If it feels weird reading the headline, just imagine me writing it. There is a reason why I truly feel that being lonely can be positive, but I let you decide that after readinf further.

This halloween, I did not leave the house. My body was drained from the new job, money is still a little tight. I crave connection, I crave touch and that would have been a good chance to quench these needs, but I could not manage. So bed it was, the entire day.

I cried a lot, it helped a bit. Because... I enjoy the feeling of my mind telling me so clearly what is missing and the fact that I WANT to be with others is the fuel for my tear striken smile in a dark room that no one has seen.

Why smiling? Because I know what else people do to ease the pain. They turn on these notions, burry them under phrases like "I am better off alone!", "Who needs others anyway?", "Humans are monsters, whe should just suffer anyway!", "Love is fake, you are wrong to believe in it!".

You know these phrases. Maybe have spoken them too in the past, I certainly have quite often. And why not, if it eases the pain?

But... a heart that stops hurting when it recognises pain, others or your own, might just be dead flesh beating in your chest for no reason. I may not like my situation right now, but ripping out the "offending" emotions will keep me from being happy again in the future once the pain actually stops.

It takes a certain mindset to cry about being lonely, but then smiling honestly in the mirror and saying "My heart hurts very much, so it functions very well!". Perhaps I am just insane, but that is preferrabel to a sad state, where the world is always cold, because I ripped out the part than can feel warmth. It seems I found beauty in my own misery.

But if I can do that, you can too. Rejoice, a hurting heart is still very much alive. And so are you.

Happy Halloween everyone. Lila, sighing off.

It's me again, because I just noticed something in my head, which is, I feel, a good problem too have.

For a while now, whenever I noticed that a lot if my fellow sisters are a bit sad, for a lot of reasons. And every time, my brain is like "I want to cuddle you until you feel better!"

Ever since I stopped with that monogamy altogether, my heart just leaks empathy all over the place. Especially for other trans women it is like... a LOT stronger. You have no idea how cute you all are, for real! If some of you would allow it, I could easily make out until the feelings hurt less and your soul feels just a bit more fine, imagining that is WAY too easy for me!

Which is a good problem to have, because for a long time I was a bit of a misantropic guy, now I swing the opposite. On the outside, I am calm and friendly, but give me consent and you can have kisses on the spot, wherever we stand. No shame, no regret, I rather have to much love then too little and I enjoy sharing. Emotional and physical. Never forget how awesome ane deserving of love you all are, even if "that voice" tells you otherwise, because it lies and has bad taste in ice cream.

So the next time you look in the mirror, remember: The being you see in there is VERY awesome!

Lila, with love, signing off!

Been a while since I posted something, so I decided to vhsnge that and bring a bit more positivitiy into the space again! Special kind too.

Directly to the point: I love waiting!

To be precise: I love the feeling of my body changing. The knowledge that every time I got to therapy, I get closer and closer to have bottom surgery. Even more then two years into my transition my boobs still grow and my body gets more feminine.

Watching myself walk longer and longer down this road is just enjoyable at this point. At the start I was an impatient lady, always wanting to get all at once. Now... I love the slow but constant changes and now, looking back, there is indeed a lot of pride in my chest. It did pay off to invest more time. It still does to do so every day.

Maybe you beat yourself over the head with things like "I should have startes sooner!", but then, second best is now. So get going!

Hope you have a pleasant time, you are stronger then you think!

Lila, signing off!

It's me again, figured it was time to share more stuff.

This time: Seduction! Got your attention now?~

While I could use this opportinity to infodump about [special interest here], I rather stay on topic for once. Me and some folks recently talked about how we dated and, to my own realisation, when I studied others to learn how dating and courting someone worked, I just... studied the girls.

Back then I was still "a guy"™, but it worked remarkably well and I never found myselt without a partner for long stretches in my life. Turns out girls like when you treat them as their own. So if you have problems dating, getting things going, consider the patterns you learned and see if they match you!

But hold on, there is more! If you, dear reader, are not interested in how I get the guys blood roiling, you can ignore the spoiler text. For the others: Enjoy!

Thanks for cumming to my TED-talk!

Lila, singing off!

Second one of this. We need positive posts, personal ones I feel, so here I go again.

Still no smut, I tell you when I add that.

Thanks for reading, have a very merry night~

Lila, signing off!

I recently saw a lot of posts, messages, etc. about pretty valid, if negative stuff. Happens, it is part of our reality.

But I still feel that I want to share a positive message. So let me state again, as in the title: I love my body!

I put the rest in spoiler, to not make the initial text box super large, but also because of semi explicity. Any sexual tones are not intentional, my smut is written somewhere else and WAY more... explicit. Also no pictures further down, just text.

Lila here, signing off~

The idea is simple: In a modern world, there are a lot of people who simply fail at fostering democracy, but actively harm it when casting their vote. These forces need to be clamped down upon for the good of all and this planet in general.

What woule be reasons to deny the right to vote? Here are a few, but this list is not exhaustive.

• Is antivatx
• Denies clinate change (or is a "sceptic")
• Is a religious funfamentalist
• Sees queer people as sick freaks
• Believes in some form of race or gender essentialism
• Shills for billionares or big tech
• Likes generative AI and LLMs and sees them as the future

All these mostly boil down to a denial of objective, measurable reality and general anti-empiricist perspectives, mixed with personal tendencies that are simply abhorrent to a flourishing, tolerant society.

Or, to be a bit more blunt: Why the fork does a right-wing dipshit with not enough IQ to boil water be even allwowed close to a ballot box, yet alone have their mental missfires discussed with any shed of serious tone, when all they deserve is laughter and mockery at best?

Disenfranchising people who vote for the destruction of the planet is morally correct and with the ammout of propaganda by the Epstein-Class being pumped into the every information space, we might need to do this sooner then later...

I did not overly consider a certain method of enforcement for this idea, just the "moral" aspect, since the means are pure logisitics in the end.

English is my second language, you can drink a shot for every error you come across.

This came to me while being in bed, staring at the ceiling for too long for too little reasons.

Pretty much what it says on the tin there. I'm looking for a new workout routine to get a more feminin body shape. I know that stuff exists, but at this point in time instead of googling it, I rather ask my tribe.

Some pointers:

• Prefferably something I can do indoors without a lot of gear involved
• I'm not a total newcommer to home workouts, but at this point I've gotten a bit out if shape

Thanks for your input in advance! <3