Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.
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People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up
These thoughts rattling around in my head and this breath in my lungs would be wasted forever unless I combine them and thrust it upon your unwilling ears
—the entire world for some reason
Not always true and a little besides the point. I went through a period where my friend circle ONLY made small talk. Hang out for a couple hours at a bar, 90% no talking and when we did it was either to insult each other or talk about our beers.
It became exhausting. Unsurprisingly we went our separate ways and never contacted each other again.
Yeah I can't imagine the alternative. A life where you and your partner aren't comfortable in silence sounds like a nightmare.
That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.
I'm all for small talk. It's the superfluous small talk just to kill dead air I hate. I'd rather sit in an elevator and say nothing than talk about how much rain we're about to get this afternoon.
No I'm sorry, interiority cannot be tolerated or respected. You're doing it wrong.
Yeah, I mean don't ask me how I'm doing if you don't want to hear the answer. Don't look at me weird when I say "not great" if you're the one who asked!
I'm not obliged to say "Great, thanks!" when you ask me how I am. I'm not doing great, and I'm not gonna lie about it just to make you feel better about a question that you asked!
That's what I mean when I say I hate smalltalk. It's so insincere, and exhausting to carry on day-to-day with no deeper conversation.
What's wrong with silence? You don't have to talk continuously.
My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.
You mean you don’t have someone constantly at their/your wits’ end… telling you that you’re either the cause of , or lack of the cause of everything?
Thought I was just old fashioned… LOVE…
Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.
Dragging my tongue over ice-cold saccharine cream tainted by biter cacao seeds as grainy bits of sand dig into my exposed flesh and the roar of the ocean assaults my tender eardrums.
Every moment at the beach is unspeakable anguish.
Saying talking to the cashier is "... immensely draining emotionally and mentally" is some seriously high drama.
The world really isn't that hard to deal with. Most people are actually quite kind. Not me of course, but most people.
I don't count being polite in public small talk, I mean things like being at a party where you don't know anybody, work events, ceremonial events, those kinds of small, short hells.
It's really hard for me to meet people when it's like "what do you do" and I answer and they say "how is that" and I answer and then they ask where I'm from and then say it's rainy.
I don't think people hate small talk so much as they hate it when people are bad at small talk. A lot of awkward people will barrage you with questions and you don't even get the opportunity to ask them the question back because they just keep peppering you.
You're missing an opportunity to be irritating for your own entertainment. Don't let these go by!
With silence. Peace and tranquility. Simply enjoying someone's very presence without needing to verbalize it
Talking To my partner isn't small talk. Sustaining a conversation with a coworker who won't shut the fuck up is small talk
We're both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.
The definition of small talk is literally establishing common ground in some way. It's only meant for people you don't or barely know.
It's absolutely unnecessary for people you already know deeply.
I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.
Then bring your A game to every conversation. Most people are interesting, they just need steering towards their subject of interest.
I think you have to be pretty open to new things for this to be true, a lot of people will shut down and think certain topics are boring, art for example. You kind of have to force yourself to find those things interesting for a while before everything seems interesting.
I don't know my experience is everything is interesting if someone is passionate about it. It's mostly my fault when I'm only waiting for my turn to talk. (Mostly the reason is I'm forgetful and if I think I have something good to add I'm afraid I'll forget it)
Oh my sweet summer sunshine. It's not other people's jobs to do your emotional labor for you.
You're kinda confirming my pet theory that the "I don't do small talk" people are all cunts
I'm in the "no small talk" camp. I at least try to not be a cunt at first. But I have no problems firing back.
I imagine many people in the group though just really don't want to be bothered and being sharp with someone is usually a fast way to end that bother. They may not be cunts on the regular, they may just not want to be involved with the other person.
I agree that the other person was being cunty though. That condescending "sweet summer w/e" shit is rude af unless it's done to be silly.
Oh, they are. The lot of them have given up on building any useful social skills whatsoever and kind of resent you for even asking them to.
They're like Cloud when Aerith has to teach him what a high five is. Except Cloud actually wants to learn.
No, they're introverts and therefore have to weigh every social interaction with how much of their emotional labor/mental energy they want to spend on it.
Think of it this way: as an introvert, you start the day with 10 spoons. Every time you talk to someone, you lose a spoon. How many spoons are you willing to give up to Frank and his play by play on what your other coworker is doing right now (you know, the coworker that's also sitting next to you both)? Maybe you'd rather use those spoons on playing with your kids.
In this nonsense scenario, extroverts start the day with 0 spoons but generate a spoon whenever they socially interact because extroverts regain emotional/mental energy through social interaction. In theory, you could game the system by having two extroverts talk to each other every moment of the day to create infinite spoons and start your own silverware company.
Nobody's expecting you to. But I'd fell like you're missing out on the human experience.
hi honey I'm home
well, looks like rain tonight
you said it
Peak romance ❤️
I mean, the Fins have a thriving society.
I can’t explain it, but they’re among the happiest people on earth.
There was an interesting theory in a paper: during happiness research they interview people and ask them to imagine what the best life would look like and then estimate where they are compared to it in a scale of 0 to 10.
Well, in Finnish comprehensive schools we use grading 4-10 where 4 is "failed", so everything under 7 is bad and 8 is merely "ok". And as we learn this odd scale quite early it's stuck in our heads. So yeah.
I don't know any Finnish person that would describe their life as happy. Perhaps we mean to grade our life as merely tolerable when asked and the scale doesn't take into account this weird system that we use!
Firstly, that sounds great. Secondly small talk is meaningless filler, not common topics, so asking common things is not small talk as long as I actually care and participate in the conversion (like "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" Or even "interesting weather today")
You don’t need to discuss how pleasant the weather is, but talking about the important things in your life is necessary for a meaningful relationship.
It’s necessary, but discussing the big important things don’t take up very much time in a long term relationship. There’s a lot more small talk that happens, so best to be on the same page about both with your partner!
Exclusively dating ND women has been a blessed relief from small talk
Every woman I've dated since high school has been taller and more autistic than the last. If my wife ever leaves me, I'll need to find a non-verbal WNBA star.
Do people in relationships actually talk about useless shit all day??

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