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[–] 85 points 10 months ago (8 children)

Eat beets.
Forget you ate beets.
Peek.
Slightly panic for the fraction of a second before you remember you ate beets.

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  • [–] 37 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I remember crying on the toilet for at least 30 minutes when I was a kid. My pee was red-ish, my poop was red. I thought I was bleeding from everywhere.

    My father finally got out from me why I was crying for so long, and explained that, yes, it is indeed related to the 2 jars of pickled beets I ate.

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  • [–] 11 points 10 months ago

    same thing but it was black because of the licorice-flavored icecream at a tourist shop. someday i want to go back and try the other flavors: i suspect they're all like that and this is part of the novelty.

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  • [–] 10 points 10 months ago

    I recently had a short illness that involved my body thoroughly purging anything I put inside of it without much change to the content. (I'm mostly better now.)

    At one point my wife made me a 32oz smoothie in the hopes that it would provide me with some nutrients. It was visually very dark. I consumed and enjoyed it, then fell asleep and forgot about it.

    A few hours later, I ran to the bathroom with great urgency and was very alarmed until I remembered the smoothie.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago

    The daycare called me at work freaking out and asking me to come get my daughter and get her to the doctor because she was pissing red. Turns out they had been feeding her beetroot.

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  • [–] 38 points 10 months ago* (15 children)

    Vitamin B12 turns your pee vivid neon yellow if your body doesn't absorb it. I pour nooch (Nutritional yeast, savory substitute for dry crumbly cheeses) on like every other thing I eat, and it's pretty much the most B12-dense food there is, so my pee is often like comic book bright yellow.

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (5 children)

    nooch

    Is that an actual slang term for nutritional yeast? I'm struggling to think of a less appetizing word.

    Then again, I can see myself letting out a dumb little laugh while saying "I'm nooching my corn", so maybe it's actually brilliant.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (3 children)

    uh, ooo. are there different or better brands of nooch because i am constantly b12 deficient (i am missing some parts) and eating something that tastes like cheese every day? fuck i'll put this on my popcorn.

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    I get Bragg's brand, comes in a 4.5oz plastic shaker like parmesan cheese, usually sold near the spices in US supermarkets. It's perfect for popcorn, though my favorite is putting it on pasta w tomato sauce.

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  • [–] 20 points 10 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 16 points 10 months ago*

    I was on a backpacking trip around the age of 17, multi-day thing. They had packets of some kind of electrolyte drink in some of the dehydrated meals. It was bright green colored. Everyone who ate that meal packet that night had pee in the range of 'wat' to 'wwwat?', followed by a poop with a distinct segment in the 'wat' range.

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  • [–] 16 points 10 months ago* (1 child)

    I picked up an off-brand energy drink that was neon red at some random convenience store once at 3 in the morning, and the next time I took a leak my pee was lime green. After that, perfectly fine. Never got an explanation lol

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  • [–] 15 points 10 months ago (6 children)

    Purple in a catheter bag is totally a thing btw, and considered benign.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 months ago (5 children)

    What if it’s not in a catheter bags?

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  • [–] 15 points 10 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (2 children)

    It’s on the floor and the mops dissolving. Please advise. It’s acid plutonium. We took plutonium and made it an acid. Then I drank it. Then I peed in the corner near those steam pipes.

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago (1 child)

    Okay, you're looking at heavy metal poisoning. That is, if your body was even capable of absorbing whatever molecule you made. Unless you were lazy and just dissolved the plutonium in an acid, like an aqua regia. But drinking aqua regia is a fast way to die, so that means you did some plutonium chemistry. Which is completely doable. It's an element with chemical properties, just like any other.

    As for the radioactivity, that depends on the isotope. Pu-236 and Pu-238 would be instant death. Pu-239, would be uncomfortably warm in your gut, but might be survivable in minute amounts.

    Survivability would actually go up from there, except with Pu-241 which is instant death again. But Pu-244 would be the one I'd take if forced at gunpoint. A half life of 80 million years is not great, but it's the best plutonium can do.

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  • [–] 1 point 10 months ago

    What’s funny is when I was writing that joke I thought about say “dissolved in acid” but decided it would be far more ridiculous to say “made it an acid”.

    I’m no chemist but I’m pretty sure acids are a combination of different elements. Nope this is pure plutonium turned into an acid (for the lore of joke obviously this didn’t happen)

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  • [–] 14 points 10 months ago (4 children)

    Lower right quadrant is "stop eating so much asparagus"!

    Lower left could also be "stop drinking so much carrot juice"! But that might just be a skin color thing.

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago

    I had beets 😋

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  • [–] 8 points 10 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 7 points 10 months ago* (3 children)

    I pee out these.

    The cleanup is very practical.

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  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

    If you pee on the PH test and it comes up blue, you need an antibiotic, if it comes up, orange, ruh-roh. If you are a cat I mean.... Our cat has had a UTI and can't seem to shake it. Stupid amoxicillin and whatever else hasn't been able to fully get rid of it

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  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago

    more urine?

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  • [–] 6 points 10 months ago

    I don’t see the color of altitude sickness. Kind of a Pantone 19-1106 TCX Molé.

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  • [–] 5 points 10 months ago

    Clearly, the hydro homies didn't arrive on lemmy yet

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  • [–] 4 points 10 months ago* (3 children)

    somebody remind me to find the pee color by meds chart on my laptop when I get back home in the morning.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago

    Just going to leave this here

    Dr Glocken Flecken (Critical Care Opthamologist)

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago

    Cheers to the orange bros!

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  • [–] 3 points 10 months ago

    Saint Patrick's day beer

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  • [–] 2 points 10 months ago

    green is asparagus if i remember right

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