I feel like a whole generation of kids are missing out on positive male role models.

Step up, and pass on the good vibes and knowledge

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[–] 43 points 6 months ago

My father didn't bother in my life til I was 25. My stepda , the first one, was an abusive piece of shit. A neighbour guy took it on himself to be a father figure for me,and damn he did good. Second person I came out too. His reaction? Tears, a hug, and dinner. Damn I miss him.

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  • [–] 53 points 6 months ago (9 children)

    I'm more of the "this is an example of what not to do/be" kind of role model

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  • [–] 12 points 6 months ago (7 children)
  • [–] 28 points 6 months ago (6 children)
    • I have basically no self-esteem or self-respect
    • I see very few if any redeeming qualities in myself
    • I don't like who I am or what my life is

    But in addition to that, I find myself unwilling or unable to make changes that might improve anything I listed above. I wouldn't recommend being or living like me to anyone, therefore I would be a very poor role model.

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  • [–] 8 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    It turns out that one of the symptoms of depression is not having the tools to deal with your symptoms of depression.

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago

    That's why I'm grateful that my mom stuck me in therapy when I was 9 after the divorce, and again after the ADHD diagnosis.

    My wife has almost the same upbringing and mental issues, but never saw a therapist until college, so she has almost no healthy coping tools.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago

    I bet there's something you're good at, or even just okay at, that you might be good at teaching to someone who isn't good at it.

    I have periods when I go into a slump and I feel like how you described. I'm definitely not a role model, my life is falling to bits, and I'm a failure at life, as a certain family member likes to keep reminding me. But the fact that my nephew comes to me when he's got a problem shows I do have something to offer. I bet there's something you can offer someone, even if you might not have the mental energy right now.

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  • [–] 14 points 6 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 19 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    No, with knives. He's going to throw the boy in there and tell him to catch a fish with the knife in his mouth, then stab it. He's only allowed to come out of the water with a stabbed fish, just like his own father used to do. Then they'll take turns stabbing the fish with their matching knives. It's a true bonding experience...unless the boy doesn't catch a fish. Then it's time to teach him about the belt, just like his own father used to do.

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  • [–] 13 points 6 months ago
    [–] 6 points 6 months ago

    That's awesome.. It looks just like the park I used to take my exes kid to to fish in new Mexico

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  • [–] 17 points 6 months ago (7 children)

    And to fill the void they turn to the manosphere. It's heartbreaking.

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  • [+] 3 points 6 months ago (4 children)
  • [–] 9 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    The Manosphere cooked up this bullshit “this generation missed out on real men” post in the first place

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    I was in foster care. My mom was a druggie alcoholic.

    Now, I have 5 kids: 2 girls, and 3 boys.

    My oldest, a girl, needed my help. I gave her life advice her mom wouldn't. My second oldest - a girl - I helped transition. My third, I help him pick dresses and skirts, because he gets embarrassed around his mom. My fourth, we learned our own sign language when he was younger, as he was nonverbal autistic until he was 6. My fifth, his mom and I help him daily though leukemia.

    I guess it would be better without me helping them.

    Your an ass. Male role models can help, like female role models. My help is different from my wife's, but it in no way diminishes her contributions.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago

    That's a real literal interpretation. Lack of healthy male role models in a boy's life can easily lead to manosphere content. Just look around.

    I couldn't teach a boy to fish but I was lucky to have good role models (men and women born shaped me of course).

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  • [+] 25 points 6 months ago (23 children)
  • [–] 9 points 6 months ago

    Just taking this one example under consideration, maybe the boy has expressed interest in fishing, and the mom knows that this neighbor is into fishing, and she emphatically isn't, and she feels like her son might benefit from that kind of bonding experience.

    From a more broad-based perspective, it doesn't have to be a gendered conversation, but for a lot of young people, they look to adults for guidance and for ways to understand and express their gender, and it's healthy and helpful to have an adult that they can pattern their own gender expression off of. I didn't have a lot of present male role models as a young boy, and so I found myself reading and watching a lot of science fiction and asking myself "Is this the kind of thing that Captain Picard would do?" It wasn't a perfect replacement by a long shot, but it was something, and it was something that I didn't even fully realize I was looking for until I went back and looked at my own developing sense of what it was to be a man, much later in adulthood.

    Can a child learn healthy gender expression from an adult of any given gender? I don't know, maybe. But I do know that as a boy, I really wanted an adult man to help me construct my own identity, and I went looking for one, without even fully knowing what I was doing or why.

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  • [–] 18 points 6 months ago (4 children)

    Was raised with divorced parents, seeing my father only occasionally. I can see ways it's fucked me up - lacking confidence, typical "male" skills and I often had to face singular point of view of life when growing up. I didn't "feel" it making damage, because it didn't do that much - but I lost a lot of growth I'd otherwise had.

    Also have female friend who had similiar situation and, at the same time, similiar outcome.

    Children need both parents, simple as. Not only is raising a kid by yourself a horror for parent, it's also not enough for a child. Doesn't mean it will produce a psychopath or emotional wreck, but it will show up repeatedly after growing up, if done well only in small ways, but if not...welp.

    And again, it's not about just lacking a father - IMO, both parental figures are needed.

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  • [–] 20 points 6 months ago* (3 children)

    I feel like what a child needs is some sort of close-knit community to interact with daily, not just parents. It could be the extended family, it could be the neighbors, etc. This is how children grew up for most of the history of our species, hell, I'd guess most mothers throughout history didn't know who the father is at all. The idea that a child is raised exclusively by the parents is an extremely novel invention forced upon us by western individualist culture.

    Genders or "parental figures" don't actually matter here, what matters is interacting with different people, forming personal relationships with them and learning from their positive traits and behaviors.

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  • [–] 8 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    Had that and from personal experience, it didn't work. I perceived them as just that - extended family, not really someone I'd trust like a parent. I learned from them but it wasn't...dunno, personal?

    But other than that, I fully agree that children need more than just parents.

    I do not agree that parental figures don't matter. There is a bond between parents and children that is simply special - however, parents don't have to be bio parents. Insert screenshot from the post, where one of kid's parental figures got filled in by an "outsider".

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  • [–] 6 points 6 months ago

    I do not agree that parental figures don’t matter. There is a bond between parents and children that is simply special - however, parents don’t have to be bio parents. Insert screenshot from the post, where one of kid’s parental figures got filled in by an “outsider”.

    Ok, I think I phrased it the wrong way. I don't think it's necessary for a child to have exactly two parents of opposite genders. I think a much healthier way to be brought up is to be parented by a diverse group of people (maybe 5-10), each with their own identities, interests, and skills to learn from.

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago

    Parents are key in bringing other trustworthy adults in their kids life. Not having a father or a mother will greatly reduce these opportunities as the life of a single parent is significantly harder and leave less time for socializing with other parents, thus reducing the interactions their kids have with other adults.

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago

    Humans naturally try to mimic other people that are like them in their environment. Can boys become happy and decent humans without a male role model? Absolutely.

    However, lots of studies have shown that a lack of good same sex role model usually have a negative impact on young people that lasts into adulthood.

    And let's be real, fathers abandon their children a lot more than mothers, so that affects young boys a lot more than young girls.

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  • [–] 16 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    That one isn't a "yank obsession". Fathers are important, as are mothers, and any child growing up with only one of them is going to have things they miss-out on.

    BTW I'm not passing any judgement on single sex couples adopting, or any other shape of loving family. I don't know any data on what the outcomes are like, but I'm sure the most important thing is the love and support the child gets.

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago

    Your two paragraphs are diametrically opposed, and your second one is basically agreeing with the overall sentiment of the person you replied to - the percieved gender of the activity or role model doesn't matter, it's about the love and support shown for the child.

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago

    I understand what you are saying. There is often a sport role that everyone assumes dads and sons do too.

    But part of that is even though we have moved past fixed gender roles our society still has age old things that are going to take time to blend out. For example my dad is a repair/fixit /hunting/fishing /sports guy from that gendered era. As a kid I really disliked team sports, so wed go fishing.. Just quality time and quiet reflection.

    My mom was art and books, and baking. We had lots of intellectual discussions growing up...about morality, ethics etc. Quality time with my mom was her showing me how to sew, or sharing art.

    The male role model, is showing positive influence...rather than negative toxic violence or fist fighting, etc. So that can still be hanging out fishing with a man...it doesn't have to be hangingout with dad and knitting.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 months ago

    Yo, also: “a whole generation is missing their fathers and growing up without them”

    Why are they trying to prime culture with this “be a dad to everyone, especially the kids without a dad” thing? When clearly most kids have dads in the picture?

    Almost like they’re going to die in a war or something.

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  • [–] [S] -2 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    Who are you calling yank, you tea slurping, vegamite licking heathen?

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  • [+] -6 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    Even elephants benefit from having older bull elephants around to teach and temper them. Just as his neighbour can't teach him how to do makeup, his mom can't teach him how to fix a truck. Both are very unlikely to have the proper experiences for it.

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  • [–] 1 point 6 months ago (1 child)

    Alright, but let's say they do have the proper experiences for it. Surely the gender of the teacher doesn't affect what subjects they can teach about, if they truly are qualified in that subject, right?

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  • [–] 4 points 6 months ago (1 child)

    This stuff is why I want to get back into the scouts as an adult. The wife and I both have genetic issues, so kids aren't in the future unless we stumble upon a teenager that needs someone to actually give a fuck about them.

    I have a ton of outdoorsman knowledge and skills and no one to pass it down to, which makes me sad. But I'm hesitant to join an organization for kids without any of my own because of the BSAs past controversy.

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  • [+] -8 points 6 months ago (9 children)

    Fishing is a good acid test of how far down the value of animal lives are in almost everyone's minds. Here we have an activity that's almost universally seen as something wholesome, when really it's just a form of super casual, lowkey animal abuse.

    Plenty of other nice things to spend time doing on the water, like swimming or kayaking.

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  • [–] 22 points 6 months ago (5 children)

    What, you don’t like the thrilling pastime of… *checks notes* waiting, but with occasional cruelty?

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  • [–] 5 points 6 months ago (4 children)

    Exactly.

    But also, kayaking is awesome. Like even from a purely recreational perspective, why do so many choose to fish when they could be kayaking?

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  • [–] 3 points 6 months ago (3 children)

    Why choose? I often fish from a kayak, even hunt ducks and geese on the water in one.

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  • [–] -1 points 6 months ago (2 children)

    Because all of those animals just want to live their lives, and there is no good reason to take that away.

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