tl;dr

You know the lady who was in charge of ICE? She shot her dog in the head and bragged about it in her psychotic autobiography.

Apparently her husband has a bimboification fetish. She didn't know about it until after it showed up on the news.

A Daily Mail investigation published on Tuesday, March 31, reportedly uncovered online messages and photos of Bryon, 56, participating in online fetish forums. The photos, some of which include Bryon's face, show the former first gentleman of South Dakota dressed in pink hot pants and massive fake breasts apparently made of balloons.

He also reportedly paid at least $25,000 to chat with online fetish models in the "bimbofication scene," which fetishizes performers who turn themselves into real-life dolls by using silicone injections and surgical enhancements.

DM reported that the messages show Bryon praising the models and stating that he loves "huge, huge ridiculous boobs." He also reportedly alluded to his marriage to the high-ranking government official.

In a statement shared with the New York Post on Tuesday, a representative for Kristi said, “Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time."

Unsubstantiated rumor mill gossip from a highly disreputable "news" organization. Not saying it's not true or that he's not a weirdo, I mean he's married to a literal demon so we know his judgement ain't great. Just, y'know, consider the source (the Daily Mail). The entire state of South Dakota has seen their divorce coming for a long, long time, some there speculate this is something she put out in order to kickstart the process so she and Corey Lewandowski can finally go public with their relationship. And their untrained pet-murdering business.

Everybody save this image. Take it to staples, and have them print out 200 copies.

Now put them in a box. And wait 2 years.

Now put them on telephone poles all over your city. C'mon. If we all do it on the same day, without context, across the country, we could REALLY confuse a LOT of people!

I sent that photo (sans captions) to my wife and son one day, when they weren't picking up my calls. I got a call back within 30 seconds of hitting send.

Anything can be boobs if said with the right emphasis and gestures.

Okay, but what are toots?

Are toots feet?

Yeah, that wasn't a coincidence.

My head cannon is this is his revenge for the flying love nest she took some other guy on "work trips" in

He has a fetish. Not even that weird of a fetish, for sane people. Unfortunately, his wife is neither sane nor is she people.

His name was Robert Paulson

this did it for me as well. Like, genuine constructive criticism tucked in that unabashed praise

Bosom* even.

Maybe if R Lee and the Janitor from Scrubs had a baby

I was getting more J.K. Simmons vibes. (Plus, IDK, maybe Dolly Parton? for obvious reasons.)

But it's really just the weird lighting angle in that picture; he doesn't look all that much like either Ermey or Simmons in "normal" image search results of him.

His wife hurt a bunch of people and shot a dog.