(TikTok screencap)

A man flying the air with the caption “My Atheist ass getting raptured by mistake because I act more like Jesus than most evangelical Christians.”

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[–] 80 points 11 months ago (13 children)

I would read that horror story. Imagine unexpectedly facing eternity with The Spanish Inquisition, conquistadors, various other brutal imperialist forces and having it presented to you as a rare honor for a lifetime of Christian service. I imagine it like "The Good Place" except it isn't a comedy.

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  • [–] 12 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    Hey just want to let you know I made a writing prompt based off your comment.

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  • [–] 9 points 11 months ago (7 children)

    No imperialist is worthy of eternal life in the Lord's kingdom. Jesus was a black transgender communist, and don't you forget it.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 9 points 11 months ago* (2 children)

    Joseph didn't give Him a Y chromosome. Plus, being the incarnation of the Lord, He was nonbinary. He even used neopronouns - He/Him

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    He couldn't have gotten very far with only half his chromosomes. Therefore the other half of his DNA must've been god DNA. It's a shame he didn't have kids!

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  • [–] 78 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.

    Anyway put money in the basket for my jet

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  • [–] 36 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    Man you skipped the part where he spent hours hand making a whip to use on them too.

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  • [–] 40 points 11 months ago (6 children)

    God doesn't care if you're christian or not all he cares is if you ate enough chili dogs. Needless to say nobody who died before the mid 20th century went to heaven.

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  • [–] 33 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Evangelicals after the rapture:

    “You know what would make heaven even better… Limp Bizkit”

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  • [–] 50 points 11 months ago (6 children)

    I've actually been told by a Christian that I act more like a Christian than some of the Christians they know after sharing with them how I am trying to put my Anarchist beliefs in action through practicing mutual aid and building my community. I hope they realize they can do the same thing and still be Christian. God doesn't love the state and if He does, well...

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  • [–] 19 points 11 months ago

    there's a reason i coalition build best with religious anarchists while myself being an agnostic. there's actually a ton of radical political thought in theology if you can get away from a hierarchically programmed preacher long enough to study it yourself.

    there's a song i love titled Owed to a Hypocrite about how the politician and the preacher walk down the road hand in hand oppressing all us regular people

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago (3 children)

    Has he invited you to go to church with him yet?

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  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    I feel I may have been invited indirectly a couple of times when we spoke.

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    "You're a better Christian than many of them. You'd fit right in, and have a great time! Got some nice single girls, too. Too bad we don't have some nice employed single men for them. Anyway, got to get back to work."

    Like that?

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  • [–] 40 points 11 months ago (14 children)

    Christians (followers of Paul) are all heretics. I'm a follower of Christ Himself, not these Romans who killed Him and then appropriated His message.

    Jesus was black, there's no such thing as Hell, Donald Trump is the Antichrist, Eve was a trans woman, and the government is lying about 9/11!

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  • [–] 15 points 11 months ago (5 children)

    Eve was a trans woman

    Hol up-

    Imma need you to elaborate on this one lol

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  • [–] 26 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    Eve was made from a man's rib, so in a way at first she was a clone of his flesh, XY chromosomes and all. The bible does not elaborate on how the abrahamic god made her into a woman, she was able to bear children so there was definitely a change made to the "original" masculine reproductive system, but we don't know at what stage of her becoming a being that occured. Either way though - Adam's rib was transed by god themself into a woman.

    now i'm wondering how all the christian terfs would react if someone said that trans women are actually the original women

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  • [–] 17 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Jesus was trans too. Virgin conception means there couldn't have been a Y chromosome.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

    I never got these points. If we assume there is the god that created the entire universe making these beings, then nothing to stop that God from adding the right chromosomes

    That being said, we also have unreliable recordings of that time. So maybe this God didn't bother with the chromosomes and I doubt anyone did a genital check of Jesus. Certainly nobody did genetic testing. And that's if you believe in an immaculate conception at all

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago

    Makes you wonder: Is that a non-scientific description of sequential hermaphroditism / dichogamy (/ gender swap)? Maybe there was a time where conditions where so harsh that it also occurred for early humans. That would be wild! Of course, for us at this distant point in time it would all seem like fairy tales.

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  • [–] 10 points 11 months ago (4 children)

    first i was confused then i realized my confusion was the point and i let go

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  • [–] 18 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    Paul was a Roman who never met Jesus, but still claimed to be an apostle. He added many heretical doctrines to the Bible, reinterpreting Jesus' life to suit bourgeois sensibilities. Paul is the source of many conservative ideas claimed to be Christian. https://www.sol.com.au/kor/7_02.htm

    Also Eve came from a male rib. The Lord transed her gender when He made her into a woman

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 10 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    I mean they have DNA, and chromosomes. So they have biological sex, which is commonly conflated with gender.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago

    Yeah sure, but when dealing with the alleged literal creator of the universe those things don't really matter.

    At what point could a God change all of that? I would imagine before Eve became a person those things were changed

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  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago*

    Support. As someone who grew up in a "christian" environment, it's amazing how little many "christians" actually know or care about jesus and his message. It's completely buried and obscured by random, irrelevant shit from paul, the old testament, etc.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago

    Of all the Christians to put shade on I wouldn't have thrown Paul in the lot. Paul seemed like a pretty down to earth person from everything I read, he was basically a riches to rags semi militant hobo hippie. Now Peter....

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  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    ....Win?

    Jokes aside, if you don't believe in god and end up going to heaven because you were actually a good person that would be a win in my book, but I would imagine the atheist in this event would be eternally upset that they were wrong in their actual premise. Joke is more funny if you ended up in a non-Christian afterlife.

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  • [–] 11 points 11 months ago* (1 child)

    I'm atheist who went through an agnostic phase earlier.

    So - as a thought experiment - let's assume there is a god and heaven and a judgment day.

    There are two persons in front of the ultimate judge.

    One behaved "good" but just out of fear of ultimate judgement.

    The other one just he didn't want to be an asshole out of his own wishes.

    Who'd pass?

    So I think god is irrelevant. Belief is irrelevant.

    Ultimately these ideas led me down the path of optimistic nihilism.

    And my most important rule for life: Just don't be an asshole.

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  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago

    God's up there to greet everybody, and he's like "Who the fuck are all YOU people?"

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago

    This was fucking hilarious, thanks

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    Noooooo, not eternal hyyms!!

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  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago

    And it won’t even be the stuff that at least sounds nice like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Oh no, it’s going to be hymns sung by backwoods Baptist church choirs. The ones too small for the blended sound to make up for their hopelessly out of tune joyful noises.

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  • [–] 16 points 11 months ago* (8 children)
  • [–] 18 points 11 months ago (7 children)
  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago* (4 children)

    Praise Jesus, thank you for the corn!

    Edit: WTF?

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  • [–] 7 points 11 months ago* (3 children)

    Looks dried, likely used as bait for deer hunting based on the hi vis gear.

    Hunting big fucking deer.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Even Deerannosaurus Rex would need to munch a while on that pile

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago

    In many jurisdictions, deer season is like 1 or 2 weekends per year, and the limit is 1. It's not a lot of time to actually find and shoot a deer. So this guy is probably setting this up several weeks in advance to get some level of assurance that some deer will show up to his spot at the appointed time.

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  • [–] 5 points 11 months ago

    Jesus is in my top 5 leftists ever 💖

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  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago

    in american dad, the rapture episode, thats exactly what sorta happened, hayley, steve both got "ascended" but they were also agnostic/athiest themselves. the priest was also left behind,.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago

    If there is a bigger entity, it should not care how it is named by you nor if you believe in such entity, but how you did behave and that you cared for others not only yourself.

    And if the entity is indeed forcing you to believe in its existence more than in how you behave, then it is a shitty entity, which I don’t care what it thinks about me.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    Ain't happening, since belief in God is reiterated time and again as the main requirement for anyone to get any heaven time. Even Jesus was going “if you don't believe my father and me, then get fucked”.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago*

    I think he also is reported to have said that everybody can be redeemed if they start believing. Frankly speaking, I'd start believing pretty fucking fast if I saw/experienced direct evidence of their existence. Personal mental malfunctions nonwithstanding.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago

    coming soon to theatres: "left behind: the reversal"

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago

    Plot twist: the algorithm was based on behavior, not branding.

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  • [+] -20 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (15 children)

    Just because you weren't intellectually and/or emotionally competent enough to believe in the Creator doesn't mean you didn't act right and that He'd just disregard you. And certainly many of these hypocrites will taste Hell before righteous "nonbelievers". 👍

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  • [–] 20 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    Just because you weren't intellectually and/or emotionally competent enough to believe in the Creator

    I always find it funny when believers think they have to be intellectually/emotionally more mature than non-believers when non-believers don't need a spiritual crutch to get through life.

    You're welcome to believe in a creator if that helps you get through the day, but don't pretend you're a better person because you believe in a god. Pretending it makes you more intellectually or emotionally competent actually tells people the opposite of what you think it does.

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  • [–] 4 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    I know right. They get their decency and morals from a book and ours comes from within.

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  • [–] 0 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Everyone's comes from within, cause there are no amount of words that would suddenly change human nature. The books just delineate and expand on basic, natural human morality. 👍

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago*

    Everyone's comes from within, cause there are no amount of words that would suddenly change human nature

    I'm going to assume you've never had a real conversation with (m)any Christians about this. Because plenty will end up telling you their morality is external, rather than internal.

    You have no idea how many times I've had this conversation and basically been told that they have no concept of where my morals would come from, because theirs comes from the Bible. I've even had conversations where Christians make comments about the shit they want to do but can't because of their religious morality or gone out of their way to try to justify their actions in her eyes of their god. Their morality isn't internal to them and their core beliefs, it's an external pressure to behave properly for their religion/congregation.

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  • [–] 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    you weren't intellectually and/or emotionally competent enough to believe in the Creator

    That's the funniest joke of 2025 lol
    Marianas Trench level of self-awareness

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  • [–] -1 points 11 months ago (1 child)

    Oh no, trust me, I've walked both paths! But I know what's my audience here so I won't even complain about the reactions, lol.

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  • [–] 2 points 11 months ago

    If every religious person was like you we wouldn't have so many problems in the world. You are right, you choice is your and mine is mine. We don't try to change each other mind and are respectful of the others choice. 10/10 wishing everyone acted like that

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  • [–] 8 points 11 months ago* (4 children)

    That's hilarious.

    It takes intellectual competence to believe in magic?

    The best argument I've ever heard for any god is "you can't prove it didn't happen this way."

    But I'm sure you have better than that, right?

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  • [–] -1 points 11 months ago (3 children)

    It takes intellectual competence to believe in magic?

    Yes, it does. Faith is like a muscle, it has to be exercised or it will atrophy, but with it, one can choose their beliefs, regardless of evidence. At the lowest level, this makes placebos stronger and helps quiet intrusive thoughts. At the highest levels of magical skill, all reality is one's plaything. Because by changing your beliefs, you can rewrite your perceptions and remake the world as it exists within your own eyes.

    Jesus said as much in the parable of the fig tree.

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  • [–] 3 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    That's not very convincing to people who care about believing true things, and it's certainly not what I'd classify as "intellectual competence."

    Whatever works for you, great. But saying people who don't delude themselves are lacking in intellectual or emotional competence doesn't seem to be an effective message.

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  • [–] 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)

    doesn't mean He'd just disregard you

    It's said many times both in the Old and the New testaments that whoever doesn't believe, is totally fucked for eternity. Read your own main book.

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  • [–] 1 point 11 months ago (1 child)

    It's also said that everyone is saved. Everyone.

    https://salvationforall.org/2_Is_Salvation_For_All_Biblical/1_salvation_is_biblical.html

    For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive.

    There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

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