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[–] 56 points 10 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 30 points 10 months ago

    With enough dedication everything is possible.

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  • [–] 24 points 10 months ago (34 children)

    I don't get why Americans think everything in Australia will kill you. You know what we don't have in Australia? BEARS! A fully grown polar bear will fuck you up like nothing else on this planet. It is the only animal that actively hunts humans. Of course brown & grizzly bears are killers too.
    What about a nice, safe grazing animal? Look out - that's a MOOSE and it will end your life on a whim.
    Safer in the water? That's where SHARKS live. Yes, that's right, they live in the same ocean that we have here. The United States leads in documented shark attacks, with Florida accounting for nearly half of U.S. incidents.
    Of course its not just big animals that can kill & maim. That cute little squirrel? That's got RABIES. 100% fatal once symptoms show, its an extremely unpleasant end.
    Of course if having your brain melted is how you get off, you've come to the right place. How about a dose of CJD from eating a ZOMBIE DEER? Nothing like the creeping inevitability of a prion disease to put a spark in your step.
    Not biblical enough? How about a dose of BLACK PLAGUE? Easily treated with cheap antibiotics, hope your health system is up to it.
    I could go on with the BOBCATS, SNAKES (13 times more deaths than Australia in 2025) and so on but you get the point.
    Everything in America is trying to kill you.

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  • [–] 9 points 10 months ago* (1 child)

    Dude. You forgot all the natural disasters that happen here. We have cyclones and hurricanes, as well as earthquakes, tornadoes, blizzards, flash flooding, the occasional locusts, and of course fire season.

    No, you read that correctly. In the American southwest there is a "fire season" we are in the beginning stages of that right now. Ironically it's also when we get the majority of our rainfall.

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  • [–] 7 points 10 months ago (8 children)

    As an American, it’s mostly just a joke.

    A lot of it has to do with nature documentaries that focus on the extremely misunderstood but potentially deadly animals. For clicks, they tend to play up how dangerous/viscuous/whatever they are. (See every shark show ever)

    Like quoka aren’t really talked about, either.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago* (5 children)

    They also take a lot of unimportant stuff and pretend it's important. Australian snakes are 17 of the top 20 most venomous snakes*

    *Against mice

    They just don't attack humans unless the human is fucking with them

    Cassowarys too. Deadly dangerous. The last people killed by a flock of them was throwing rocks and beer cans at them. You've got to try to get killed by them.

    We don't really have any animals we need to tell people to not try to get a selfie with, aside from koalas but for the koala's benefit, it's not going to hurt you

    There's an effort to replace rabbits as the Easter animal with quokkas. I reckon the quokka is more cute than the bunny.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    I reckon the quokka is more cute than the bunny.

    I dunno. rabbits have it on floof if you go with the angora. Quokka take it on charm, though.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago* (2 children)
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Did you know there are actually more alligator attacks per capita in the whole US than in Australia?

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    You made me curious. I can't find solid numbers on attacks/deaths per capita, but last year a indigenous Arakun (far north Queensland) fisherman was killed and only confirmed by DNA testing his remains in the Croc.

    In 2024 two people were killed, a 12yo girl in NT (Northern Territory) and a 40yo man in Cooktown, Queensland.

    The US also seems to have 1-2 annual alligator deaths, but considering our demographics difference (Aus 28.2m, USA 342m), Australia has over ten times as many deaths by large reptile per capita.

    BTW all of Northern Aus is where the crocs are, and there are 'Absolutely no swimming' signs everywhere, but it's hot as fuck up there and fishing and boating are very popular pasttimes so it is hard to keep the people and the crocs out of each other's territory. I imagine it's similar in the Southeast US?

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (6 children)

    Water is the biggest killer in Australia. Either being without it or in it and pretty much anywhere across the country. The worst animals are in the water, you’ll die in a very short time without it.

    Followed by stupidity and lack of respect for the environment.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago* (5 children)

    Cows are up there for big animals. Heatwaves are pretty underreported too

    Edit: I looked it up: dementia is now the top cause of death in Australia.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (4 children)
  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Its got a few definitions but the context I was using is coming in at the last minute to secure the win. I've been listening to kids too much and it's affected my language. Rip.

    https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Clutch

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago

    When I think of Australia and the things that can kill me, I think of the billion insects, small or big. And the countless poisonous or toxic things that I could encounter. Even while going to the toilet.

    I too, would choose the bear.

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    [–] 21 points 10 months ago

    The blood lust in his eyes. 1,000 burning suns, his soul is as dark as a blackhole.

    His name is mort

    :D

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  • [–] 14 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    I used to wrestle with one of my kitties and had to stop because it went from cute to painful (for me). She absolutely thought she could kill me.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago (2 children)

    After you permanently stopped wrestling with her, did she ever get playful and come attack you when your guard was down and vulnerable?

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  • [–] 11 points 10 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    Never underestimate what a small creature can do.

    I had the distinct displeasure of being a manager over a jackass that maced a bunny. (It was begging for food and he freaked out.)

    Buns panicked, ran up his pantleg and went all Spawn of Caerbannog on his balls.

    Dunno if he was emasculated, but you’d think it by his screaming. (It wasn’t just that it got nibbly. Buns was soaked in OC spray he was definitely not supposed to have.)

    Buns found a good home with the animal rescue lady, too. She was decidedly less frosty when I asked for a copy of her report so we could put in his file.

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    At least you don't need to worry about a fucking bear or moose charging at you at full speed.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I feel a ton of people don't internalize the meme about European forests and North American.

    Our outdoors are fucking scary!

    That being said, I hike through grizzly country fairly often, and have never had a problem. But my food is usually dehydrated.

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  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago (10 children)

    Omg! Is that a little possum‽

    (Side note in American, opossum is pronounced with the "O"!!!!)

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (7 children)

    I think it’s a bilby. I’ve seen a few of these living out in the sticks and that’s what I know them as.

    Their ball bag is huge for their size.

    Edit: looks like I’m wrong. See below for corrections

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    A lot of little mammals are this way, pet rats for example

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 child)

    You ever have a pet rat drag their big ass balls across your face?

    Well I haven't either, but got close with a friend's pet rat. (Btw,I grew up with dogs, made a living training dogs for some time, was even a "kennel coach" for some time at the local ASPCA!) But rats are pretty dope, and I will preach their awesomeness at any opportunity.

    Get more then one! They are social creatures!

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  • I have not had that experience no... My family bred and trained dogs for 3 generations, mostly sled dogs and k9 for the local cops (this was the 50s and Alaska) and more recently we raised pythons, along with rats to feed them. Breeders graduated to pet and got cushy retirements in the giant birdcage we set up.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Missed the joke by this much....

    "not all Australian animals can kill you..... Don't get me wrong, he wants to, but he just can't"

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