government’s ability to cut spending without triggering a debt crisis, even as the human cost mounted. tuc.org.uk
    • Widening Inequality: Critics argue that QE disproportionately benefited asset holders and the wealthy, exacerbating inequality and leaving the poor and disabled even more vulnerable to austerity’s cuts. thewalrus.ca.
    • Political Alignment: Carney was appointed by Osborne and worked closely with the Conservative-led government. While he occasionally clashed with ministers, his policies were consistently described as providing “cover” for austerity, rather than challenging its human toll. independent.co.uk.
    • Legacy of Harm: The combination of austerity and the Bank’s monetary policies led to stagnant wages, collapsed public services, and a sharp rise in poverty and homelessness—outcomes that Carney’s policies did not mitigate, and in some ways enabled. en.wikipedia.org

    Conclusion: While Carney was not the architect of austerity, his leadership at the Bank of England was complicit in its continuation and deepening. By financing the government’s deficit and keeping borrowing costs low, the Bank under Carney allowed austerity to persist, with deadly consequences for the UK’s most vulnerable. His policies provided the financial and political space for cuts to proceed, making him a key, if indirect, enabler of the suffering that followed.

    Would you like to explore specific policy decisions or further critiques of Carney’s tenure?

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  • [–] -2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    You're dramatically reducing your credibility by citing The Daily Mail. Ive never been to the UK and I know it's a right-wing rag. I mean, I literally didn't know they'd done an article about Sasquatch until I searched for it while writing this post, but here it is.

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  • [–] 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

    You’re dramatically reducing your credibility by citing The Daily Mail.

    LMAO.

    Are you a bot?

    You've completely missed the point of mentioning the Daily Mail there. XD

    Read that again, and you'll see...

    He’s in the big club (that do not care about us at all). If we had a theyrule.net type website for them at the time in the UK, we’d see more of the close ties, like to the media who peddled the lies [like The Daily Mail’s (iirc) “95% of benefits claimants are fraudulent scroungers” [later revealed less than 0.7%]] to drum up hate sufficient to have the public enthusiastic for the cull they did not realise was happening [unless they went out of their way to look up callum’s list('s harrowing stories from the mere start, before the numbers got too big and numbing), black triangle campaign, disabled people against cuts’ no more deaths from benefits cuts campaign, or others independently reporting on it], with complete corporate media silence on the matter, until Francesca Martinez managed to break the silence on a BBC live recording of Question Time in 2019 ("TV Moment of the Year) opening with the wry “I don’t know if this is widely reported, but…”. Carney’s very much part of it. Friendly warning, Canada.

    See? Entirely highlighting what a peddler of lies The Daily Mail is.

    Did you just skim read, see Daily Mail, and think I was citing them as a source of truth, entirely missing the context that they were mentioned for their crimes, for their lies, for their spreading hate, for their complicity in genocide?

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  • [–] -4 points 10 months ago

    like maybe taking

    and definitely not influenced by, hypothetically speaking, military action by a neighbouring country against a foreign leader said country had repeatedly threatened

    not seriously enough?

    :P

    [I assert my point more valid, the threat from those not in the big club more seriously perceived, than those in the big club, who have the means to detect where regardless of phone tracking]

    or taking https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/01/carney-promises-2026-will-see-huge-economic-growth-that-will-absolutely-not-include-you/ too seriously? If so, I wonder why. Satire's a great way of revealing the truth.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago

    As independent governor of the Bank of England he had power to chair the decision making board over interest rates and to do quantitative easing.

    The impoverishment of the poor and removal of support was the policy of the (separate) Tory and libdem coalition government up to 2015 and Tory government from 2015.

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  • 1 comment in c/MapleResistance@lemmy.ca view that post
    [–] 1 point 10 months ago*

    Why is this the only article that discusses Carney and Venezuela?

    Answer to my own question, political white noise.

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  • 1 comment in c/theonion@midwest.social view that post
    [–] 2 points 8 months ago

    Probably a good idea.

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