Yeah, I don't really like other people's kids that much. I don't really like anyone quite the way I like my own kids either. But I don't besmirch anyone not having kids, I respect the decision. I don't want people having kids they don't want. I also know that I wanted kids, but after having them, and as they've grown, I realize I didn't quite understand it. But hey, this is life.

An adopted girl I knew would say "your parents were stuck with you, but my parents chose me!"

You don't know where they came from.

But you have a better idea of who they are than when you make new ones from scratch

in 2016, there was a group in Spain that first looked longitudinally at moms who were recruited before becoming pregnant and then scanned for a second time a few months after the birth of an infant. What they found is going to sound like a bad joke, but it’s actually we think a good thing, which is the brain got smaller. So it lost some gray matter volume between that first preconception time point and the postpartum scan.

It's official folks, having kids makes you an idiot :D

I can buy this. I knew 100% I could raise a kid. I was fairly certainly I wanted children. We had my first kid, and I got more certain. Only as I had a second and they've grown older and I watch them develop and become people do I realize it was the right decision. I don't think you can know it's the right decision until it's done.

And the inverse (maybe not inverse) is true too, with people who knew they wanted to have kids, only to discover they were wrong.

Life's complicated for sure. That's it. I wanted to put a but, but there's no but. This is not a decision that has a clear right and wrong to it. It's a thing. There's 8 billion of us here, so it's not some special thing, even though it is.

Totally. It seems weirdly limiting to say 'I will never want children'. People change. I'm not saying that people who don't want them now will want them later, but it seems odd to speak with certainty about it.

I've never wanted a tattoo. Low-key find them a bit silly. At 48 it's doubtful I'll change my mind, but you never know. I might hit 60 and develop an interest in them. Unlikely, but who knows.

I planned my kids and still can't wait to get some of my freedom back. Both can be true.

No amount of babysitting or exposition can truly show you show how relentless having kids is. Timing and planning will help alleviate that. But you are still one flu away from two weeks of hell. And that's when your kids are healthy.

I think not having kids requires similar efforts of planning/thinking it through - just in a different way. Here's an example that really made me thing about it: My friends neighbor are a childless elderly couple. The wife has dementia of some sort. Things have rapidly escalated - and the husband is not able to care for her or make decisions rapidly enough to keep them both cared for. My friend regularly has to intervene or help (she does not want to). She is also childless and genuinely surprised at the amount of care an elderly couple needs from outside just with day to day stuff. Having kids does not guarantee you won't fall into this situation. But I don't think people realize how much support the elderly need - and that it is most often provided by family members. I understand in an ideal world we would care for the elderly differently, but this is our reality today. So not having kids comes with a price down the road.

I also think the number of parents who actually regret having kids is smaller than you think. But to be fair, parenting is tough. My kid once pooped in an actual fan. So there are moments that even I wish didn't happen.

In all cases, neither side is right or wrong. And I think we should have more empathy for folks - even if they chose a path we would not.

sound advice, I'll keep that in mind.

Is it likely that someone would not want to be a banker in their 20s and change their mind in their 30s?

I didn't want kids in my 20s. Got them in my late 30s. Best decision ever. Your mileage may vary.

We are not genetically wired to be bankers. Though I'm not sure there is anything equivalent to compare properly.

It doesn’t make the point to the other person so it’s not a good comeback

That’s the entire point, is to demonstrate to them their own fallacious reasoning yet all you’ve done is come across like a dumb dumb that thinks having kids is somehow equivalent to becoming a banker

There's no genetic drive to be a banker in anyone. There is a drive to have children in some people, and that drive may not manifest for a while. At the same time, having a kid in your fifties is difficult in a way which retraining is not.

So it's not a good comparison. Just reply "I'm pretty confident, and having a child I don't think I want would be an insane thing to do and the only alternative".