In abusive relationships, abusive partners often apologize but are unwilling to make changes or behave differently. We see them using “sorry” as a child might; to make the situation okay without facing the consequences of their choices. We even hear abusers using apologies to manipulate their partners and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Some common phrases abusers may use include, “I’m sorry I hurt you, but you shouldn’t have gotten me so angry,” or “I didn’t see healthy relationships growing up and don’t know what to do, I’m sorry.” While this may sound like an apology, it places the blame elsewhere instead of on the abuser’s choice.

Research and outcomes of partnerships in various contexts, including intimate partnerships, have shown these self-centered approaches do not drive collaboration, a core factor in healthy partnerships. Only when an abusive partner takes accountability for their actions and begins steps to prevent the behavior in the future (I.e., battering or counseling focused on changing the abusive mindset) can they begin to make amends.

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-if-my-abusive-partner-apologizes/