Thank god for censoring "stole". I don't know what I would have done had I been able to read that word.

Oh man, my workplace switched to an external IT support company, InfoSys, which pulls basically the same scam.

When you open a ticket, they immediately write something underneath – typically a question that's already answered in the ticket – because it shows up in their statistics as low response times.

Then they'll do shit like split up your ticket into three new tickets for no good reason.

And if you happen to be on holiday for a few days and therefore don't respond, they'll close your tickets due to inactivity.

Then you have to open a new ticket and link to the old ticket, if you can still access it, and then re-answer the same braindead questions again.

Basically, if it's something you can solve yourself, you should, because it will take more time to communicate back and forth with InfoSys.

"When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure."

- Goodhart's law

Any system that can be gamed, will be gamed.

FTFY

We're truly fucked as a society if the word "stole" offends/triggers/shocks anyone.

IT,

Thank you for replying to my ticket. Unfortunately, the key word in your recommendation appears to be censored. Could you take a look at the safety filter and try again?

• Peter

Close your eyes OP, I'm about to say a naughty word.

Stole.

The real question is: how did the receptionist file the ticket?

Power corrupts, IT management corrupts absolutely.

At first I was reading bone structure and was wondering how that would work

Does anybody else’s company do this with laptops? You tell them something doesn’t work so they take it and just give you someone else’s that had an issue they didn’t fix?

The Cobra Effect

An anecdote tells of the British government's bounty on dead Indian cobras giving locals the perverse incentive to start breeding the snakes, to be able to kill more of them

Sounds like a BOFH

https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/bofh/

You don't need to unplug a printer for someone to need help with it:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dgIAWko4QxU

I kind of hate this idea of a "Chad" and how we're supposed to be this muscle bound meathead in this image

Also fuck Twitter and fuck censoring words.

Smartest IT guy.

Not IT Professional. IT Guy.

Big difference. My dumb ass could be an IT guy. I can fix printers and replace peripherals. I can't troubleshoot a database. I am not an IT Professional.

Does the company also happen to have a cobra problem?

I just lost my job if anyone from work reads this wtf nsfw

As soon as a metric becomes a goal, it stops being a useful metric. This is management 101

Why tf is "stole" censored?? We can't even discuss crime now?

Close them anyways and gaslight them when they complain. Tell them to open another ticket and repeat. This is called the Sisyphus method.

One of our desktop techs was found to be opening/closing tickets for the work of processing tickets. It was strongly suggested that she not do that.

He is an agent of capitalistic chaos.

I remember a director asking me to speed up getting a large order out before the end of the week even though I had already put in the best guess as a week later.
I reminded him I work by the hour and not on commission and he was like "ooh yeah that makes sense, alright carry on"

Had this once, had a prize for most tickets closed. Every morning I'd be first to grab all the easy garbage tickets. I won.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perverse_incentive

the receptionist filed another ticket: "My keyboard is missing."

Impressive. Voice dictation, on-screen keyboard, or they had a help desk that is actually slightly workable on mobile? (The third is imaginary.)

Gamification of the system. I love it

The question is, how did she fill out the ticket without a keyboard 🤔

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodhart%27s_law

There was a wine company once that hired a new CEO and tied their bonus to how many more litres of wine he could move.

He cut the selling price in half (below cost) and walked away with a big bonus.