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[–] 41 points 1 day ago (4 children)

If he didn't want us to fap, he wouldn't have given us arms juuust long enough to reach the junkyard. Also he'd given us hoofs instead of hands with the grip strength of a tiger's jaw. Finally, foreskin and clit are like the perfect mechanisms go get off oneself. Evolutionary that barely makes sense so it must be the gift of a diety of some sort.

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  • [–] 11 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    Even got the big guy in the right colour πŸ™πŸΎ

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  • [–] 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    "Aiden, can you go get Buckley's things so we aren't late for Jayleigh's recital? Braxton and Kayleigh will be there"

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  • [–] 6 points 1 day ago

    β€œGo man, go!”

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    White people suburban names are the most confusing thing on Earth. Not even Welsh or Irish names are as confusing.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago* (2 children)

    Is there even a town of Braxton? Nearest I can find is Brixton, which is a perfectly legitimate mononym for an Idris Elba character.

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  • Now I'm imagining twins named "Braxton" and "Hicks," preemies born when Momma mistook actual labor for mere contractions.

    Also, uh, am I the only pervert seeing cloud-titties in the foreground?

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  • [–] 1 point 16 hours ago
    9 comments in c/cyanideandhappiness@discuss.online view that post
    [–] 24 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Even if you think you’re alone, the Divine knows when you’re blastin rope to Waluigi hentai

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  • I worked with a guy named Braxton. We called him Braxton the Obliterator.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 day ago (4 children)

    Sorry! Will switch off the light next time πŸ‘‹

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  • [–] 10 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    God has x-ray vision! He makes a pinging sound like a bat! Later in life you might think you have tinnitus, but that's just the sound of God's Pinging.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    I see that you have watched the "Midnight Mass" movie... (if not, then you might want to!πŸ¦‡)

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago

    I hate how everyone misses the point of this story. It's not that he beat off its that he was legally married to his dead brothers wife and then told he had to have a son with that woman by God, then he pulled out. Reading the full text and it's more apparent God is pissed about not being listened to than the actual actions.

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