Just perfect.

I hope he's lucid enough to know what's going on. It would be a great way for him to go out, knowing his party is in a shambles.

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” said the Kentucky Senator, presumably lost in thought at the magnitude of the Republicans’ defeat.

Absolutely vicious!

I wonder if Republicans will finally (and coincidentally) discover that he's "died."

Hot stock tip: formaldehyde

He looks so happy!

I hate to break it to you guys but it looks like he's happily shitting his pants. He'll die soon but someone is cleaning up his mess.

The Onion is just...good at this, aren't they?

Actually what's up update on him?

Maybe he will be finally allowed to rot in peace?

Bro looks like someone destroyed his phylactery.

no for real can they make his people prove he's... not animatronic? like fuck

This is fucking great

did he have a stroke?

well, duh. you gotta pull the string.

He's speechless after a bowel movement too the old cadaver.

To be fair, he's speechless anyway because he's basically brain dead. They're probably pumping him with so many chemicals to keep him from keeling over at this point.

Why are we paying an obviously impaired stroke victim to do absolutely nothing?

Maybe the Republicans are saving him for a Presidential run, but he is a little young for that.

Robot wearing a human skin, FNAF was not supposed to be an instruction manual.

My only legitimate lol today from this. Thanks onion!

You gotta hand it to him for being consistent

Headline of the Year

He was speechless before, it's just he's also speechless after.

Absolutely shameful he won't give a statement on this. He now has a democrat coworker now in Alexander Hamilton or whatever the guy's name was and this turtle man won't comment on it?

So as it turns out McConnell is the senator for KENTUCKY, not Kansas. Doesn't matter, he doesn't know either.