it’s not because i like it or anything
B-baka
I said identical qualifications. The only thing Candace Owens is qualified to do is pull up ladders. Strong. Forearms.
Now, I'm not going to say that I distrust white people. I will say that, give a choice between an old white man and a middle-aged black woman with the identical qualifications, I'm picking the middle-aged black woman 10 times out of 10.
Yo, same
I had to do a double-take to make sure you weren't them as well.
It's generally poor form to prescribe yourself medication. Some call it taking liberties. Others a fireable offense. I just call it cool as hell
Fuck yourself (upvote)
Our spice rack is pretty good. It looks a bit like this, but deeper, with rounded seatbelts for every container. (I don't post any pictures of mine on the internet as I piss many people off, forgive me)
I mean, trans women are women. But they probably didn't
Don't mess with gas prices or people get upset. Or Texas, I guess
Voting is gay. I say, while adding the gayest accents to my kitchen this evening after casting my ballot last week.
KEEP VOTING GAY
Expectation were dashed, the hero's bravado was dysfunction from watching too much anime, rather than actually understanding what they were doing. I genuinely don't watch enough cartoons to know this term, but someone elsewhere described it as something like "chunibiyoshi"?
A large man grasps the shoulder of a smaller person, confidently announcing "Don't worry, the PROS are here now.
He broadens his shoulders and places his hands on his hips. "I might need 10% of my power for this fight" he says, staring down a shadowy lizard-man in the distance.
The would-hero has been torn apart, blood pouring from every orifice and several fresh punctures. The smaller character places their hands on their face in shock and begins weeping.
"Now that the socially inept weaboo can't save me, who will?"
A plain man asks, "what do you mean you're too tired to hang out? How tired are you?"
The question hangs in the air as we pan over to another character dressed in long, flowing nightclothes, including a nightcap and a lit, handheld candle. The picture of coziness.
"Well I got my sleep fit on, so..." they reply.
"Damn" they start, "you're going to sleep so good."
A man approaches a kfc. "Damn, I really gotta go in there huh" he laments.
The restaurant is littered with insects and bodies in torment. A slumped corpse sits beside the door, with an impaled torso across from it. A fly eaten, desicated head sits in the foreground along with an individual actively being flayed, their skin peeling down to their feet as hooks greedily tug at their face. As he breaches the entrance, he immediately looses his disgust, yelling "DAMN! YALL REALLY SELLING CHICKEN LIKE THIS?"
He heads to the counter where the devil waits. Concerned, he asks "hey man, what can I get here that's not dirty?" "Bottled water" the devil replies.
They sag their shoulders and a crease their brow as they get their water. "Fuckin' Dasani?"
A dour man looks down and sighs "man, I need to do something about this year.
Two rats appear before him.
His eyes shine with excitement.
He plucks up the rats and hoists them toward his mouth as a fascinated onlooker closes in. "holy shit no fucking way. Eat..two..rats.. EAT TWO RATS!" The spectator chants, pumping his arms.
A crowd forms around the man as he lowers the rats into his mouth. "EAT TWO RATS. EAT TWO RATS" they repeat in unison.
The ground splits open as a stony mass rises from below.
A shrieking horned skeleton pierces up through the earth and spins flesh onto its exposed bones in a horrific, meticulous spectacle of warping gore
The form of the devil rises from the pit, points, and joins the chant. "EAT TWO RATS"
Florkofcows.com
A young man wearing a backwards cap busts into a party and announces "HEY LADIES FERTILE FREDDY IS IN THE HOUSE!"
His incredulous friend grasps his shoulders and quickly pulls him aside, saying "freddy dude you can't go around introducing yourself as "fertile freddy""
Freddy begins to reply "But the internet said if-"
"THE INTERNET DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND" he interjects.
Florkofcows.com
Florkofcows.com
Florkofcows.com
A nondescript man says to the audience "the best thing we ever did for our town is putting someone with a storm fetish in our emergency alert center"
Sat at a desk, wearing a headset and reading from a monitor, a character whispers to themselves "oh fuck a storm"
They begin quivering and biting their lip. "Category 5!?"
Outside, a speaker blares "uuuuuuuuuuuooooooh" in the storm fetishist's voice.
Florkofcows.com
Two man stand and converse, one holding a dog and the other alone. The one without a dog says "I mean it's a cool dog but I was hoping for a borzoi." The other quickly replies "oh shit, right. Hold on one second man."
A paint tool stretches the dog horizontally.
A paint tool stretches the dog's legs vertically. It now resembles a greyhound with the head of an anteater.
The dogless man smiles and confirms "THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT MAN"
Florkofcows.com
Florkofcows.com
view more:
next ›