Probably stand still otherwise that walking on the sea part of the Bible would have been hilarious as Jesus flips all over the place in the waves as the disciples yell, “Oh shit! OH FUCK!”

Someone should email the Vatican and ask. Not because I think they have the answer, just because I think it'd be funny.

The answer to the question depends on if Jesus walks over water or on water. I think the idea of him not being able to bath without disabling his habilities is funnier so he would go down the river as if it were an icy slope, behaving as a drop of a highly hydrophobic substance.

According to the lore, he's a god so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

What if he slipped and accidentally turned it all into wine?

How fast is the current?

Is there a flow threshold where he does start moving, and is that threshold relativistic?

"Look, it's an important unresolved question. We are all in dire need of doctrinal clarification. Does anybody know the Pope's phone number?"

Does Jesus impart weight on the water at all? We have to assume not, because otherwise he would create a depression in it. This means he could stand on the flow coming out of a hosepipe that he himself is holding.

With a long enough hosepipe he could fly over buildings.

He'd stand still, so effectively on a fixed point relative to the planet.
Otherwise there'd be reports of him wobbling with the waves in that accurate and trustworthy book some randos wrote decades after he went back to his spaceship died...

Also, is this an European river or African river?

He stands still

How many lands does he have left? Do I have any counter spells left? No way I'm allowing zombie jesus to walk on water, I got goblins to double on his ass.

jerry seinfeld dated a 17-year-old back in the 1990s. sorry if this is how you found out. seriously!

dude imagine a water slide

Whichever he willed.

I would have to assume move. Unless this ability could be material specific or be disabled at will, he would have to still be in contact with the surface because otherwise if he was actually levitating at some minor level he wouldn't be able to walk regardless of what he was standing on.

Whatever he felt like doing.

When my boyfriend asks me what I'm thinking I always find myself in a dilemma. Should I tell him and waste precious minutes of our lives babbling about the tenthousand thoughts that has been passing through my head the last hour or should I go "nothing much" and suffer his relentless persistence in getting me to tell him because he can tell I'm thinking and he wants to know what goes on in my head?

Last night we watched Disney's Christmas Show and he foolishly asked me this question during the Pluto and Chip and Dale segment. So I went on a tirade about how how I've been thinking about what it must have been like to paint the backgrounds, animate the scenes, come up with the gags, what was in the presents Pluto stepped into like shoes, how differently Americans decorate their trees compared to us, how weird it is that they celebrate Christmas on the 25th and why does Mickey have so many presents lying around hus house when it's just him and Pluto? Etc etc.

Calm down. It was just that one time!

he has a point though

jesus was just surfing a hole. he's not going anywhere.

If thoughts were agenda items, I’d be banned from meetings permanently.