Works very well with a Scottish accent

I always heard it with "dam fish", as in a fish caught in the lake behind a dam, with the punchline being "You fuckers are alright". But this reminds me of a different joke:

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and describing a typical mission.

"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of fuckers. There were about 20 of these fuckers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the fucker down. Then one was on my tail and I couldn't shake the fucker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the fuckers..."

The teacher interrupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of fighter airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."

"That's true" he said, "but these fuckers were flying Messerschmitts."

Thank you.

Respectfully, this feels like you trying to force a wise interpretation out of a weird thing he did once. Like, he cursed a tree and it died. People pointed it out, and he explained HOW he did it, as if that was the lesson to be learned. When asked WHY he did it, he refused to answer because of some metaphysical bullshit.

To me, "his disciples heard him say it" rings of "I'm not making this shit up. Ask Luke if you don't believe me."

Well, in a sense, there is one section where he does sort of hate figs:

12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. -- Mark 11:12-14

Of course hating a fig tree for not having figs, espeically out of season, is a very superficial reading. Later it is explained as an illustrative spiritual lesson. What is the purpose/telos of a fig tree? To produce good fruit, which feeds the people. This is why fig trees are cultivated. At any moment, at any time, the "master" (God, fate, opportunity) may arrive, expecting to harvest what you have produced. If you have produced no "good fruit" in your life, you may wind up never getting the chance to flower ever again.

I suppose this lesson is a sort of reality check along the lines of the "to those who have much, more will be given; to those who have little, even that will be taken away" lessons. One who does good, produces lots of goodness by the workings of their life, will flower and blossom long and well. Those who produce rotten works, no good works, or a minuscule amount of "fruit" will only wither further. This tree, when called on, failed the test, and was thus cursed. We can read into this a lot about our own lives. Someday "Jesus" (death, judgement, the end, history, or Jesus himself if you believe it) will come for all of us. How will we account for what we've done? What will our legacy be once we have no more power to change, alter, or affect it? Will we be remembered as a tree that produced shade and fruit for the people in our lives, or as a scraggly old stump that sat there and did nothing but get in the way?

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Pork’s back in the table!

With no children the monks and priests had no heirs to inherit their property and valuables. So when they died the church would claim it all.

Real estate? I don't understand.

There's no law for priests to be celibate either. There were popes that had children. It's because of greed for real estate.

Alternate punch line: "It says figs."

(The Bible never uses the anti-gay slur that begins with an "F". Still, it's funny; there's a meme of Jesus saying something like "Sheesh, guys, I said I hated figs.")

I didn't invent the joke, but I did write my retelling. If you're going to be a pedant, you need to be correct, or you'll end up with three melons you don't need.

Now hold on, it's definitely not written by AI but I've seen this joke (or something very close to it) years and years ago. Retelling jokes is an art in itself that I certainly appreciate, but it doesn't constitute writing them!

I will grant you that this is a good retelling of this one :)

I specifically look for the "x for y" deals because in my experience, most of the times the fine print specifies that the individual price is also discounted, so no need to buy more just to "save."

My uncle did this as a kid in alaska in the 60s, sell cups of lemonade 1 for a dime 2 for a quarter.

I wouldn't go that far, but it's an unfunny, derivative joke written by a human.

Not just 3 either, but multiples of 3. It even misleads some people into thinking they have to buy 3 for the "deal", since some other stores really do the "$x when you buy y" thing.

Over the last decade or so, I've seen stores really pushing buy one get one half-off, BOGOHO, which is of course just "25% off when you buy 2". It's riding the coattails of BOGO and overall is usually a pretty mediocre sale.

Edit: I've also seen BTGO cropping up, which is of course "33% off when you buy 3".

Don't worry, OP. The joke was funny and creative.

This actually works and it's explored by supermarkets all the time, just maybe to so egregiously.

"3 for £5" is a suggestion to the customer to buy three: which actually works on enough people. It's similar to "limit X per person" which implies scarcity and suggests a quantity.

Humor is subjective and even if reading this post doesn't make you laugh, there's probably a way to deliver it that might be more successful. Some of my favorites are more likely to get an eye-roll or a groan but I think they still meet the definition.

How fucking dare you. I wrote this myself, thank you very much.

The joke is that he sold three melons, so the promotion works.

Probably written by AI.

He got conned into buying three melons when he didn't need them

wheres the joke though

That's what he calls his penis

Why not The Milky American?