Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert’s campaign said that it was “investigating some very unusual voting patterns,” as the MAGA congresswoman was on the brink of losing her reelection bid.

As Democrat Eileen Laubacher’s lead over Boebert grew slightly Thursday in the race to represent Colorado’s 4th District, Boebert’s campaign released a statement suggesting foul play. Scott Gessler, the attorney for the campaign, claimed that the votes had been “trending” in Boebert’s favor since election night, “consistently lowering the margin under one percentage point.”

“We are investigating some very unusual voting patterns and expect this election to head to a recount, one way or another,” Gessler continued.

As of Friday morning, Laubacher was still leading Boebert 48.75 percent to 47.94 percent, with 97 percent reporting. The two candidates had a margin of 3,069 votes, more than three times the automatic recount threshold of 921 votes. Boebert’s campaign could still choose to pay for a recount.

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[–] 128 points 12 hours ago (30 children)

Try not to jerk anyone off in the parking lot on your way out.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 hours ago (20 children)
  • [–] 12 points 10 hours ago (6 children)
  • [–] 15 points 10 hours ago (3 children)
  • [–] 9 points 11 hours ago (12 children)
  • [–] 10 points 10 hours ago (11 children)

    That makes sense, the uncut are easier to jerk off.

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  • [–] 8 points 10 hours ago (10 children)
  • [–] 9 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

    Yeah. There's more physical sensation and lube is less required.

    And the skin heals faster than whatever tissue makes up the head.

    Bit more work to keep clean, but I highly recommend being uncut.

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  • [–] 7 points 9 hours ago (3 children)
  • [–] 3 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

    The real reason for the prevalence of circumcision was to discourage "self-abuse".

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  • [–] 3 points 8 hours ago

    I think it reduced infection and such legitimately, in men. So called female circumcision, aka female genital mutilation, is done to prevent sexual escapades by woman, as I understand it.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 hours ago (1 child)

    Have you ever seen those water-wiggler/infinite tube things people used to give out as party favors way back in the before-times? It kind of works like having a built-in one of those at all times. That's why they started to encourage people to cut them off in the 1800s. People kind of forget that the whole reason Christians started doing it was prudes getting up in their feelings about men having a good wank and the corpos liking the idea of not being able to jack it without having to pay for some Vaseline or a bottle of Jergens.

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  • [–] 6 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

    Y'know, I'm sympathetic to her on this one. I keep trying, but it's like two or three dudes every time I leave a store. It takes forever to get to my car! Well, I mean, like two extra minutes. But y'know, that's valuable time!

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  • [–] 2 points 6 hours ago (1 child)

    I'm rwminded of the Silicon Valley middle-out discussion about the most efficient method to perk off as ,any dudes as possible. Didn't that inspire an actual breakthrough in compression algorithms?

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  • [–] 70 points 12 hours ago (11 children)

    I was wondering which Nazi would break first.

    Maybe she should go work out her energy by wanking off some dude in public.

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  • [–] 14 points 11 hours ago* (10 children)

    I am surprised none of them except her are screeching and fighting teeth and nails over "election fraud". They can't concede defeat, it's neither in the fascist handtweet (because they can't read a handbook) and they are all going to be prosecuted. Unless they plan to get AIPAC-funded traitors break D ranks and/or pass milquetoast "we're not here for revenge" legislature?

    I'm scared they're planning a coup or a Jan. 6 2.0 massacre.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 hours ago (8 children)

    It’s too early. They are all scrambling. She broke early and I’m sure got yelled at.

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  • [–] 6 points 10 hours ago (7 children)

    Right now it feels like 2012 energy, where they were sure they had systems in place to keep things in check, and now they're regrouping and lashing out at a few of their own on the way. So get ready and be alert. This didn't destroy MAGA, it just blindsided them.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 hours ago (6 children)

    They sure got even for that black man. 😂😂

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  • [–] 4 points 10 hours ago (5 children)

    If it wasn't for Obama's roasting of Trump, we would have gotten a different version of MAGA. That was inevitable. I wonder if we got the better one? What if MAGA had put in place someone more competent, less history, and younger?

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  • [–] 4 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

    Right? That will be the next one though. I think 2028 despite the bullshit. I know, I know, Debbie Doomer, but really look around. It’s been clear for a decade (longer if you pay attention) that there’s like 1.5 political parties in amerikkka, not 2.

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  • [–] 4 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

    I don't see it as "both sides" but more too many are willing to lean and protect their own interests, so they don't agree with a lot from the right, but give into them with lots of excuses. Seems like it's about the same results, but it's fixable, unlike if half the left was actually Fedderman clones.

    To your number - I hope in that viewpoint we have that 0.5, that would be promising for eventual change, as it wasn't too long ago that having just a few progressive in the House was news.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

    Which one of the progressives do you think will be arrested first?

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  • [–] 2 points 10 hours ago

    They'll use the tools in place like they've been trying to do and deport the ones they can get away with. They don't want it going to a potential "woke" judge who throws it out, they want them out of the country, or just disappeared. Like I've said, this is one win, but everyone needs to stay alert and ready.

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  • [–] 62 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

    We forgot you existed. Please go away.

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  • [–] 41 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

    "If I win, it's the will of the people. If you win, you cheated."

    - Morons and Liars

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  • [–] 38 points 12 hours ago (2 children)
    [–] 30 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

    "It's only fraud if we lose!"

    • Republicans
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  • [–] 26 points 6 hours ago (1 child)

    Sounds like a handy excuse

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  • [–] 19 points 8 hours ago* (3 children)

    If the voters don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

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  • [–] 17 points 12 hours ago (4 children)

    I hope her campaign can't afford to pay for a recount. Do you need to put down a deposit or something because I wouldn't trust them to actually pay at all.

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  • [–] 2 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

    It depends on state and how close the count is. If within a certain margin all states, to my limited knowledge, will allow recounts as I have heard through the years. But if the win is by enough of a percentage the candidate has to pay for it.

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  • [–] 14 points 12 hours ago

    Bye Bye boe boe.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

    Doesn’t she have neglected grandchildren to ignore?

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  • [–] 6 points 10 hours ago (1 child)

    She has a son charged with grooming to avoid visiting in court, at the very least.

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  • [–] 6 points 10 hours ago

    Under the agreement, Tyler Boebert received a two-year deferred judgment that would have allowed him to avoid a felony conviction if he successfully completed probation.

    That changed after Tyler Boebert pleaded guilty in Weld County to misdemeanor child abuse that did not cause injury. The case stemmed from his toddler son wandering out of a house while unsupervised. A charge stemming from a second alleged child abuse incident was dismissed. A Weld County judge sentenced him Sept. 4 to 12 months of probation and 20 days of work release.

    https://www.postindependent.com/news/rep-lauren-boeberts-eldest-son-sentenced-to-probation-20-days-in-jail/

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  • [–] 12 points 6 hours ago

    At the same time that the entire country said a loud fuck you to maga, only her race was fraud. Fucking joke loser.

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  • [–] 10 points 12 hours ago (2 children)
  • [–] 10 points 10 hours ago

    Fuck off into irrelevance, you pedo protector

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  • [–] 9 points 6 hours ago (1 child)

    I can’t believe Lauren Bimbort’s race is even close, honestly.

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  • [–] 10 points 5 hours ago

    I was in her district. She moved to a safer district in 2024. It should have been a pretty safe bet for her, but shit has been wild.

    Colorado is weird. Fuck the term-limited governor for granting Tina Peters clemency. And fuck Tina Peters.

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  • [–] 9 points 8 hours ago

    Second verse, same as the first.

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  • [–] 8 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

    Go see a movie. And watch it this time.

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  • [–] 7 points 11 hours ago

    Is she rich enough to do that?

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  • [–] 7 points 5 hours ago

    Nope. No fraud, Lauren. It's just that everyone hates you.

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  • [–] 6 points 11 hours ago

    Buh bye bitch

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  • [–] 7 points 10 hours ago (1 child)

    "Unusual voting patterns" being people actually voting against Republican candidates?

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  • [–] 3 points 10 hours ago

    What could have possibly happened to make people change thier votes, it's highly unusual, people usually just sit there and take it whilst still voting the same way, very strange, only explanation must be voter fraud

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  • [–] 7 points 5 hours ago*

    I was watching 9News with Kyle Clark all night on election night. At no point was she within 1 percentage point on election night. She was down like 3% all night. Not sure how she thinks this is a weird trend, considering now more of the more likely to be Republican voters are trickling in from voting on election day in person.

    At one point, the local correspondant at her election night campaign event pointed out how much fun she was having for someone that was losing the election. She was slamming Busch Lights all night and swing dancing with her boyfriend.

    Kyle Clark pulled out a zinger and said "I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to say this on local news, but we had a saying in college: Boozin', even if we're losin' " 😂

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  • [–] 6 points 11 hours ago

    Either I win or it wasn't fair.

    -Whinny Maga

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago

    Cry more, fash.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 hours ago

    Sore loser. This disgusting woman would destroy the United States if she could with her fascist nightmare theocratic ideology.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago

    So long, Has-Been. See you in the footnotes.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 hours ago (1 child)

    at this point I can't see why she'd bother to pay for a recount. It's not like her vote will matter in the new congress now, her chance of getting any legislation through is zero. Maybe she just needs the paycheck.

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  • [–] 2 points 12 hours ago
    [–] 2 points 10 hours ago

    I thought she was into that

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