this is very relatable tbh, i occasionally find myself doing things i don't really feel the need to do simply to feel trans enough, even though nobody is saying i need to do them in order to be valid. recognizing the brainworms and figuring out how to ignore them is hard work :(
but very rewarding when you figure it out :)

I also just wish I knew other trans women like me.

is this not pretty much the norm? i recall seeing some pretty big transfem survey which showed that trans women who wanted bottom surgery were solidly in the minority, and anecdotally that seems to align with my experience irl - most of the girls i've chatted with (about this topic specifically) are perfectly happy with their current equipment.