you're valid, your feelings are valid, your desires are valid!

i'm honestly kinda iffy on having breasts. i don't think there's a right way to do this. do whatever leads to more euphoria and less dysphoria.

i think the whole comparing one's self to others is just something that's part of our neoliberal individualist culture. we're subtly and sometimes unsubtly trained to do it from youth. don't beat yourself up about it.

I don't intend to get bottom surgery either, but that doesn't make me less of a woman and it doesn't make you less of one either, girlie. You're not disgusting in any way shape or form.

It is perfectly fine if you don't want a surgery, you will remain valid as a woman, no less.

You are not alone and I am sure lot of people here actually do fine without surgery.

As far as I can tell, I repeat, you are valid. Your body your choices. No one will ever have the right to make you feel bad because your body do not fit their standards.

this is very relatable tbh, i occasionally find myself doing things i don't really feel the need to do simply to feel trans enough, even though nobody is saying i need to do them in order to be valid. recognizing the brainworms and figuring out how to ignore them is hard work :(
but very rewarding when you figure it out :)

I also just wish I knew other trans women like me.

is this not pretty much the norm? i recall seeing some pretty big transfem survey which showed that trans women who wanted bottom surgery were solidly in the minority, and anecdotally that seems to align with my experience irl - most of the girls i've chatted with (about this topic specifically) are perfectly happy with their current equipment.

I can absolutely relate. The dominant cissexism within our society (which we’ve all internalized, to some degree) has told us you’re only valid as a trans woman if you’re “pre-op” or “post-op” which is super alienating to those of us who aren’t either. I’m happy for folks that get the surgery they need, absolutely, but I have definitely felt like I’m wrong for not having bottom dysphoria.

You’re not a poser, you are a woman, and your anatomy does not contradict that. Girldick is a blessing on this earth.

youre no less of a woman just because you dont want surgery. I'm still on the fence myself too, considering how big of a dicision it is.

your hardware doesn't define who you are 🩷

Here's the thing about being trans. You're exposed to transphobia since the first time you ever hear about trans people, often long before you understand yourself. And that transphobia impacts us all. We all internalise it to some extent, and undoing it is the work of a lifetime. Simply recognising it isn't enough to make it go away, there is still a journey you need to go through.

One of the consequences of that is most of us find some way of invalidating ourselves. Some way we don't fit the "ideal trans person" narrative, and instead of simply noting it with interest, we flagellate ourselves over it.

For me, it was femininity. I've never been feminine, I have no draw to it, no sense of connection to it, or a desire to express it that was denied to me. To me, it just felt like something I could fake if needed, just like masculinity. And then I look at all of the trans women around me, revelling in their femininity, talking about their experiences when they were younger and were looking for ways to express it etc, and here I was, with none of that. It made me wonder what was wrong with me for a long time.

You can get through it though, I promise. The point of transitioning is to live life on your own terms, and if you're doing that, you're doing it right, and your brain worms will catch up eventually :)

A question, are You sure, You did not mess between "I don't want" and "I want but have priorities"?

All problems of surgery You wrote, cost, insurance, house, recovery, quality of surgery - it's all matter of money. Or more, matter of priorities where to invest money You have/get. Priorities.

As for me, I wish to have it, maybe over time, oh I barely started hrt and theres lot lot lot other stuff on my todo list.

If that may help, I also have many near-to-impossible things on my todo list, I'd like to earn million € on my bank account, in a legal way if possible... yet I know the chances for that, well, yeah. But I have this on my todo list, some bottom of the list. Then, I do accept that I may never finish the list. My bottom is not on top of the list, probably not even in the middle part, but it is there. I will probably live without being a millionaire and probably without bottom, and without many other wishes done.

Don't be sad of not getting EVERYTHING. Be happy with ALL You get, with all prios You choose.