Wait, this a real thing? That's so... American I guess.

did you take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery? One day "off" of classes in exchange for taking the military test. In exchange, you give the military your contact information yourself.

i did not take the test. i got way fewer recruitment letters and calls than my friends.

It would be really funny if they did it based on grades

I told them I was a conscientious objector in 2001 and never heard from any of them ever again.

unfortunately I fear that gets you put on a list you dont want to be on

We had an army recruiter come talk to our history class in high school (this was in the '80s). After the guy's talk he said "any questions"?" My friend Rob said "yeah, I have a question: does napalm still stick to kids?"

Ironically that's a good recruiter. Anything that looks like fraternizing with potential recruits outside official activities is a huge no no.

Buy me dinner before you fuck me.

i wouldn't go to said meal. like, having an awkward 1.5 hours with somebody that you don't like? do you know how stressful that is? have you ever been stuck on a bad date?

I'm pretty sure it's not, but this feels like something from Full Metal Jacket.

Is that Barbados Slim?

Holy internal hip rotation.

Yes, and of course they're allowed to lie to children as well

Yeah, I got a call when I was sixteen or so several years ago. They strung me along for quite a while just acting like they knew me. I was trying to figure out how I knew them and finally they said they were a recruiter and I told them I wasn't interested. I wish I told him to fuck off, but that's not the kind of kind I was.

They even come to your highschool class during lesson time to talk with everyone about why military is awesome and you should totally join.

There was also a few month duration each year where army members would setup a table in your school cafetaria and give snacks for talking about military or taking surveys etc.

Yes. Before cell phones were common they called my parents land line asking for me.

Also like any ‘sales’ job metrics matter, so they’ll take a meeting with kids like this even if it doesn’t convert to a recruit in the end.

"Sure! How big is the ICE machine? Oh, you mean that ICE?"

Well that's a damn lie but hey, bullets dodged

It's a loss to their logistics supply corps.

Same, but my out was a sleep disorder that I grew out of about 5 years prior, before I finished middle school.

I hope you told them to go pound sand. Scumbags.

Sooner than you'd think.

I only need one

If you'd have joined then you'd realize your mistake. They just assumed you already had the same sense of humor somehow.

The bar has been low for at least 30 years.

It was comically easy to get enlisted during Korea if you were under 18. You could just walk up to the office and lie. They'd take you.

I like Wall Lickers, I'm gonna have to remember that one

"Fuck.... I'm sorry. I'm so... so so sorry."

"More like the Gay-vy, amirite? But seriously, just come in and talk. I need at least three other people to fill out a form or they send me to the front."

One of my favorite Marx brothers one-liners was always, "Join the Army! See the Navy."