A fifty-one year old senior citizen at that.

Who among us hasn't had thoughts of koi fish when in the throws of a dry spell?

The man may or mat not have been sex-starved, but the koi fish was definitely hapless. They got that part right.

If it gets me a discount, I'm fine with it. It's just words.

Since they got old /s (since before the average lifespan of people increased in some parts of the world)

Better then ‘waking up to horse head.’

I'm almost certain there's a scene in the 1998 film, Mafia!, where a similar joke is made, but that phrase is so tied to The Godfather, that search engines only seem to want to throw that movie in my face, even with "-Godfather" in the query. 🤦🏿‍♀️

You're not the only one, everyone is just being coy about it.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that fish wasn't having a happy time.

Ha good one

I came here to ask "how??"

I now understand how.

Totally shouldn’t have worn that outfit lol

You have absolutely zero way to know that. He might have been fucking fish for decades. Or today literally might have been the day.

Unless you're in someones head, you have zero way to know how someone thinks.

I'm not defending nor attacking the fish fucker. I'm just saying you are making claims you have no way to know.

I was but a boy of 12 when I first noticed her; a sleek and scaly body breaking the water's surface in my grandfather's pond. Everything changed that day. Gracefully darting and turning with such a distinctly feminine wile, she was... different from the other girls. Different like me. I was sure that she was watching me, just as I was watching her. Could she also be thinking, "is this love?"

Who knows? Was he born fucking fish? Pretty sure it had to start some time in particular

They're definitely not throwing him in the tank.

Right? I'm 12 years from there, and I'll have to work another 19 years after that to retire. May as well just call it quits now.

Right? Did he specifically hate and want to defile these fish? Or traumatize this neighbor? Or did he somehow get genes that just make him super horny for fish?

Oral sex is sex, right Mr. Clinton?

That's a pretty bullshit definition. Without going into details because this is isn't pornhub, there are sex acts that involve only one set of genitals.

If you're being pedantic about it, sure, but I, for one, appreciate the euphemism given the alternative sentence "man uses koi carp as living fleshlight".